Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

Some eye opening and heart breaking posts here.
I agree with most of them. If youre not turned on by your partner then IMHO its very hard to get that back...

The perfect emoji.Ive seen his posts on other threads including ones that have been deleted. 🤮🤮🤮

Then he goes onto ‘advertise’ himself as having a private dentist and top of the range Merc. 😂😂😂 Too funny.

@R2D2C3POSkywalker thank you for sharing. To answer your question: “why are you staying” I don’t really know, maybe it’s because I had the old fashioned idea that I will marry a guy and stay either way him, I’m not sure if I actually believe this anymore, also we have 2 kids and they’re quite young, I don’t have family support - I once tried to confide in my mother who basically called me a slut and said I’m lucky to be with such a nice guy who respects me! She told me if I leave I will just find users and awful men and I will one day bang my head in the walls regretting leaving such a decent man. I think she’s got in my head. I don’t speak to my mum because of these crazy things she says, it’s actually quite funny if you take the emotions out of it in terms of what she thinks a marriage should be.

I think in the next year or so i want to start liking myself again, I want t to stop comfort eating, start healthy habits and liking myself once again then I can think about the next steps. Truthfully I’m being quite unkind to DH by getting easily angry with him I know it’s my issues because I feel so hurt that he does t want me. I need to start liking myself again.

BTW: sorry I won’t be responding to any PM’s from anyone. Two people from reading my earlier post have messaged me but I’m not on here to meet anyone! I won’t respond to any PM but please feel free to ask me questions and I will happily talk on this thread. Thank you for understanding.

Also trying to get women to PM him so he can shag them! What a tool 🤣

I just checked and his cucumber post is still there. I (used to) quite like cucumbers 🥴

Then I'll add this 🤮 to yours!

@Gymbunny2025 @MySXforumnn i really wish I knew what u guys were talking about 😂 I will read this thread in detail tomorrow so will understand then. Good night everyone

@Dsdashgs12 Thanks for sharing your story. I have exactly the same story but male and a little older then you, but been thought exactly the same experiences with my DW. I would get upset when younger going each night to a dark cold bedroom. I found this thread after trying for a few years to find the answers to why my wife is like this. I’ve posted more earlier on this thread.
Found out she is passive aggressive and a little narcissistic which never showed up until we got married. She tended to use this as a way to control me. Like you marriage and being a father is more important than my sex life which I now totally regret.
I put on weight from comfort eating and started to drink heavily, until I realised this was only adding to my lack of self worth and bouts of depression. So decided to do something about it a few years ago. I learned the most important thing is to LOVE YOURSELF (In more ways then one) I stopped drinking, signed up to a gym and lost 52kg in the last 10 years.
Don’t let your partner take anything else from you and be as sexy as hell if it makes you feel good.
Even know my DW hates it because I go out to the gym and the occasional complement, but do it for me.

Two people from reading my earlier post have messaged me but I’m not on here to meet anyone! I won’t respond to any PM

Why do the men insist on manspreading into OUR space (FYI, it’s called Mumsnet, not Dadsnet) and being so fucking grim? The header on the page literally says not to message users without asking their permission first. Men: A WOMAN OFFLOADING ABOOUT HER MARRIAGE IS NOT AN OPEN INVITATION FOR YOU.

FFS.

Your mum should be supporting you, not telling you to stay like that. Everyone wants to be desired and wanted. If that isn’t part of a marriage then two people are just friends. You are missing something in your life and it will, undoubtedly, niggle away at you. We all crave affection, passion and, well, excitement! Well, most of us do!

You need to start thinking of yourself. It’s great you are stopping comfort eating. You will feel great in yourself. But, long term, where do you see yourself in ten years time?

Some men are using it like the previous hook up threads that got deleted. 🤮

This infuriates me. Men who can reasonably be part of the conversation are most welcome.

But the others need to understand: as women, we have been putting up with this shit since we hit puberty. We’re exhausted from the non consensual comments, the non consensual touching, the non consensual DMs, and the non consensual dick pics. My days in my teens and twenties of trying not to make predatory men feel any discomfort are long gone. I’m in my 40s now and will not tolerate it anymore. I’ve seen enough.

The liklihood of decent men posting on mumsnet, especially the sex board, is not impossible, but fairly low. Although it’s the internet, good men would see mumsnet as a women’s space really, and so to use it, especially hanging mostly around sex threads, it speaks volumes. I’ve read enough on this board and others too, from men, to think most here aren’t here for genuine reasons.

Hey OP ..
I know it is easier, much easier infact , said than done , but why stay ..
Don’t stay …
You already resent him & we only get one life . You don’t mention that everything else is great aside from intimacy …
You deserve to be happy & feel good about yourself..
Why do you feel leaving is not an option ?

Some of the posts I see from other men make me cringe!
I've been on here a very long time as it was a very useful tool when my partner was going through pnd after our daughter was born and I was struggling by myself.
I will always thank that I found this place.
I'm more of a watcher than contributor.

Getting back on track, we have seen many different reasons and version's of a sexless relationship on this thread. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, whether it's through lack of desire or in my partner's case illness. We are all in the same boat and shall continue to offer support to each other.

I’ve read all 13 pages and almost feel guilty posting because I don’t want to offend/upset any of the ladies.

im 41, male, in a generally very good marriage but the sex is non existent. She puts it down to her libido and general lack of interest in anything other than very vanilla.

i have spent years reassuring her and working at her pace but to no avail. I haven’t cheated but I think I’m almost prepping myself to.

i have little confidence in my own looks but having recently lost a lot of weight, 1/3 of my body weight I am now very much in a ‘normal’ size category and amazingly my big fear of loose/saggy skin just hasn’t happened which is a relief.

i have had a very frank and honest conversation with a female colleague I’m very close to and she has told me she would like a fwb scenario with me, although tempting I’m not muddying the water work wise it just isn’t worth it should it go wrong.

at the moment I’m torn between stay quiet as I am, actively look to cheat or see if it happens naturally.

it’s a frustrating situation and whatever I do I feel like I’m in the wrong/the bad guy.

I can’t stress enough how much I have tried to avoid this situation but ultimately if she isn’t receptive to the most basic sexual needs what can I do?

i am certain she isn’t cheating and she very frequently tells me how good I look etc etc, so I don’t think she is feeling the same way as me at all

@Elgenius you have every right to want a FWB, but it’s not a FWB if you’re still married, and not in an open marriage—it’s an affair. Have the decency to divorce or open the marriage first.

You need to leave the marriage. It’s not working for you and you’ll end up resenting her.

She’s got form for this and has had posts deleted several times, she doesn’t seem to understand what libel is; she’s very bitter towards men, presumably reflecting her life experiences.

I was lucky enough to be able to retire early, so according to her, I apparently have no right to be here as some creepy 60 year old - I’m only 47, loving the freedom of writing and travelling with my lovely wife.

Just see through it, it’s very funny!

M60 here and in a long term marriage with far too rare sex.
Interesting thread and to see it's not just me
And I don't drive a Merc .....

You better start saving then 😂

Not for me thanks. Never been into cars. Rather spend it on good food and sports events

I have never understood people who list a car as an attribute! It just screams midlife crisis to me

100%!

What about having your own teeth?