Husband "hates all my clothes"

[KizzyA]

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

Can't understand why so many people are having a dig at the husband. Aren't we allowed to have honest conversations any more? I've certainly felt free to tell my husband which clothes I find him most attractive in. He also knows he's free to wear whatever he likes, and he does, but will occasionally make an effort - and I appreciate that. OP, you might find stuff you both like somewhere like Fatface - their stuff is comfortable, easy to wear, but not frumpy (in my eyes, anyway). Previously I might have said White Stuff or Seasalt, but the problem there is that as soon as you look at it you know where it's from and it places you in a certain demographic. They do occasionbally do something a bit different though.Those Starlight dresses look pretty too, for a night out. And let me congratulate you on having a marriage where you both communicate.

Look, I get the whole “no one should dictate what you wear thing” - I really do.

But I had to stage an intervention on my husband, he was dressing like an 80 year old. He also wouldn’t throw ripped/done clothes out.

What pissed me off more than anything was he’d make an effort for work, or if he was going out with his friends. Anyway long story short, he is now dressing like a normal person, I’m happier and he’s happy he isn’t getting moaned at.

I think it’s the Birkenstocks, just get rid of them and he might like all the rest of it.

They are second only to clogs as man repellent.

Lucy & Yak Poppy skirts are nice - elastic waist, pockets, I wear chub rub shorts or cycling shorts underneath so still practical, and easy to match with tops (I get the M and am more like a 16): https://lucyandyak.com/collections/poppy-skirts?srsltid=AfmBOoqVNE2D_rJDqAzYn3EwFpmnKNGMA_yKI-lZbvTEQ2pmflq8t8Uo

Their other clothes are prob too loose fitting for your husband's preferences but these could work well.

Look on vinted for dresses with pockets too - hush, sugarhill brighton etc.

Having been through two marriages, and realising my exH1 would have only continued to be attracted me had I stayed in shape (which I did), wore sexy clothes and underwear to have sex, and never have loved me 'whatever', (so glad he had an affair while I looked my absolute best...), followed by exH2, who was a surfer and really cool, and appreciated how I dressed ie more casual, Birkenstocks, etc... wasn't into anything 'showy' at all... it really is an eyeopener as to what people find attractive. I now live on my own and I'm quite taken with Mary from Gogglebox's fashion sense ... I may morph into her, or whatever the fuck I like to wear these days. Living alone is bliss.

At this stage all my clothes were either ancient or George at Asda. Money went on necessities. It was an expensive time.

Husband did once comment why I wasn't as well dressed as my childless single friend. Because I have no money for frivolity. He honestly hadn't realised and was mortified to be fair. He

I think you should wear what you want to, if you want a glow up great, book a spa day, get a haircut, go for a day's shopping with a friend. Choose what makes you smile when you look in the mirror. Personally I think you're quite right to put the Capri pants out of your mind. He may be an ok bloke but he knows nothing ladies apparel.

My husband isn't keen on my clothes, he says they are 'fashionable' which is code for unsexy, it's a running joke and he'd never tell me what I can wear. I own a few items that I know he likes to see me in, and I like too and tend to wear those on date nights. Similarly he likes to dress in a way that I like

I'd start by getting some really lovely underwear that both fits and flatters your figure.
Other posters have given great suggestions on.what clothes to buy -but fatface , m&s/per una, hush, nobody's child, and/or, h&m, white stuff etc are great places to start with and not too budget busting. Vinted is a great source of t shirts/shirts/tops.
Make time for a lunch date, be a little more dressy (both of you!) - whilst your children are in nursery.
Have fun and keep communicating x

I agree with this, I’m not demonising him he sounds like he’s trying however I think everyone deserves better than this.

I dress like a homeless man at home, my idea of lingerie is big-ass boxer shorts and a washed out bra but DH not only doesn’t care- but he acts like I’m a Victoria’s Secret model in it. I think you deserve to feel wanted regardless of how much effort you put in OP.

He’s an arsehole.

At an hourglass size 14, I found a ballet cut top with bootcut jeans gave a nice silhouette. The bootcut jeans give shape but balance the thighs. The ballet top gives good shape and highlights curves. I definitely wouldn't wear barrell or full leg jeans - way too much bulk. A full leg pant on the other hand, like @anon2022anon has posted, can look lovely with a shaped top like in the picture.

Ballet style tops don't have to be skin tight - I've attached a looser version, you can also get them a little longer. They're very flattering with a larger chest.

You can also get dresses with that sort of neckline. Like this one https://www.citychic.com.au/collections/best-sellers/plus-size-dress-ditsy-romance-205348ditsyromance?srsltid=AfmBOopnz3OjR9cLJtpLtm0kOVK4OyQ_jVbZflyStZJQLlmECfmpQFFL I have this style in about 8 colours and get compliments every time I wear them eg I'd ducked in to the grocery store one day and a random lady complimented me. As noted above, the waist and the more tailored bodice give shape and the floaty skirt makes it very feminine.

I absolutely do not think there's anything wrong with dressing in a way that your partner finds attractive and him for you. There's been many occasions where I've told dh a particular piece of clothing didn't suit him/I didn't love it and he's absolutely left it on the rail. And same for me, I've often asked dh to help me choose between outfits or pieces of clothing when out shopping or what I have at home. The last time this happened was when I reached for my green super comfy primark pjs and he simply said 'I don't like those pajamas'. I can see why to be very honest. I've put them back in the drawer for when he's not around!

A guy on the cutting edge, I see

Jeans and a t-shirt man dictating his wife’s fashion choices.

Not read the whole thread but people may have suggested this already, can you make time for a proper date night, you could then dress up slightly smarter I dont mean whole new wardrobe or anything but make more effort than day to day. Of course womens bodies change on having kids but your husband might be reminiscing to you pre kids and wanting to see you more than a mum. I have to agree I find some shoes are very ugly Birkenstocks but it’s personal choice.

My husband wouldn't dare say it but he'll hold up anything baggy when hanging the washing and say why did you always hide your shape?

I hear you’ve had two babies and a loss in a few years, you have a thyroid issue, you’re the default parent. Do you work outside the home on top of all this as well? It’s not your jeans, you are married to a man who hasn’t understood that his life should have changed as much as yours has since you became parents.

Maybe see if he actually starts proper parenting and you get your night to do your hobbies regularly before spending your time and energy and money in attempting to please your partner with your day to day look.

I’ll happily tell DH what I think of his clothes, so on occasion I have to take it on the chin when he has an opinion on something I’ve bought.

He sounds like your husband, dresses only in jeans and t-shirts, is stuck in the early noughties, would love it if I resurrected a pair of skinny jeans (not happening). He has very little opinion on fashion, other than, he really doesn’t like the modern boxy fit clothes. I tried a pair of Mom jeans and he was pretty honest about not liking them…I got annoyed with him, but actually realised it’s because I didn’t really feel good in them either - I felt really dumpy. I ended up avoiding jeans/trousers for two years because I couldn’t find a fit I liked.

DH would probably be happy if I just wore my gym leggings/shorts everywhere, but he likes my wide fitting jeans/trousers that are fitted around the bum/waist with a fitted top. I pretty much just live in dresses at this time of the year and he doesn’t seem to have much of an opinion either way about any of them.

Does it really matter if you love them? People who might judge you for wearing them obviously have nothing more interesting in their lives to worry about.
Wear your skinnies, flip the bird to the fashion snobs and enjoy the one life you are living.
The world could end tomorrow I, for one, am living today.😀

This. Why would you stop wearing something you like?!

Because if you have any sort of interest in fashion/what’s current, why would you wear something so out-of-date? Plus skinnies are so much more uncomfortable in my opinion… I loved 50s fashion when it was in, but I’m not going to go out dressed in a Lindybop dress now.

Skinny jeans are back for the fashion set though. With heels no less.

The woman on the left looks awful. That's a terrible outfit.

me too, tbh I don't give a shit about fashion if you like them wear them. still see plenty of women wearing them.