Husband "hates all my clothes"

[KizzyA]

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

Get a few shopping trips on the go, treat yourself to some wine or whatever after. Just because you've had kids there's no need to look frumpy.

@pinkyredrose I don't think the OP has said she feels frumpy anywhere? She's happy with her look, but also wants a couple of options that are more fitted.

This is quite a nice comfy but figure showing look too (again, colour not really representative!)

That’s lovely.

Are you able to,lose/ want the weight?
Change the way you are, long term, had my sons at 26 and 29, more changes since menopause at 45.

He sounds utterly clueless with fashion and as such, he’s not entitled to an opinion. Has he not noticed skinny jeans have been over for some time? And black capri pants? You’re not 80.

This isn't about clothes.

It's a psychological problem of your husband's. Either he can't feel attracted to someone who is a mum, or he is deep down a bit jealous of the attention you give to the babies, or feels he's lost you in some way.

How hands on is he as a father? How much time per week does he spend solely in charge of his children, with no help or input from you?

Some immature and self absorbed men's lives do not change one iota after they become fathers, but they simmer in growing resentment of the ways their wives' lives, attention, and figures end up being moulded by the experience of parenthood.

It may well be that your H needs to hurry up and accept the new reality of your lives. Being a very hands on father can speed up the process immensely.

He needs to accept that he's a parent, you're a parent, and the clock isn't going to turn back to the times when you were spontaneous and fancy free.

I’ve found TikTok a surprisingly helpful source of inspiration for ‘midsize’ fashion. It won’t necessarily tell you exactly what to buy, but it might help you start to look at different combos or styles. There are also those services you sign up to online where they send you new things each month and you can keep (buy) what you like and return the rest. That could be fun.

I don’t think your husband saying this is the end of the world. I’ve told my husband before I’m not keen on items he’s bought/wanted to buy and he’s done the same. That doesn’t mean we definitely don’t buy them but I do trust my husband’s feedback and he trusts mine. Plus, half the time I have no idea what I like or what suits me so he’s a good sounding board. I’d actually love for my husband to say this to me at the moment - I’m in a ‘I hate all my clothes’ phase and it would green light a massive shopping trip to ‘make him happy.’

This type of look might work well on you too, as you're petite
https://pin.it/2ewcR1xsk

I’m in a bit of a rush today but check out keelieslife on tt for inspo! Literally just inspo, I don’t relate to her colour palette at all but she posts some gorgeous shapes.

Why do women wear unflattering clothes because they're in fashion? You can get any style of clothing you like on Vinted. I've been wearing sixties/early nineties style since the early nineties because it suits me.

Would fifties style dresses suit you op? They tend to suit an hourglass shape. Would you be ok with trousers that are more fitted at the top? On Amazon you can get flared leggings...if you wear them with Skechers wedges (amazingly comfy) they should be an ok length and give you more height.

I'm your height and was a size 12 at one point and (without wanting to be negative) it was incredibly difficult to find flattering clothes. I ended up buying the same dress in different colours.

I dress similar to you, love a barrel shape, boxy oversized t-shirts etc. but I do also love the occasional dress and scoop neck top. So I compromise if we have a night out by wearing something tighter than I usually wear in, as he loves to see my shape. I usually wear a square/round neck tight top and loose high waisted trousers or jeans or a an a line midi skirt. To be honest as long as he sees a little cleavage he's happy. I think compromise is key, as I would expect him to dress up a little when we go out too.

Let’s hope his attempts to be less selfish last OP.

The numbnut should have chosen his words more carefully: “you always look beautiful to me, but I used to love it when you wore xyz” rather than a childish blurted ‘me hate your clothes change them now’.

I'm also a size 12-14 and 5ft 1, thick thighs and smaller middle, 34gg bra size. I do generally like showing off my waist if I get dressed up.. I got the palazzo jeans from marks and Spencer and they look great with a top tucked in if you are happy showing off your waist.

First post nails it!

I'm not sure if anyone else has recommended this yet as I've only read the OP'S comments, but stylemehappy are fab for this sort of situation.

They do colour and shape analysis, and advise on what colours and styles will suit you. They also do mini shops so you get a selection of what is out in the shops that would suit you. Very reasonable prices and they have a lovely FB group too full of nice people.

I think they also do some sort of course for people who have lost confidence in their style or clothing choices which sounds like it would be perfect for you!

It's so easy to lose ourselves and our relationships when the kids are young. It's fab you are both thinking what to do to make things better for yourselves and as a couple.

I wouldn’t take what he says he wants you to wear too literally. I’d ignore his requests for skinny jeans etc.

I would use this as an excuse to buy a lovely new wardrobe! 👍 which can only be a fun thing!

I don't know any men who like the current jeans trends, they all seem to prefer skinny jeans and more form fitting clothes. What you are wearing is just standard, everyday clothing!

What would you wear if you were going for dinner somewhere nice together? Would he like any of those styles? know you said you don't really ge to go out, nit there's no reason you cant do some date nights at home and dress gor the occasion.

When I was you size (before I got a lot bigger!) I wore a long 50s style clothes from places like Collectif, Banned Retro etc. they were flattering, feminine (which it sounds like he would like), and not unfashionable like the things he likes. Would you feel comfortable wearing g that sort of thing sometimes? Maybe not for dog walking, but weekends out and about ?

Skinny jeans?! 😂 Does he want you to pop a ticket back to 2020 in the basket, as you're doing your shopping?

Sorry, no advice re clothes. I'm also unable to dress myself well, since having had two babies. I wear wide leg jeans and "retro", oversized t-shirt every day. I look like my dad in the 90s, only fatter 🙃

I was coming back here to recommend meagan wells too, I love her style and it’s all very realistic.

I totally get this! My husband wishes for "sexier" clothes too. I'm constantly telling him that oversized is in fashion. I do agree whilst its comfy there ain't nothing too sexy about it. I recently brought a cool Barbour coat with a voucher and he hates it is not one bit fitted. It's hard as a mum of young kids to get it right I feel!

Have a look at Pinterest etc and see if there's any inspiration.

There’s an interesting podcast called ‘How do you cope?’ Interviewing Meghan Jane Crabbe she discusses the amount of ‘fitting in’ and appeasing men women have to do to please and keep men. Especially in the way their body looks and is dressed.

It’s an interesting listen- you might just need to hear it right now.

I think its healthy that you have had this heart to heart and listening to each other .
Yes you have had children together and life changes,
You are still you and want to feel sexy and attractive for yourself and your husband try off the shoulder tops they can be roomy but sexy & feminine .
Flowy skirts & dresses are pretty xx

Tell him to fuck off … to quote dame helen mirren