He admitted he doesn’t like giving oral sex.

[HLamarr]

Been together 1.5 years - at the start he gave it to me a normal amount. Used to joke about being out of practice and needing to get practice in, I was happy to oblige. In truth he wasn’t great at it but I’ll take average cunnilingus that can be improved to none..,

About six months ago, this dwindled to only when I ask for it. I spoke to him, said I’d love him to initiate sometimes and he claimed to like it just as much as other acts. He makes me orgasm from fingering, only this and oral can achieve this for me.

After this, he still didn’t initiate unless I asked for it. Lately we’ve been having more sex than usual where I am giving him more oral than ever. I asked him why he’s not reciprocating?

His response shocked me. He said he has to be in an overwhelmingly passionate mood to do it - so he isn’t when we have sex normally?? That it does nothing for him personally. And said I don’t need to give loads of blowjobs if reciprocation is bothering me.

It upset me so much to hear this. I love him but I am not sure I can get past this, it’s an important part of sex for me. He isn’t selfish normally and his response was.

The day after this talk he went down on me and I orgasmed but of course now I know he doesn’t really want to be there…

He's entitled to his preferences, and you're entitled to feel disappointed. I guess you need to take some time to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. I personally wouldn't be giving blow jobs either. I sometimes enjoy giving them, but if its not reciprocal, I'd become resentful.

I have to say. I'd hate to lick a vagina too.

I think a lot of people associate vaginas and penis's with urine. So we think they might smell and be dirty.

I just saw a tiktok recently where a man was talking about how awful it is to go down on women, as women often have balls of toilet paper stuck in their vagina!

My entire point was that generalising based on dubious majority statistics (citation and methodology needed there) is unhelpful because these dilemmas happen when the man or the woman or both does not conform to what the majority do, or what the majority are perceived to do, and it is OK not to conform. So saying "well most men do this" and "most women do that" only serves to deny the lived experience of the person who ISN'T feeling that.

Pretty sure that oral sex predates modern porn.

If this was reversed the man would be told he's disgusting and the woman doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want and it's fucking pathetic to break up with someone over.

Also let me point out that you said you ask and he does it but you want him to initiate but it seems that he is also asking for a BJ.. so so you initiate that without being asked? If so that's your choice to do so, his choice is to not.

You're selfish imo. Not him. If you're imagining an ex and other people then you need to let him to be free to find someone that actually wants to be with him and doesn't think about an ex because they gave fucking oral all the time.

Absolutely pathetic.

Yeah I'm sure it does.

Sorry to be clear, I'm talking about the rough blow jobs where they make the woman choke in porn.

The last times I gave men blow jobs they were so rough with me. They were quite violent. Making me choke. I was coughing and spluttering and not enjoying it one man said he liked seeing me suffer.

Oral sex has become more violent and dominant from porn

It's not a loving intimate thing

Speak for yourself please, not other people here. Presumably you don't have mind reading skills, so you don't know what we'd say. Personally I'd say the exact same to a man as I have here to OP.

I don't think that's an accurate or helpful interpretation. Orgasms are such a hard thing to describe, and so wholly subjective, that you can't ever really compare with another persons. I assume that the clitoral orgasms most people have, the ones everyone seems to love having, are wonderful in all sort of ways I can never imagine, or ever experience. Very different to mine, which are a release, but that's about all, and not especially enjoyable to receive. Because we are all wired differently.

Why be so nasty.

I don't think shes pathetic at all

She's entitled to want oral sex. As its usually the only way that women can orgasm.

He's also allowed to never want to do it.

And in that case if they can't reach a compromise they could maybe break up. She is allowed to leave the relationship.

A lot of couples break up over sexual incompatibility.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who hates oral sex.

I used to be with one guy like that.

Now I'm with a man who loves giving oral sex. My life is so much better.

I think it's more than about oral sex.

I used to be with a man like that. He wanted lots of blowjobs, he never wanted to give oral sex.

You can start to feel very used. And it builds up to anger and resentment.

And then you feel like "you don't care about my pleasure, you only care about yours".

I'm so sorry experienced that, it's assault and men using their dicks as a weapon. Disgusting behaviour.

He doesn't like it and told you so.

If you don't want sex without someone doing what they don't really want to do, then end the relationship.

The rest of the posts about women being entitled to expect it for sexual satisfaction are just waffle.

I thought you said he was happy to go without if reciprocation was an issue?

I used the word 'squeamishness' and, as I said, there's no judgement in it - it says nothing whatsoever about a person's worth. There's no right or wrong in it. I, however, just find it an unappealing thing in a partner. I appreciate people can't help it, but I don't find it attractive in a partner. Not just in relation to sex, but also in relation to things like food and pets and things like that. I'm fully aware that people can't help being fussy about food - if they can't stand the taste/texture of something, that's not their fault - and I don't judge them for it, but I couldn't have a relationship with them. Similarly, I would find it offputting if a partner was nervous of animals. Again, not their fault and there's nothing wrong with them as people, but they would not be right for me.

I can certainly assure that my lack of squeamishness is equally offputting for plenty of people. In my younger years when I was dating, I certainly encountered men who were turned off by, for example, my language in the bedroom or my attitude to sex in general. Fair enough - we weren't compatible, that's all. No right or wrong to it.

I’m shocked you could happily orgasm from him giving you oral AFTER he’d told you he doesn’t like it.

so you led there, thinking of England, not caring that your partner didn’t really want to be doing it and you still came. Now that’s the epitome of selfishness.

I would absolutely not be saying it's 'fucking pathetic' to any man who broke up with a woman over sexual incompatibility.

Why shouldn't someone want a satisfying sex life? It's important. If oral sex is someone's absolute favourite thing sexually, it's not remotely pathetic for them to wonder if they can have a fulfilling sex life without it. I personally couldn't. I'd miss it and I'd be thinking about it a lot.

Your level of anger seems both extreme and personal and smacks of projection, so if you've been dumped by someone over something sex-related, I'm sorry about that, but getting this wound up by a stranger's sexual preferences isn't going to help you.

I would hate to never receive oral sex again.

It's hard.

Because you see a lot of men on here saying their wife doesn't want sex and they are really struggling with that.

And I can see it from both sides. That absolutely the wife shouldn't have sex if she doesn't want to.

But also that it is very difficult to expect a man to be OK with never having sex again.

That's why I personally think it's too unrealistic and hard in a lot of cases to be in one monogamous relationship. Especially if you're sexually incompatible.

I won't do monogamy. I'm dating more than one man at the moment . They all know about each other. And they're all fine with it

He wasn't dishonest.

He didn't say he loved it, he expressed the idea that he wasn't good at it and needed more practice. Probably because you were quite insistent about it being important to you, at the same time as quietly thinking he wasn't good at it but you'd take bad oral over none.

So he didn't lie. He tried to like it because you think it's a deal-breaker and he wanted to please you and now you know each other better he's being honest about not enjoying it and not wanting to do it.

So you can end the relationship. Not sure why you think you're entitled to it or why you're feeling angry.

And no, you don't 'love him' if you're angry that he's not wanting to perform sexual acts that he doesn't enjoy just to please you.

I think you're using the word 'squeamish' inaccurately; it's irrelevant, or at best judgemental, when applied to sex.

I choose an activity I enjoy, let's say vaginal sex, over an activity I don't enjoy, giving or receiving oral sex. That's not squeamish, it's pleasure-seeking. You call it 'squeamish' because it's different to what you like and need. Different is the word. Just different.

Selfish to tell me he doesn’t do it due to getting nothing out of it personally

Orrr what a horrible sentence. If a man had said that about a woman and blow job's people would be appalled.

Shocked you'd be happy for him to continue to do a sexual act that you know he doesn't enjoy... because if he didn't you'd deem him selfish 🤢🤢🤢

I think you're being very harsh labelling him as dishonest for doing stuff because he knew you liked it for most of the last 18 months. That is not dishonesty it's being a giving partner, or maybe exploring boundaries. He did not owe you a full exposition of his exact feelings on oral sex, from day 1, and anyway he is allowed to change his mind..

Expecting to receive without giving is a completely different matter. You should be cross about that, not the fact he has shared this now or that he didn't earlier.

Not really. Not if her solution is to leave this man and find one she is more sexually compatible with.

Same. If I knew a man really didn’t like performing oral on me but only didn’t it because I really wanted it I could never enjoy it again.

I guess now OP just has to decide how much of a big deal it is for this relationship and future ones.

It’s not a generalisation when data supports it.

This would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't stay with a man who didn't love giving pleasure as much as getting it. Oral sex is a pretty basic sexual thing and his being crap in bed and unwilling to learn is not something you have to settle for.