Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

Moreadventurous
You are on dangerous ground here , I don’t necessarily like the idea of scheduling sex but if you are not careful you could easily fall into a sexless marriage.
I would start with agreeing one night a week of doing to bed at the same time regardless of how tired I felt .
Naked maybe just cuddling and stroking each other , ask him to pleasure you ,
Ask him directly doses he realises you have been masturbating alone
hearing these words should definitely induce a positive reaction.
Too most men hearing their wife saying I mastrubate regularly because we are not making time for each other would and should be a huge turn on .
Hope this helps

@MoreAdventuroussounds like yet another man choosing porn over sex with a real woman. Would he come to bed at the same time as you?

Morning 😊..
Ye need to sit down together & talk ..
Best of luck X

I'm not convinced sitting down and talking is the answer.

Just offer the guy sex really clearly and explicitly a lot for 7 days in a row and also with a bit of notice (so he knows to abstain from wanks so he's well up for it.)

If he says no repeatedly you'll know there's really a problem. My guess is he'll feel like all in Christmasses have come at once.

Alternatively plan a weekend in advance where the grandparents have the kids and where he know for certain his luck will be in. I bet he doesn't say no to that. If he does you know you have a real problem. I bet you don't.

@NCForThatForumM The only time that sex is definitely on the cards is when the kids are at the grandparents overnight. But that only happens 3-4 times a year and there's no follow up sex.

@Gymbunny2025 I truly don't believe that porn is the problem at all. I think, for him, it's his depression and discomfort about his appearance since he's gained weight (this doesn't bother me). It's completely destroyed his sex drive.

I have spoken about the issue before and it made things better for a short time but it looks like I need to have another chat. And then make sure to be more proactive on my end too.

Not long got out of a sexless marriage with DH, it ended amicably, but sex was non existent for years. I’m now at a point where I’m not getting any younger, but also don’t have much time for dating, I got recommended fabswingers by a friend, but not sure if it’s for me or not

Fabswingers is definitely not for the faint hearted, but you can make it work for you. If you decide to go that route, make a profile, block everybody, then you can approach people that take your fancy. Feeld & WeAreX (Killing Kittens) are other options.

I think the key is spotting the lack of chemistry at the dating stage and moving on! So many people don’t even though the signs are right in front of them. I’m one. Settled after a divorce and it’s backfired. I have only had real sexual chemistry with one person and it was off the scale. I couldn’t look at them without wanting to rip their clothes off. I would love to experience that again but at 56 I don’t think that’s going to happen now, so nice house, holidays, friendship it is. I have had an affair which only lasted a couple of months and have had chats to people on line which became intense. Sexual needs never go away when they aren’t being met at home.

@Stringer6 - don't write yourself off yet. I'm 62, and still feel that sort of sexual chemistry.

On a complete tangent @Missj25 the (second person plural) pronoun ye definitely needs to be revived outside Ireland.

Ye all please continue with the thread now!

??

OK, this is very unsexy.

'You' in most English variants = 'you' as in one person or 'you' as in more than one.

'Ye' meant more than one but it's dropped out of usage more or less everywhere, contributing to the mess that is English pronouns.

Thanks for that little English lesson tonight Catullus5 😂 😂

Can I join this thread? Been with my DH since I was 18, I'm now 34. Two young children. Sex has always been an issue, my libido has always been higher, he's very repressed and awkward about it. Always with the lights off, always the same positions. Occasional ED that has become more frequent. Last year he started having panic attacks whenever I tried to initiate, which of course has led to no sex at all while we try to figure out what the hell is going on. He's doing the right things - spoken to his GP, switched medication, is on the waiting list for psychosexual therapy. But I just don't know how much more I can take. He's not gay as far as I know. No childhood trauma. I can't even hug and kiss him properly for fear he's going to take it the wrong way and freak out. Even watching movies with sex scenes in is painfully awkward.
I love him, and our life together, but this is killing me.

I just read my last post back and I sound so selfish. Of course my DH is suffering more than me. I'm sick with worry about him. I think he's depressed and always has had low-level depression. I'm scared to bring the issue up for fear of hurting him. I just feel so sad and want to fix this.

Sorry to hear about your husband, does he have any bodily insecurities?

To avoid the mistakes I made in my life and loss of sex in the last 10 years of my 25 year marriage, any lady I date I'll have to ask the question very soon after meeting her. It may put them off but I can't go without sex again. I don't know what others think but 'Naked Attraction' is great at breaking down the taboo and embarrassment of talking about our sexual needs to find whole body and mind peace. Being on this thread helps me realise ladies have suffered just as much as I did. I won't give up hope of finding a companion even at 61.

Have a read of the dating/relationship threads on mumsnet @Adidas105. 99.9% of women will think you’re a creep if you start with sex chat too early. You need to get to know someone as a person first or they will just assume you are looking for a walking vagina. If you are then I think a site like fabswingers would be more appropriate

Yeah, but you're looking for that golden 00.1%.

Just as a woman on a first date saying she wants dogs, 2 kids and to give up full time work would put off some blokes, but if she doesn't say it early she's either wasting her time or making two lives miserable.

Absolutely. If you value your happiness, there is zero point being coy about your needs and wants. People not being clear, and being too quick to compromise on these at the start of a relationship is a reason why they end up stuck in miserable marriages.

And another thing that will become clear after a read of the relationship boards is that it can be very difficult to tell the difference between a partner who enjoys the thrill and excitement of sex with somebody new at the start of a relationship, and a partner who actually values and prioritises quality sex throughout and won't let it go by the wayside as soon as the excitement fades and the reality of daily life kicks in. Usually right after commitments have been made!

@MissiliaAmori I m sorry to read about your situation. I feel your pain. Your libido is clearly increasing whilst DHhas declined to non existent an e…it is clear there is some thing he is holding back, unless he is prepared to fully open up,I’m afraid to say your sex life will never be awaken…keep trying but for how long can you cope your desires and urges with self pleasure in private ?

What would you be asking her?

Judging by all the OLD threads it will be do you do anal 😂😂

plus the other stereotypes of sex positive/no vanilla.

no wonder women are turning away from the apps! If I’m ever single there is zero chance I would use them!!

And talking about kids and marriage on a first date will also make you sound insane!

there’s no rush! Why can’t people just get to know each other naturally these days?!