Gift for a friend in a terrible situation

[FiveSixSevenEightt]

I have an old uni friend who is facing the most unbelievably sad situation. Her very young child has received a terminal diagnosis with a 2-3 year best case scenario.

She lives far away, and we aren’t close anymore. We exchange Facebook birthday greetings. We used to send Christmas cards but fell out of that habit. We did cards and presents for our first borns but not after that.
I found out the diagnosis from a mutual friend but the friend in question will know I will find out so it’s fine I know. I feel just awful.

I will write a letter or a card and wondered if I could send something to go with it. I’m not much into previous stones or what have you but is there something like that I could send? A way to say I send my strength and love in this object?

I would simply message to say I’m thinking of her and open up the lines of communication should she need it. Don’t ask questions so that she feels pressured to reply. It’s never a bad thing to know an old friend is thinking of you and has your back.

Sorry, I think COOK do have on-pack instructions, plus a clear 'microwave, oven or either' on the front. It's another one that doesn't, and you have to scan the code and find your meal on a long list to click through to how to cook.

A card is a lovely idea. In a similar situation, which involved the child in long hospital stays, I sent occasional activity packs like colouring books and pens, sticker books etc.

Opposite for me in that I found food vouchers to be an absolute god send because hospitals don't feed parents and constantly buying takeaways, hospital canteen food etc was so expensive. I didn't find them difficult to use personally.

Of course, that's only assuming the friend is in hospital with her child. If they aren't, vouchers likely wouldn't be potentially as useful anyway.

That's the thing, it is so tricky because people can feel so different.

Yes, tricky. After finding out what she wants, vouchers could actually be the ideal thing. Yes for you, no for me. Many/most PPs have suggested start with just a brief message in a card and leave her to respond, which sounds right to me.

Yep. I honestly think that's the safest bet and likely what would be appreciated the most.

Wha makes me hesitate is that @FiveSixSevenEightt isn’t “friends” with this person and hasn’t been for many years by the sounds of it

That, and also the fact if it hasn't happened to them they don't understand the grief involved.

Also, some people are just arseholes, let's face it.

She doesn't need to be friends, quotation marks.

Its someone from her past and thats enough. There's still a link.

Rather depends on how the relationship fizzled out. What happens if ended poorly, perhaps this poor mother doesn’t want to recollect it

Im sure the op will be aware of how it fizzled out.

Indeedio

doesn’t necessarily means that it ended kindly and that the friend wishes to be bothered

A card or a letter.

Say you are thinking about her and her situation. That you know she has enough on her plate so you don't expect an answer.

You understand you have not been close for a while but if she wants to shout and swear and call people names and say things she can't say to family you will listen.

My Nana was a lovely woman, when a friend of one of her sons was jailed in Greece in the 1970s she wrote to him and said, don't tell your own mother about the bad things, tell me instead. Or similar words.

Sometimes it is useful to have someone outside the the family circle.