Is your husband turned on by the thought of you being intimate with another guy?

[ibegyounotto]

It's actually quite common but guys tend to either not know, supress it or keep it a secret for various reasons.
It tends to reveal itself when a wife confesses to cheating and he finds himself with a raging hard-on.

I'm curious about how many couples are open about this.

There are usually clues such as the types of porn he watches, if he likes to watch you with a dildo (usually one bigger than his own dick), if he likes you to dress revealingly around other men etc.
You can usually test him by telling him about a "dream" or past experience you had where another guy gave you a mindblowing experience, he might protest verbally but his dick might say otherwise.

I think it's unethical to 'seduce' someone into a kink it feels sexually coercive and manipulative. It's also not sexy for me if my partner is doing something out of their comfort zone just to appease me.

My husband told me this is a fantasy of his many years ago and I found it sad that he isn't more jealous and manly. I didn't tell him this of course because I wanted to keep the communication lines open and I was also too gobsmacked for words.

Years later our sex life is nonexistant and I asked him about opening up the relationship and he initially said yes, then yes but only if I watch then yes but only if I also get some sex from you and then he said no I don't want this at all. So some fantasies are best kept as fantasies.

He did compare his dick to my dildo. He always loved it when men flirted with me or checked me out. However, that is fine when I'm not into those guys, one time I liked the guy back and my husband was jealous. So he seems more possessive if a man threatens the status quo and my leaving him or loving another man. I feel more objectified because he must be thinking I would just have casual sex when security and connection are vital to me, it's like he doesn't understand me and we have been together for nearly 2 decades.

The worst part for me is this fantasy also hid his bisexuality, he lusts after shemales fucking him. He actually had me peg him which I went along with but could never see him the same, it repelled me off him. I once saw his porn search and he was looking at men and commenting on their videos.

So if I ever date again I would only be interested in straight men who have some jealousy and pride in monogamy. It will be a challenge to find him but I know I'd rather singlehood and celebacy than be in a relationship with a man like mine right now.

I won't leave because the other areas in our marriage make up for the lack of sex and because I know I and my DC will be worse off. I'm not unhappy, I'd say I'm content and live vicarioualy through period dramas (not bloody smutty Bridgerton!)

I'm definitely not a prude but a man into cuckold is so repulsive to me, is he even a real man? Maybe that is exactly why they love it, humiliation of their manhood.. I don't want a man so fucked up like this to drag me into his own misogyny and self hatred.

If you're not into anything like this that is 100% fine, many people, if not most people are not.

However, to so seriously condemn those who do is unbecoming.

Let those of us who enjoy the open lifestyle continue it, and we're very happy for you to live yours.

Never get into a lifestyle you're unhappy with

I am really turned on by this idea, not for the sake of being humiliated or anything like that but for experiencing my wife be a wild sexual person. I also fantasize about her experiences with past partners (which are pretty limited, as far as I know) and even about her possibly having cheated in the past when we were dating. She does get quite excited in the bedroom when we fantasize about this.

Can’t your wife be a wild sexual person with you? Not saying it in a confrontational way but things get pretty wild with just me and my Dp so he knows and loves that side to me and the same for me with him.

@Secondstart1001 you're absolutely right, I didn't mean to imply anything being mutually exclusive. Mostly just an example of a naughty fantasy we enjoy. What do you and yours do together that's wild?

The only rule we have is no sex with other people, that’s important for both of us and it’s good that when we discussed it in the past in a general way that we both didn’t want this. That’s the only rule lol, we have no inhibitions with each other so it’s always great and different depending on our mood.
I don’t judge anyone on this post, it works for others and they are happy and lots of positive stories. What this post lacks is posters coming on with experience of this arrangement not working and why. I’ve found this chat interesting which is why I’ve commented :)

One drunken night my wife and I were having sex in a hotel
she was giving me oral when I said she must be practicing as it was great she got angry and told me she gave a guy a blow job about 20 years ago
i don’t know why but it really turned me on I asked her to tell me about it when we were having sex I had the strongest cum I’ve ever had.

I know what you mean, thinking about some random BJ from 20 years ago can be such a turn on! My wife was a virgin when we met in medical school but she had already been dating a little bit. She gave me BJs pretty quickly (and always swallows) so I imagine she had done the same with at least a couple of other guys before we met (would love to know LOL). Also, when we were dating, she went on a work trip abroad and we were fighting during the trip. Her pubic hair was unexpectedly shaved when we made up on the day she returned home. Wonder if there's a story there!

My OH gets a lot of pleasure from fantasising about me with other men (and women). Sometimes he likes to imagine me being shared amongst more than one man (one fantasy involved 6 others!). He might join in, he might watch.

Sometimes I get him off by giving him a BJ or handjob while telling him about a previous lover. He also likes to lie beside me, while I masturbate as he describes other men having sex with me.

It does turn me on to a point. But I'm very much a one man woman and I don't fantasise about him with other women. It's something that IMO should be nothing more than a fantasy (no judgement on anyone who does it). My OH says he agrees but I suspect if I was willing he would absolutely go for it.

He told me he just likes the idea of me having sex with other people because it's me having sex purely for pleasure and not out of love. Not going to lie - I did tell him you can have both at the same time!

I also don't think I would do this in a LTR due to the potential implications. However if a partner really wanted to watch me have sex with another man I don't think I'd have an issue with that as long as there was some chemistry there. But not something I'd fantasise about personally and only something I'd be up for if they really wanted it.

However another woman would definitely be far more appealing to me.

Sounds like your OH and I have similar fantasies! (Although 6 at once might be a bit much IRL haha). My wife also masturbates while I lay next to her and talk about her with another guy and gets noticeably turned on when we are having sex and the topic comes up. She says she'd do it for me but it's only been a fantasy so far. There's also something sexy about the thought of reclaiming her afterward.
That's so hot that you tell sexy stories from your past while getting him off. Any good ones? I'd love for my wife to do that!

I am very turned on by the thought of my wife with another man. I wouldn’t want a threesome though, and don’t think I’d like to watch even. I would like to know it was happening while it was happening, and would love to be there when she gets back from it. I think it is the idea of her being a sexual being and her giving into her urges. Weird eh. My wife doesn’t know this is a kink of mine. I haven’t told her yet. She is very unwilling to talk about sex

From another perspective, a few years back I chatted to a lady online and was invited round to meet her and her husband for a threesome. they were obviously very secure in their relationship, and he obviously enjoyed it, he watched for a while then joined in, to be honest i think she enjoyed it even more than he did. He was straight as am I so no man on man action, but overall an amazing experience, and they invited me back so must have been good for all 3 of us. I have told one or two ladies I know and I dont think it is the taboo it once was.

Although my wife and I have a lot of sex where there's a third person in different ways, either me watching or all of us in it together, she does also go and fuck one guy away from me (although I have both watched and joined in with them on a good number of occasions)

The thought of her having sex with someone, whilst I am not there really turns me on, and at times I have masturbated happily at the time I guess they will be fucking.

Often when she gets back, we always discuss what they have done, and if she has the strength, he can be very energetic, we either continue where he left off, or she uses her hand to make me cum whilst describing what they did.

After I first posted on this thread I had an opportunity tonight to find out how my husband felt about this fantasy. Definitely not interested!

How did the opportunity come about?

You've said consistently that your husband wouldn't be interested in this fantasy so it couldn't have been a surprise that he poured cold water on it.
I wonder how you'd have felt if he surprised you by saying he'd be up for it?

No, I wasn’t surprised and not at all bothered but I know how common this fantasy is and he’s not one to talk about stuff like that so I was curious to find out if it was something he liked the idea of.

We were talking about sex parties and how they were “off the menu” (I never asked!) and that was when I mentioned the idea that some men like to watch their partner with someone else. He doesn’t. I’m happy with that!

Oh, if he said he would have been up for it I wouldn’t have been bothered either. We all like what we like and if it was something he had indeed wanted to try, I would have discussed this with him. I’ve always tried what he’s asked for in the past.

Yes DP is into this. Started as a fantasy / role play. After a few years we made it happen and enjoyed various scenarios (mfm, mmmf, ffm, etc.). We're not into cuckold-type scenarios, more 'hot-wife' type - though this was pre having a kid, and now we're both too knackered to do anything of the sort! lol. We're both really happy we did explore when we had the energy, and it definitely brought us closer. We were already together a long time (7yrs?) before we acted on the fantasy, so I think that helped that our relationship was pretty solid. It's not for everyone.

I think you fantasise about the strangest things sometimes. I fantasise about my partner with another man. I fantasise about her being with a man with a large penis. Not sure why; I don't think I'd want it to come true. But as a fantasy, it really does it for me.

My wife and I are slightly different in that so far as we will fuck others in our bedroom, but the strict rule is ON the bed not IN the bed.

We can sleep with others in our bed in the sense of being asleep overnight and we always sleep naked with others but strictly no sexual activity in the bed.

Mis-post.

Yes, my DH definitely is. We have recently opened things up under specific conditions and he gets super turned on if I ever DtD with someone else