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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Ahoy hoy mnhq - you aren't going to do anything about AIBU, are you?

244 replies

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 24/10/2011 21:55

You are sticking your fingers in your ears and going la la la and pretending not to notice that aibu is just awful?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 25/10/2011 08:25

"Should every thread be in aibu even if it isn't an aibu, or should people use the other topics". Answers: "Yes", "No" or "Get rid of it".

And 4) FGS get a grip and stop whinging.

Maryz · 25/10/2011 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 25/10/2011 08:46

Dudes, if you're going to say "AIBU is just awful" you need to specifiy.

Because there are two distinct things you could be talking about:

1 - people posting in AIBU when they are not asking AIBU (or phrasing as AIBU when they acually are asking something else)
2 - unnecessary fightyness

Feel free to tell anyone who "posts in AIBU for more traffic" that they are contributing to the vicious circle and it is their own fault that there is no traffic in the appropriate topic, it would be nice if people got that message without thinking oh it's just Trills she has a bee in her bonnet.

Trills · 25/10/2011 08:47

Maryz You can't ask an either/or question and have the answer be "yes" :o

Should I have tea or coffee? Yes. What? Confused

GalloweesG · 25/10/2011 08:51

Leave Aibu alone

Although deleting like Chat is probably a good idea. due to the volume of rants I post

Maryz · 25/10/2011 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JanePumpkin · 25/10/2011 09:00

Bibbers I got the same answer about a year ago when I had a thread about this. Everyone thinks we're missing the point but I am fully on your side.

It is like a fight room and it does spill over.

I don't think it has any place here, it's just tabloid fodder and makes us look like a bunch of stereotypical screeching stupid wimmin.

MN has really changed since it happened.

JanePumpkin · 25/10/2011 09:04

anyway what are people afraid of if it gets scrapped?

Everything currently posted in AIBU would get put in chat or the appropriate topic. More traffic everywhere. And if people had to keep typing 'AIBU' in their titles, so what - it might put off the less worthy threads, and serves people right for wanting an AIBU style thread if they have to type it themselves.

It does not keep all the bun fights in one place. It just legitimises them. Everything turns into one, in AIBU.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/10/2011 09:10

I hide it, but accidentally get sucked back in again from the most active tab on the RHS of the screen, I wish the topics that I hide would not show up in that section.

I also agree with getting rid after 3 months and more robust fight-breaking.

I am fed up with people starting them in order to judge other people's parenting (or other) choices, they just descend into the same old slanging matches, nobody ever budges an inch from their opinion, it is depressing.

Maryz · 25/10/2011 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaredTEECat · 25/10/2011 09:32

"I am fed up with people starting them in order to judge other people's parenting (or other) choices, they just descend into the same old slanging matches, nobody ever budges an inch from their opinion, it is depressing."

You just described all internet forums. Grin

Honestly, I think taking it to 3 months deletion like Chat would be sufficient. Remove it and the whole site will be like it, which is why I assume they started it to begin with.

Trills · 25/10/2011 09:32

"Rants, moans, and judging"

Trills · 25/10/2011 09:32

Duty calls

SoupDragon · 25/10/2011 09:38

"MN has really changed since it happened"

From my point of view, MN has really changed since they let the riffraff in. Wink

Seriously though, MN didn't change because they added an AIBU topic - these threads were just scattered elsewhere with the heading "am I being reasonable to..." It was a user request to have a new topic.

MN has changed because it is much much bigger with a huge variety of posters with different ideas. Along with the raised profile came more trolls too.

JaneBirkin · 25/10/2011 09:48

No, Tee, it wasn't all like that and the instigation of AIBU has made the problem there was far worse because it's made it seem acceptable.

It's like a bar where folk are starting a few fights...instead of chucking out the fighters, the bar opens a back room up and says 'take it in here, boys' and so people start coming along just to watch,m then joining in, and the bar makes good money out of it. Unfortunately people who used to come to the pub don't find it that nice any more as the folk from the fighting room walk through the rest of it, swearing and yabuing.

I dunno...I find it (sorry) a bit of a sellout.

JaneBirkin · 25/10/2011 09:51

Sorry Soupy. x posts as someone arrived with a bath Grin but I think my post still stands.

I don't remember chat for example being full of aibus. It was the legitimisation that made things go so wrong...and I know, it's changed too in other respects, of course it has but that's like the pub landlord saying 'well there was a demand for it so we bought in'.

FellatioNelson · 25/10/2011 09:57

Can't we just self-moderate on AIBU? If it clearly shouldn't be there, either ignore it, or better still have an 'wrong topic' emoticon to be used like the biscuit to let the poster know that we will not engage because it is inappropriately placed.

Agree with BoF re: traffic. I posted something in the right place the other day and no-one saw it so I posted it again in chat!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/10/2011 09:58

i feel that while they may have been scattered about before, it seems to me that having their own section means that anything goes, you often see people getting a really rough ride and being told what did you expect posting it in AIBU, the same guidelines should apply whatever the subject. if you could hide it completely, as I said before, from the most active tab, that would help people avoid it.

activate · 25/10/2011 10:02

The only reason to come on this forum is AIBU

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 25/10/2011 10:07

AIBU does not make people behave in any way.

People make people behave in a particular way.

So if someone is a total cow because there's a space on the site where they feel they can get away with it - that has nothing to do with that space and everything to do with that person.

If you took away AIBU - do you think such people would be sweetness and light fluffy hunny bunnies?

No they would not. Because it is not about AIBU.

It's like - a child is being bullied because they, I dunno, they're fat. (like me Grin ) do you say this bullying is happening because this child is here, so we will remove this child and there will be no more bullying?

Or do you say this child is being bullied because people here are bullies. If we take away this child, they will simply find another victim.

Honestly - the problem here is not a page on a site that says AIBU.

TheSkiingGardener · 25/10/2011 10:11

I object to AIBU because it sucks traffic from the rest of the site and seems to mean that people are allowed to be aggressive.

It would be fine if people just used it for proper AIBU questions but that isn't the case.

I would prefer it if threads were moved from AIBU and chat to the appropriate topics, this increasing traffic elsewhere and making the rest of the site more appealing.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 25/10/2011 10:12

oh Blush unless you mean that everyone puts every bloody conversation in there.

You mean that, don't you? Grin

That's annoying. But what mnhq need to to is some serious pruning. there are far too many subtopics. It's messy. So everyone goes where everyone else is.

It's like holding a party in a hotel with a thousand rooms. People want to be with people. So you can either have one person in each room - boring. Or several people in some of the rooms and several rooms empty - slightly less boring. Or you can have a cracking shindig in the lobby with everyone - bucket loads of fun!

Are people going to go into an empty room? No. They are going to seek out the room with the most people.

JaneBirkin · 25/10/2011 10:13

I realise that bullies/people will act that way if they want to wherever they are, Hec.

However if you have a setting which legitimises it, you are onto a sticky wicket.

Your analogy doesn't quite work, for me - sorry. I think it's more like having a place where the fat kid is put in a room and the bullies given free reign to have a go at him or her, as long as they are in that room, the fat kid should have known better than to go in there...

MrsDreadfullyMorbidMausoleum · 25/10/2011 10:15

Ooh goody, for the first time ever I'm on the right thread at the right time and I get to post:

I agree with hecate.

That's another MN cherry popped. [hgrin]

JaneBirkin · 25/10/2011 10:16

'It's like - a child is being bullied because they, I dunno, they're fat. (like me ) do you say this bullying is happening because this child is here, so we will remove this child and there will be no more bullying?

Or do you say this child is being bullied because people here are bullies. If we take away this child, they will simply find another victim.'

Neither. What I am saying is the child is being bullied because bullying is being allowed, given its own room, or forum topic...and in a different setting, there would be more self moderation. Bullying and rudeness and reactionary gobbiness ought to be looked down on, not encouraged...it seems MNHQ likes the huge traffic on AIBU, thus my comment about selling out.

It depends how they want the site to be seen. I think it's shortsighted and directly in opposition to the stated ethos which is 'to make parents' lives easier'