Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

Chin up and smile. Shit happens as Forest Gump said. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity. Don't beat yourself up. I lived in a sexless marriage for 10 of the 25 years of marriage. Sure it cost me financially and my ex has the youngest of our 7 children live with her. I see them for 2 hours every six months. So what. I survived a heart attack 3 years ago. I work off and on as a business consultant and live in a new home with no mortgage. I don't have a partner so still sexless but I'm free of the stress of a failed marriage. Keep looking upwards.

Book a holiday away for just the two of you and talk like you did in the early years finding out about each other. Hold hands. Go for an intimate dinner somewhere. Don't expect sex straight away but be attentive and affectionate. I tried this but failed miserably so I knew a divorce was required. All the best. I now have intimate dinners on my own.

IMHO it's time to divorce or at least separate. You cannot exist as a sexual human being not having sex on a regular basis. It's not healthy for you. Look after yourself. Love yourself. It's your right to have sex on a regular basis with a man who will appreciate you. Lecture over.

Thank you for starting this thread. For me, the physical side of my relationship started off OK, but looking back there were definitely red flags. However, a mixture of naivety and not wanting to rock the boat led to us getting married (we were both young and people pleasers). After we had kids our sex life pretty much stopped. I felt incredibly alone and thought we didn't have sex because there was something wrong with me. Then I stumbled on a Mumsnet post about it. It made such a difference knowing how common it was and that I wasn't alone.

After almost 20 years together we made the decision to divorce. For me it was the physical side which was missing, not just sex but hugs and kisses. For her it was a lack of emotional closeness (I've read that this is a common dynamic). I think we were both pulling away in our own way, and the situation just got worse.

I have since learnt that so many people are in the same position living separate lives but still living together. Sexless marriages must be very common and seems to affect both men and women.

I’m single & have never craved sex so much since I hit peri
balls being single 🙁
I have fun here & there , but not half enough 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know exactly what you mean! I’m in perimenopause too and I crave it all the time.

Unfortunately I’m married and would probably have a lot more sex if I were single 😩

Oh being single isn’t great either , trust me !
Sex is still much nicer with someone you are emotionally connected to 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Everyone has needs though, & I have to have sex , don’t wish to be celebate either , so like I said I have fun here & there ..

No one ever talks about the hornyness of peri…. It can cause some rather intrusive thoughts at times. Not so great when you’re at work in a meeting I find!

I'll be the other half LOL

I’d imagine not 😂
I find the morning when I wake the worst , just really want sex !
Night , not as much ..
Couples that are together for years , that get on really well & still have a great sex life are extremely lucky people…

I know a couple who enjoy sex every day and have had 8 kids. The wife demands it every day and my friend always obliged. Boy was and am I jealous!

If my OH could he could have it every day at the moment. And you’re right @Missj25, mornings are the worst. A vibrator helps but doesn’t quite hit the spot entirely

So he says 😂😂

If your OH could have it every day why aren't you giving it to him? Ditch the vibrator and ride him like a buckaroo.

Don't you have a OH to help you?

Lucky you 😂😂

It was crazy for me! Settled a lot now but more sexual than ever before (but that’s probably because I realised I was in a sexless marriage and that side of things just wasn’t there). Hormones are powerful!

Who are you replying to??

Maybe because he’s the one with no interest in sex which was one of the reasons OP started the thread

I think Adidas105 got confused for a second cause I did too !
I had to reread ..
OP is saying if her OH wanted sex , she would gladly have sex every morning but he doesn’t, it’s just the way it was written was a little confusing for a second..

this is a great thread for everyone to comment on. Well done for setting it up.
At what point has it gone to far and you need to walk away for your happiness but know that you will be splitting up your family? The thought of people finding out the reason you left aswell?
obviously it’s never just sex and it’s always more than just that though.

For me it was ten years of putting up with not just a sexless, but intimacy-less, passionless marriage.

One blessing was that our children were about 16 & 18 when we told them we were splitting up, and their reaction was pretty much "you need to do what makes you happy".

It did split up the family, but we are all on good terms (we got together at Easter!), and I would definitely say my XW and I are both happier. We certainly have a better relationship now that the elephant of sex is no longer in the room.

As for people finding out - tell who you need to tell, but just say something like "we grew apart" to others.

Sorry @Adidas105 and @Missj25 … yes, I meant if he was able or willing he’d be very satisfied right now… sadly he has no desire to hence starting this thread

Thankyou for apologising. I wish I'd had a wife like you. I wouldn't have got divorced and 7 children suffer.

I remember the days when my partner hit peri it was a fantastic and very fulfilling time especially for me as she was rampant!
Pardon my french as they say but fuck cancer and fuck the aftermath even when you beat it !