Husband "hates all my clothes"

[KizzyA]

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

I haven't read all the replies so apologies if this was suggested before. I'm only going to comment on clothing.

A radical idea - stop wearing jeans, or indeed any trousers. They only look good on slim/skinny women, otherwise they don't do anyone any favours. I haven't worn jeans in decades because they are unflattering and horribly uncomfortable. Skirts and dresses are so much more comfortable, flattering, and practical. There's nothing you need trousers for, except perhaps wrangling brambles in the garden. I've been down an abandoned mine in a skirt, I climbed fences (much easier than in trousers as you have better mobility!), I've moved house... You will need decent tights, and I suggest Snags or Better Tights, which come in 7 sizes and are fantastically comfortable, long lasting, and come in a variety of colours.

Try it - you are blessed with an hourglass figure and a skirt with fitted top (not a boxy t-shirt, they make one look like a bloke!), or a nice dress with a defined waist might do wonders. Lots of dresses and skirts now have POCKETS. The higher level of comfort is a nice side effect. You might never look back.

You sound like you dress like me and lots of women I know and most Mums I see at school

When you wear barrell jeans, you could team with a less boxy tshirt? Something a little fitted? I find v necks are also much much more flattering on a big bust.

Totally get what's you're saying! I think dresses are always a win even if they're modest and good coverage provided they have a waist and aren't too boxy.

My husband sometimes wears the most unappealing things as I'm sure I do. It's not about being told what to wear or how to be and I certainly don't think you should be reversing to 00's bit get you want to strike a balance. He does just sound like he doesn't get the current styles.

I agree about that woman on the left, her outfit is not nice at all. The T shirt doesn’t fit and I can’t make sense of the heeled shoes with that short pants.

if this is right, I want to be wrong

Can I ask you what shoes you wear? I absolutely love skirts but don’t wear them, I have decent enough legs (but would always wear tights) but never know what shoes to wear. I would absolutely love to convert over to dresses for good.

You make it sound very appealing!!

Doc Martens boots, mostly! Or DM sandals in the summer. I'm not sure if I have any other footwear, actually.

If you want to change something, the barrel jeans are very marmite.

Go for straight cut higher waisted in a darker denim or black.

I wouldn’t really want to compromise on the boxy Ts & Birkenstocks so can’t help much there!

Ballet style shoes but totally unsuitable for dog walking & small DC.

Your clothes do sound better than his!

I think the barrel / loose jeans are horrible and very “mumsy” but I guess if your a mum or someone who likes that unflattering style and you like them that’s fine
they tend to hide a multitude of shapes and I personally think they make people look much bigger and shapeless

But I don’t follow style trends and dress for how I like

i like form fitting clothes that suit my figure
Im not hiding under a tent or a barrel

Sounds good. I love docs and am going to try to convert over to dresses. Your post was inspirational. Thanks!!

A dress fitted at the waist and brightly coloured tights would certainly turn the clock back to 2011, since that's what floats his boat (NB please do not wear this)

Don't change your style for two reasons a) HUGE controlling ick for men to tell women what to wear UGH UGH UGH get in the bin. (I don't even particularly like it when they express a preference, shut up Matt, who asked you?) and b) you clearly know a lot more about fashion than he does.

If you want to dress up, do it for you, not him, and I suggest sticking to your modern guns, keep the birkenstocks, and just get some nicer bits and make sure you're dressing in an intentional way. Beyond Nine are doing some dressier stuff at the moment that still fits their usual modern practical mum silhouette but a bit more elevated:

https://beyondnine.co.uk/collections/holiday-edit-1/products/layla-black-broderie-top

https://beyondnine.co.uk/collections/jumpsuits/products/cari-black-white-gingham-linen-jumpsuit

What about re setting your nervous system first spa day/massage for yourself - there's offers on everywhere.
Something will be affordable.

Deep condition your hair

Get some decent underwear

Put some music on, or a cheesy film home spa / face mask.

Dressing better and your sense of self will come once your not in survival mode as much.

Having children is a life change, you've been together a long time and want to keep everything you've built together.
if you re connect to yourself through self care you'd have a stronger inner foundation. And then on the best possible footing to re connect with him.

Women dress for other women. I’d bet most men don’t like the current fashions.

Do you like being a size 14? I’m a 14 at the moment and honestly I’m not wearing the clothes I want to wear - I’m wearing whatever I feel is the most flattering to my current shape. When I was a size 10, I wore completely different things. I wore more “classic” stuff when I was thinner - timeless jeans, simple shirts, fitted sweaters, etc. Now I’m bigger I’m wearing wide-legged trousers and my husband hates them. 😂

So he's doing the absolute bare minimum and your calling it plenty 😂😂 tbf you should probably raise your standards........

Are wide leg trousers nice or is it like the emperors new clothes. I am not sure anymore.

That gingham thing upthread is a one-way ticket to the divorce courts. 😂

😂

You mean this one:

If a man wanted to divorce me for wearing this, then good riddance 🗑️

Ha! What a Dick! I’m 60 and dress very eccentricity so my hubby probs hates what I wear! I couldn’t give a f….

But what exactly is 'in fashion' styles and tastes change so frequently. Who makes the 'rules' is there someone everyone wants to look like?
Some of the designs and styles mentioned on here with photos are ghastly but everyone fawns over them. BUT everyone has an opinion and I choose not to follow the herd.

I don’t think anyone is making the rules, I watched the devil wears prada a few years ago and they were trying to claim they had invented an actual colour. Diabolical shite.

I think what happens is people start wearing something, then more do and then, even if you really love something you are wearing, one day you just feel out of place and then it’s gone.

My main aim is comfort. If I can look ok while comfortable then yay!

Absolutely dress for yourself, not for a man. Wearing a dress or skirt is a favour to yourself because it's so much more comfortable than horrid stiff jeans. Snags/Better Tights I recommended earlier are superbly comfortable, and available in black, navy, and skintones if colours aren't your thing.

But. The OP asked for advice and I suggested changing to skirts/dresses because it will make her more comfortable, not less, and might have a side-effect of pleasing the husband. If the husband were yearning for stilettoes I'd have advised her to laugh in his face say no very firmly because wearing these would not add to her comfort.

I loathe the current shapeless fashions and especially the cocoon shaped coats and oversized double-breasted jackets which make even the skeletal models look twice the width. When one is large (as I am - 5'9 and size 20) it's better to wear something slightly fitted (NB. fitted, not tight!) which suggests a waist than a shapeless sack which gives you that awful blokey silhouette.

I agree. -at 5ft 1 and a size 14 that’s honing to be a huge difference for most people if they were a size 10 before

he’s probably to scared to say to the op it’s about her weight so is using the way she dresses to avoid mentioning the real issue for him

Current shapeless fashions are complete shite so why would anyone actively choose to wear them ? I rest my case.

They really are, aren't they! Just abysmal.

Totally.

Sorry but I'm still wearing dresses that come in at the waist because the sack style makes me look three times bigger