Is your husband turned on by the thought of you being intimate with another guy?

[ibegyounotto]

It's actually quite common but guys tend to either not know, supress it or keep it a secret for various reasons.
It tends to reveal itself when a wife confesses to cheating and he finds himself with a raging hard-on.

I'm curious about how many couples are open about this.

There are usually clues such as the types of porn he watches, if he likes to watch you with a dildo (usually one bigger than his own dick), if he likes you to dress revealingly around other men etc.
You can usually test him by telling him about a "dream" or past experience you had where another guy gave you a mindblowing experience, he might protest verbally but his dick might say otherwise.

@Toblerone1989 Have you examined why you wouldn’t want him to do the same? Insecurity or jealousy usually comes from a place of fear. Fear of losing him perhaps?

The Ethical Slut is really worth a read if you’re considering opening your relationship.

DP and I are ENM but I play with others a lot more than he does, mainly because he can’t be arsed with chatting up women! 😂 My advice would be to take it slowly and be absolutely, brutally honest with each other about how you’re feeling. If you do take things further, you need very clear rules and boundaries which you trust each other to keep.

It's difficult to think about sex in terms of "fairness", sometimes being blatantly unfair can be half the fun.
Communication is key, don't leave anything open to misinterpretation.
Put your cards on the table. If he wants to see you with another man but you don't want to see him with another woman, that's fine, he can't expect to use it against you if he changes his mind in the future but be sure to raise that concern with him now.
If a woman were to agree to try anal, she shouldn't expect him to agree to try pegging in the future (in the name of fairness) lol.

@ibegyounotto great advice thank you so much I think I have been over thinking/worrying a little too much! the pegging analogy sums its up perfectly 😂

Absolutely top advice. You have to be 100% honest with both yourself and the other person.

My wife and I had lots of discussion before we opened up and continue to do so. Even now, after more than 10 years of us both having, and indeed sharing, other partners, we know that if one partner says they want to stop, we stop and it isn't questioned.

Would just like to add, yes The Ethical Slut is a well written, helpful book.

have just downloaded it on the kindle thank you all for the recommendation.

No my dp would not like this and I wouldn't want to tbh

Most husbands will tell their wife no but yet still secretly desire it, most off-piste sexual adventures happen when on holiday for some reason. Probably due to being being relaxed and around total strangers, then apply some alcohol and you have a recipe for a wife to be promiscuous that neither of you even never planned. What happened in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas, then both you are back home lying in bed in the dark thinking should we talk about what happened or just file away but occasionally take it out when you need something erotic to think about.

You see the thing that most husbands fear most is if any of their male friends found out about their errotic wife fantasies, I know this because my husband secretly loves the idea of me doing something with a stranger (though has never said so directly), even a snog and handjob would do the trick but he would die if anyone found out and he's not alone.

Hugely yes, 36% wasn’t surprising.
When we first invited another man to join us it blew his mind, this was important to me as I’ve done MFM previously and enjoy it immensely but he hadn’t.
We've since done it many times, some experiences could have been better but all were fun and we’ve got a great regular who ticks all the boxes.
Obviously it’s not for everyone but I’d say every woman should try 2 cocks at the same time at least once in their lives.

I won't go into the where and how. I've had a few threesomes, mostly before my 20s and 30s. Although later in life, my girlfriend and I went to a club in Kent which was for swingers. She liked the idea of being with another man, we talked about it and decided to go to a club and see where it went.

We never really found a couple to play with as nobody floated her boat, we did watch some couples have sex and we did have same room sex as a result.

As I got older I have discovered more about myself and don't think about MMF or MFM would be off the table with the right person.

My favourite ver thread on here. I have learnt a lot!!! Thanks a million x

My DH likes the idea of it, but he has absolutely said no way to actually doing it. I would do it; I’m quite sexually open to trying different things, but it’s a hard no from him. He wouldn’t want to add another woman either (and neither would I, it doesn’t turn me on at all).

Wife and I met and married in our late 30s. We both had active sex lives prior, she probably more than I because she was hot. So one afternoon we start talking and she confessed to a MMF threesome. I got incredibly aroused at the thought. That event, however, broke up here relationship. Her boyfriend simply said he did not enjoy seeing his best friend's dick in her mouth. Well, she told him, "you seemed to enjoy it when it happened, as I recall."

I wonder whether it was the fact that it was his best friend, as opposed to someone very distant?

My read on it is that he got so turned on it scared him. His reaction was to reject the entire event, including her. I admit that the story turned me on immensely. Her position is "Been there, done that. No more."

thats interesting, i'd like my OH to be so turned it scares them!

M,55 here

Personally I am quite up for a foursome. I feel it’s more democratic! DW and I have just come back from a break abroad and spent a few nights out and quite a few men (and one woman!) were complimenting me about DW. This has always been the case since we got together.

I think though, it would need to be a couple we were comfortable with. The bloke would need to be attractive but not too confident or dom, and the female would need to be pretty and intelligent.

But yeh, so long as they were our type, I’m pretty sure I’d be excited about swapping. It turns me on to watch her get f*ed and maybe she’d feel the same about watching me. I’ll ask DW sometime soon, see what she thinks and post back!

And you are basing your opening statement on what, exactly? Unless you can point directly to some sort of formal survey or research you are simply re-expressing your preferences.

Don't do that, it makes you look very sad.

Losta, I agree.

A survey by google indicated that 58% of men have fantasized about their partner having sex with someone else, a concept known as cuckolding. This is more common among men than women, with about a third of women reporting similar fantasies.

I tried to find this survey, but failed. Can you help by providing a link.

Just copy and paste the paragraph and search google

I thought cuckolding was being humiliated by the other man having sex with your wife/partner. Isn’t letting another man have sex with your partner known as “hot wifing”? I might be wrong; I’m no expert!

I'm calling "bull" on this. Google wouldn't do surveys on stuff like this. Plus MsDDx is correct with definitions.

My husband absolutely has this kink/fetish/fantasy, and we discussed it and played around with it for ages before actually bringing it into our relationship, and I would never look book. We already had a fantastic relationship, but talking around this and taking little baby steps bit by bit, testing the water, taking another step. It's not for everyone, but we're both very secure people who like adventures and let's just say it's been lots and lots of fun.

In terms of the survey numbers, I'm not really surprised by this, I've heard similar figures on a sex podcast I listen in where psychologists asked about 4000 people and got around 50% or so. I've also had two exes confess to similar fantasies, but we never indulged it.