Is your husband turned on by the thought of you being intimate with another guy?

[ibegyounotto]

It's actually quite common but guys tend to either not know, supress it or keep it a secret for various reasons.
It tends to reveal itself when a wife confesses to cheating and he finds himself with a raging hard-on.

I'm curious about how many couples are open about this.

There are usually clues such as the types of porn he watches, if he likes to watch you with a dildo (usually one bigger than his own dick), if he likes you to dress revealingly around other men etc.
You can usually test him by telling him about a "dream" or past experience you had where another guy gave you a mindblowing experience, he might protest verbally but his dick might say otherwise.

no he would kill everyone

As I’ve said on another post, try uploading explicit (but anonymised) pictures to eg wife lovers or voyeur web. We’ve done that and he loves all the guys going crazy over me, including the very filthy fantasies they send us - but it’s all anonymous. Going any further would be a red line

I always thought I was in the firm no category, but my partner has recently mentioned she wants to try a MFM threesome.

Gut reaction was an instant no, but after reading about other people’s experiences online and some other research, I can understand why some men would find it a turn on.

I’m more open to the idea of giving it a try (even though I have concerns it’ll be a Pandora’s box type moment).

There's a whole bunch of different scenarios in this thread, but my interest was piqued by the thread title as I am a man who has had fantasies of his wife with another man.

I have zero interest in threesomes or of watching anything and I'm pretty sure my wife doesn't either. But my wife used to go on quite a few business trips to her company's Europe HQ and I've had fantasies involving her being seduced by a suave, handsome colleague while there.

I'm baffled by the many suggestions by men that they'd worry the other men might be too good. The whole essence of my fantasy is of a once-in-a-lifetime, never to be repeated shagging by a Continental.

Of course he can have some control/input if that's what they want - when my boyfriend and I have played with other people there's been constant communication, eye contact, etc. One time we had swapped with another couple and it was clear he'd had enough so I made excuses and we got out of the situation.

He can’t control others emotions, thoughts or feelings.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. The fantasy part, I've done - as per a previous post. It's a complicated situation IMO. Whilst it turns me on to a point.... it's not having sex with other men that turns me on - it's knowing my partner is aroused by it - and the sex we'll have afterwards. But then when the moment has passed I start to feel a bit shitty. It's like, why is sex with just him and I not enough? Why does someone else have to be involved to get him off? Why can't it be about the two of us? Two people who care/love each other wanting to be with each other. And honestly, sometimes it just makes me feel a bit.... used. And this isn't even doing it for real, it's just talking and fantasising!

I don't want to fantasise about him with someone else. He's "mine" and I don't want to share him. He should feel the same way. The thought of me with someone else should make him jealous (to a point), it shouldn't turn him on.

A guy who loves me and doesn't want (or need) to imagine me with other men and wants to keep me all for himself - where can I find me one of them?

@AtYourPleasure i agree with you. My biggest turn on is that my partner only wants me and it is only a him and me situation where we are “enough” for each other.

It's not uncommon to think of it that way.
I don't think you can look too much into sexual fantasies to compare and/or logically analyse them in terms of love. If someone has a kink/fantasy, it's not something they can help, it's not something that will go away if they love someone enough.
Considering bdsm, if you love someone should you enjoy giving them pain, degrading them and that sort of thing? It doesn't make logical sense, it's just sexual pleasure, something you're able to pleasure each other with.
If it makes you uncomfortable then fair enough but imagine there was something (or perhaps there already is) that really got you going sexually, for someone to say you shouldn't need that would be besides the point. That thing does get you going, why wouldn't someone that loves you want to indulge that pleasure for you?

Oh dear that’s precisely the wrong message! People shouldn’t feel obligated to indulge another persons kinks or fetishes because they love them. That’s horrific!

There's probably a lot more I could say but I'm in a rush to get somewhere.... with regards to this > That thing does get you going, why wouldn't someone that loves you want to indulge that pleasure for you? - that's all good and well and if its something you're both comfortable with then fine. But if I want to see my boyfriend get rammed by another guy (and its not something he wants), should he do it just because it gets me going and he loves me?

We're allowed to have our kinks, but we're also allowed to have boundaries and say if something doesn't work for us.

But that's perhaps a separate issue.

I didn't say they should feel obligated. If they had a favourite food, they're not obligated to buy it for them. If they're allergic to that food or hate the smell of it, it would obviously be understandable not to buy it. Otherwise, it's nice to know you can make them happy by surprising them with said food.

I'm sure if you genuinely wanted to see your boyfriend get rammed by another guy he would at least consider it a little more than he ever had before but probably come to the same conclusion😂I'm not saying anyone should indulge their partners kinks if they don't want to, I was just pointing out that the nature of the kink usually doesn't mean that they love you any less or more. On this particular subject, in my experience, guys that are into this usually love their wives/girlfriends more than most. I've known some guys get into this because they were so worried that she might leave him for someone better that they fixated on the idea and it eventually became a turn on.

It is not uncommon for a romance to develop from a swing adventure. Happens all the time. And when it does, one or two people are suddenly out of the game.

They shouldn't feel obligated, but we often do get a lot of pleasure from seeing someone we love enjoy themselves. I know it made/makes me incredibly happy to see my kids doing something they're loving, even if it's not my cup of tea. Even just watching my dog run around is joyous. Seeing my man happy doing pretty much anything made me happy too, and perhaps weirdly that includes sexual activity. I didn't at all feel ok about him having any emotional attachment to anyone else (I'm not polyamorous and that's the boundary of my unselfishness), but physical pleasure? Not an issue.

Of course we all enjoy giving our sexual partners pleasure. But ‘if you love me why wouldn’t you’ is coercive to say the least. Especially in this context.

I think there’s a big difference to watching your kids go to a trampoline park to watching your husband have sex with another woman @PaulRevere . I wouldnt care how much he enjoyed or wanted it if I hate the idea. Yes I will likely try anything in bed at least once as we may enjoy it, but that’s our own sexual intimacy. I think you see sex as just a physical act but I see it as desire, closeness and wanting someone in a sexual way. Luckily my partner has the same mindset as me as I mentioned this thread to him in an open way and he clearly said, as long as we are together, you are mine and mine only and I am yours only.

@PaulRevere

Seeing my man happy doing pretty much anything made me happy too, and perhaps weirdly that includes sexual activity. I didn't at all feel ok about him having any emotional attachment to anyone else (I'm not polyamorous and that's the boundary of my unselfishness), but physical pleasure? Not an issue.

There are certain scenarios that my OH liked to fantasise about that I had never considered before and I have done that. I've done, and probably will continue to do, because it turns him on so much. I will talk/fantasise about it. (even though it can make me very sad). I will not start actually having sex with other men because he likes it. I do not want to. I don't want to watch him with other women. And I am allowed to take that stance.

Your boundary is that your OH can't have an emotional attachment to anyone else. You can't control that. It might happen. But if he comes to you and says "I'm starting to feel something for her and it would make happy to further engage with her on an emotional level...." - are you going to take that happiness away from him? If you can put boundaries in place then so can I.

I get so turned on when my wife goes out I know she’s seeing someone and know she gets fucked by him regular she doesn’t know I know and I won’t sey anything cause I love it I check her knickers when she try’s hide them full of cum I wank all time when she’s out

Ever heard of punctuation?

@Gymbunny2025 But ‘if you love me why wouldn’t you’ is coercive to say the least.

Absolutely. But that's not a stance that's been voiced on this thread.

@AtYourPleasure Your boundary is that your OH can't have an emotional attachment to anyone else. You can't control that. It might happen. But if he comes to you and says "I'm starting to feel something for her and it would make happy to further engage with her on an emotional level...." - are you going to take that happiness away from him? If you can put boundaries in place then so can I.

Well, he's dead, so it won't happen. And who knows how I would feel with another partner, I can't imagine having another relationship at the moment.
But I wasn't ever saying that everyone had to have the same boundaries! (Or lack of 😁) Just trying to explain my feelings as some people were saying they couldn't understand non-monogamy.

@Secondstart1001 I think you see sex as just a physical act but I see it as desire, closeness and wanting someone in a sexual way.

I think it can be either, or both. I've had the latter, that gorgeous deep connection, with people I loved, and the former with people where our only mutual desire was to give each other pleasure.

That’s exactly what the OP said hence my reply!

And in terms of kink/fetish/having sex with others (the context he gave it) it’s even more worrying that’s how he feels

The OP said "why wouldn't someone that loves you want to indulge that pleasure for you?" which isn't the same. And has said no one should feel obligated, and gave what I thought was a clear analogy about food.

It's exactly the same as saying "if you loved me you would..." and that is manipulative.