Ahoy hoy mnhq - you aren't going to do anything about AIBU, are you?

[bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe]

You are sticking your fingers in your ears and going la la la and pretending not to notice that aibu is just awful?

Welcome back Indie and looks like we concur on a number of points there...your post was better written though.

Just to be clear: my biggest problem with aibu is that people don't use it correctly

Bibbity - so what??? & correctly according to who...? It Doesn't Matter. Really. It. Doesn't. Matter.

Dear God, I would never "fall out" with a poster on Mumsnet because we disagreed on something!

I have suggested to mnhq that they simply scrap all topics and rename the site AmIBeingUnreasonable - they don't want to seem to do that either.

Maryz - I can see that :) but surely it's a case of working with how the site is actually being used and not how someone else has decided it should be being used.

Did you read my post ^^ about the car seats? [Tue 25-Oct-11 16:06:48] There are too many topics and even then sometimes a thread about something doesn't actually really belong in that topic The one about car seats was an interesting thread/debate, but it was moved to a 'topic' which no one bothers with unless they are looking for advice on buying a car seat?!

Maybe what we need to do is take the _ away from 'Chat' use that as a more 'general' space, promote WWYD and leave AIBU for the really strong AIBU's.

For me, the 'topics' should be for serious things & strong topics such as - bereavement, lone parents, SN etc and not for every single little thing.

Your arguement & Bibbity's are very different reasons not to (over) use AIBU.

I agree with Indie and Wannabe. I think it's sad that it's come to be accepted that the biggest forum on here should be so hard-faced and unsympathetic, somewhere people post at their peril.

Oh I thought me and Mary were more or less singing from the same hymn sheet.

I do think to an outsider or a newbie we must look like a bunch of loons because of all these different threads starting with the question aibu? when oftentimes the poster isn't even asking a question at all.

I don't much like the shouty nature of it either and the very odd "well you posted in aibu so what did you expect?" line that gets trotted out regularly.

Bibbity - you have said (amongst other things)

MNHQ....pretending not to notice that aibu is just awful?

Why can't mnhq moderate just a tiny bit so that the threads in the topic actually make sense?

But having such a disproportionate number of threads in aibu simply makes Mumsnet and Mumsnetters look a little bit silly, I fear.

I don't much like the shouty nature of it either and the very odd "well you posted in aibu so what did you expect?" line that gets trotted out regularly

To me, that's not the same as what Maryz is saying

putting everything in aibu defeats the purpose of having topics - because apart from a few specialist topics and the quichey threads (and by that I include all the long-running threads, the anti and post natal, the support threads etc), posting any thread anywhere other than aibu is very unlikely to get any replies at all

The attitude on aibu is of secondary importance, imo

Then your comment:

I have suggested to mnhq that they simply scrap all topics and rename the site AmIBeingUnreasonable - they don't want to seem to do that either

... is just naughty

Maryz I don't think the car seat one does prove your point, I think it proves mine Topics are OK within reason, but don't provide a good space for general discussion/debate.

FWIW - I don't only use AIBU. I use 'Threads I'm On' and 'Active'. Some people hide or choose topics and unless you are buying a car seat I can see it being one that would be hidden, however, the thread would have been of general interest.

Well Bibbers they don't want to do that because then they would really alienate the old faithful, and new faithful, and the whole site would be a farce.

What they want to do is try and keep as many punters as possible, including us, including the hyped up arguers, including everyone - and it doesn't work. We hate the aggressive bit, we can't live happily alongside it - but despite the massive traffic it generates, it isn't enough on its own to maintain the MN they want to keep.

So we're forced to be unhappy bedfellows.
I think they need to decide who they are sleeping siding with tbh.

A direct question, if I may, MNHQ:

how can you reconcile your ethos of support, parents for parents, helping people lead easier lives, with the combative, aggressive, hyperdebate (and often scrap) that is AIBU?

How on EARTH does being given the bird, in verbal terms, make anyone's life as a parent or otherwise easier?

It's a Roman gladiator arena in the middle of a walk-in advice clinic.
(and it's Jeremy Kyle on radio four).

We don't need it. It's not what Mumsnet is about.

Jane - of course they want to keep everyone, why wouldn't they?

It seems like you would prefer a site where everyone is nicey nice all the time, where no one disagrees, where nothing too contentious ever gets discussed....

Not all of us want that.

That's nonsense Chipping, and I don't know why you are saying it.

I've been here since 2007, posting since January that year and have been involved in more debates and scraps of the right and the wrong sort than you might think.

I however avoid AIBU and until recently, had it hidden completely for many months. I left and came back and I haven't bothered to hide it.

I like MN generally but I think AIBU is really bad for it - it has a different vibe. It sees as tolerable what MN never would have condoned when I joined.

And I don't think they would want to condone it now, if it didn't bring in so many hits. I think it's really sad.

LOL Mary

Yes, it's misguided but usually trotted out by the powers...'it is our busiest board'...yes, and JK on R4 would be their busiest ratings too but that doesn't mean it would be appropriate.

Jane - I am saying it in direct response to your two posts above mine

I kinda like the division 'wwyd' and 'I want a ruck' :o

We have a WWYD topic. Nobody uses it. So posters re-post in AIBU and then get slated because "what did you expect, it's AIBU". So the choice is between two replies, and getting a pasting "because it's AIBU". Brilliant, that's a great choice.

Tortoise - exactly what I said. Might as well have one bog aibu and be done with it.

Brilliant, that's a great choice.

The people who post things in AIBU "because it gets more traffic" are the people who make it so that only AIBU gets traffic, because they never look elsewhere.

But Chipping, the entire thread (well much of it) is about differentiating between the usual healthy debate and rudeness and the sort that seems to happen in AIBU. It's very different.

I hope that makes sense. I'm no way a Netmums type, I don't expect sweetness and no swearing but I DO expect a certain level of respect between posters and I don't like hysteria.

AIBU is a place where there's a great lack of respect and a lot of hysteria. Which in turn makes the rest of the site a less healthy place, as it spreads its rubbish liberally.

I like the pumpkin simile IndieSkies (great name) very seasonal, although I think likening aibu to Japanese Knotweed might be more apt.

I've had it hidden for months now, but the vibe of it is pervasive. Like rhizomes.

Have un-hidden it to see if it is still as bad as it was. Yup. Can't believe it generates more traffic that _chat. How can that be? Half of the threads would sit just as well in chat.
Why aren't people putting their general blah di blah blah threads in chat?
Do lots of folk use last 15mins to scan active convos, rather than active?
Do people really want their conversations about very little archived for ever?

I can understand why if you wanted to have an in-depth discussion about John Lewis non stick bakeware you might not put it in the products topic. Products has always seemes a bit nebulous to me anyway, but why start it in Aibu? Why not chat?

That's because aibu is there.

I do wish it wasn't.

I think AIBU ought to be a self contained forum, separate from MN. Owned by, but not part of MN.

It would then be open - to anyone, not just parents, and it would go ballistic.

Maybe they don't want that? Maybe they want it to be under the wing of a women-dominated forum so it doesn't get too out of hand?

Sorry though, I don't want to be asked to perfomr that sort of implicit moderation.

I want nothing to do with it.