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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

The Name Mumsnet sexist?

238 replies

smthchri · 18/03/2012 13:42

I have a question. Is this site for Parenets or mums? are only mums parents?

OP posts:
OracleInaCoracle · 19/03/2012 08:29

Oh, op... care to address my point wrt abbreviations and the fact that mn is used by non-parents too? Or does that fuzz the agenda?

Snorbs · 19/03/2012 16:14

smthchri, if as you say you approve of what F4J is trying to achieve but are uncomfortable about their methods, may I suggest you hitch your wagon to Families Need Fathers' horse instead?

FNF can offer you a lot of good support and excellent advice but without the worry of your good name being tarred by the excesses of some of F4J's members.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/03/2012 16:47

Smthchri - there is so, so much more to mumsnet than the name, strapline and logo. Please take the time to look round the boards, and join in some of the discussions.

Laugh with us at some of the awfully embarassing things our parents made us do, or that our children have said in public.

Sympathise with someone who is having a hard time dealing with their child being bullied.

Debate issues that are in the news.

Join some of us in the waiting until the children are in bed, and we can put our feet up and enjoy (even if only metaphorically) wine o'clock.

Share a recipe that you make for your children, that always goes down well - or look at the recipes here and pick one to make for them.

Look at the huge wealth of support and love that is given to bereaved parents, both in the relevant section on here, and tangibly through the 11 blankets that have been knitted by numerous mumsnetters up and down the country, then sewn together by some wonderful women and sent to families who have lost a father, mother or child.

Share some of your experiences of being a parent, and look for advice that might be useful for you. Offer your support to parents who are struggling with the family courts system.

In short, try seeing mumsnet as somewhere that has so many positive things to offer. Why spend your time picking at details to hate, when there is so much to enjoy about the site? Surely the latter is a far less soul-destroying, and a far more positive way in which to spend your time??

SweetTheSting · 19/03/2012 19:04

Lovely post, STDG

smthchri · 19/03/2012 20:59

@OhDoGetAGrip I agree with you. When I wrote my original post about the courts system I said intentionality "I feel it is not in the childrens best interest where either the mother or the father can basicly just make up bad things to say about each other.". Which would mean I feel it is not on for either party to make stuff up. I feel as your friend was found to be scologicaly ok,, I feel the father should have had to pay for it.. just as in if the father disputes paternity and is found to be the father. And by the way.. weather the father was paying maintenance or not. making up what his income was or not.. You can NEVER! with hold contact on the basis of money. The courts do take a very dim view of this. In fact if you was to say it in court.. they may award residence to the other parent.

OP posts:
smthchri · 20/03/2012 00:09

well back on topic.. I still hate the name when the site seams to be "by parents for parents"
And I also hate the logo.. The best excuse anyone could come up with is that is how it is so get over it. Does this site want to be for "PARENTS" or just mums. and last time I checked it takes a man and a woman or at least a sperm and an egg. Dads can do things mums just cant (or find it less natural) and likewise for mums.

OP posts:
JustHecate · 20/03/2012 06:51

Tough shit, basically.

You're just going to have to hate it. I seriously doubt the owners of a very successful business are going to rebrand because you've joined to say you don't like the logo and name.

It says mumsnet but people who are dads are here
It says by parents for parents but people who are not even parents are here

If you can't see past a name to the content, then fair enough. Nobody cares though.

And I know that sounds horrible, but it is simply the fact of it.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2012 07:08

Well, I am called neither Mark nor Spencer yet I can still shop in M&S.

JustHecate · 20/03/2012 07:11
Shock

soupy. No. You can't. You aren't mentioned in the name. You can't go in there. Don't you understand?

SoupDragon · 20/03/2012 07:13

Have you complained to F4J that their name is sexist? All of your arguments apply equally to them and they have women supporters too. Or are you able to see past their name?

I am intrigued by this "Dads can do things mums just cant (or find it less natural) and likewise for mums.". Well, women can give birth and breastfeed and men can provide the Y chromosome but, apart from that, I'm struggling to think of anything.

nenevomito · 20/03/2012 07:14

Baby centre isn't just posted on by babies
iVillage is posted on by people who live in towns.
NetMums is posted on by men, women and not all of them have nets.

Just saying.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2012 07:15

I said that I can still shop there. Obviously I don't.

nenevomito · 20/03/2012 07:15

I'm also reliably told that there is not a single shred if coconut on the Bounty website. Shock

JustHecate · 20/03/2012 07:17

Say it ain't so, baby...

SoupDragon · 20/03/2012 07:17

What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.

As Shakespeare said. And I'm reliably informed he was a man.

And he probably didn't shake a spear nor exhort others to do so.

Codandchops · 20/03/2012 07:20

This site is for Mums AND Dads - everyone is welcome so you are just going to have to get over it (and yourself).

There are websites called "OnlyDads" and "OnlyMums". Are you going to protest about those as well?

Or is it just because this site is well known?

You are welcome here but you have to remember this site was originally started by two Mums round a kitchen table trying to reach out to other Mums. The site has evolved ever since to welcome and encompass Dads, grandparents, gay parents, those trying to conceive and those never conceived and don't want to thank you very much. In sort the site welcomes EVERYONE, but the original name is now so well known it has to stay.

End of.

VegimalStyle · 20/03/2012 07:28

I used to eat opel fruits when I was a kid, but then they changed their name. I don't eat starburst because they taste of lies and betrayal.

I don't eat snickers because they have peanuts in them and I don't like peanuts. But that's besides the point.

If MN have to change their name then where's the fun for us men posting on here? I'll have to take all my best lady disguises to the charity shop! Or worse, join netmums!

Snorbs · 20/03/2012 07:31

If the name was "Mumsnet - dads can just fuck off" then I'd agree that it was sexist. But it doesn't. Men are welcome here. They just don't get top billing. Is that really such a big deal for you?

As for the logo, I've always thought the centre figure is quite androgynous.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2012 07:31

See, what I like about it is that I have no idea whatsoever whether a poster is male* or female (or black/white/other identifying differences).

  • but when I do I sharpen my pitchfork Wink
VegimalStyle · 20/03/2012 07:40

«puts disguise back on»
«adopts less manly voice»

I am a lady....

«watches the horizon for incoming pitchforks»

GrimmaTheNome · 20/03/2012 07:49

Its By Parents, for Parents...and nannies, and, childminders, and grandparents, and childless people TTC, and aunts and uncles, and furriners who say 'Mom' not 'Mum', and people who aren't even that interested in children....

Its for anyone who wants to be here, for whatever reason. Preferably not if the reason is just to whinge that they don't like something, but even then you can stay so long as you stick to guidelines. You might end up not liking the responses you get but that's your choice.

Mumsnet maybe wasn't the best choice of name. Here's a definition of 'mum':

  1. silent; not saying a word: to keep mum.
interjection
  1. say nothing! be silent!
  2. mum's the word, do not reveal what you know (about something); keep silent: Mum's the word, or the surprise party won't be a surprise.
Grin
SoupDragon · 20/03/2012 07:51
VegimalStyle · 20/03/2012 07:57

Thanks! I bought it on eBay developed quite early.

BIWI · 20/03/2012 08:05

And acksherly - has anyone thought that it might have been called Mumsnet because it was an internet site founded by two mums?

Which started off doing reviews of baby products, so that it was information for parents and by parents.

I find it sad that the OP is so very evidently here on a F4J mission but trying to pretend otherwise. Failure to engage with people's suggestions or posts - especially the lovely one from SDTG.

JustHecate · 20/03/2012 10:22

Oh, miss. miss I did I did, waaaaaaay upthread

"It's called mumsnet because when the two mums set it up from their kitchen, they were reaching out to other mums and that's what they decided to call it. They didn't think it would turn out to be this huge thing!"

Although you were far more clear Grin