Is your husband turned on by the thought of you being intimate with another guy?

[ibegyounotto]

It's actually quite common but guys tend to either not know, supress it or keep it a secret for various reasons.
It tends to reveal itself when a wife confesses to cheating and he finds himself with a raging hard-on.

I'm curious about how many couples are open about this.

There are usually clues such as the types of porn he watches, if he likes to watch you with a dildo (usually one bigger than his own dick), if he likes you to dress revealingly around other men etc.
You can usually test him by telling him about a "dream" or past experience you had where another guy gave you a mindblowing experience, he might protest verbally but his dick might say otherwise.

I think it's a common fantasy . I don't think most men would want it as a reality,

Yep, both ways. I find the thought of him with someone a turn on too. We’ve discussed different scenarios and are thinking about the next best move: we both find the whole topic is very exciting…!

Id quite like to watch Mrs D getting shagges by another man...bit weird I know

Maybe as a fantasy but not in reality if the guy had a bigger dick than you or he gives her a mind blowing orgasm . She would probably want to repeat the experience. Jealousy would creep in and you would always think she found the other man more exciting and satisfying than you .

You have the right mindset . Keep it as a fantasy not a reality as the reality would kill the fantasy and spoil everything . Just use it as a fantasy to enhance your pleasure.

Sometimes when masturbating each other we describe really wild situations of watching each other have sex with other people (in all sorts of combinations) but it’s just fantasy. I don’t actually want to be having sex in a barn with two men and other people spying on me, and I doubt he’d actually want that either …

Indeed. Fantasies are best left where they are...as fantasy.

I disagree, you could say the same for hopes and dreams, you just need to weigh up the pros and cons and decide if you really want it enough because it's difficult to go back.
I know plenty of couples whose relationships are many times better for having gotten into things like this.

@ibegyounotto I agree with you.
I've started a new thread as I didn't want to hijack OPs thread here....👍

With respect, how many is “plenty”? Think seriously what it would entail, the risks that are involved in reality vs fantasy.

It depends where you draw the line for whether I "know" them or not but it's tens or hundreds.
I'm well aware what it entails.
Think seriously about the flip side, if you can put enough trust in someone and vice versa to be able to embrace something like this and come out the other side, it does special things for your relationship.
I'm not encouraging it, I just don't agree with the blanket statement that it should be kept as fantasy if all participants enjoy it and relationships are strengthened etc.

I suppose the only way you'd find out if your relationship would truly be enhanced by such a thing is by trying it out. Equally, your relationship could be changed fundamentally. For most couples, it's unknown territory and I'd say most wouldn't want to take the risk.

It seems from this thread that fantasising about your wife going with another man is quite common. I fantasise about this but the fantasy of it and the reality of her climbing into bed with another man, and then them both having sex, would I presume, feel very different.

You don't need to dive off a cliff to test the water.
It's a journey that you take 1 step at a time, as and when you're both ready.
You can start with it as a shared fantasy, play with the idea in public places, flirting etc.
With each step you build more trust and get a better idea of what the next step might feel like.
There doesn't need to be a goal or destination to the journey, just 2 people feeling their way through something for as long as they're comfortable with.

Indeed, when my wife and I first spoke about opening up our marriage, the first person for both of us was someone we had each known for many years and we were both comfortable with the other person having sex with another.

It as certainly worked for us and now we both have a number of people in our life as well as a couple we spend a weekend or two with every month.

Talk about it first in all cases and only if both parties are really happy and sure do you move onto the first stage,

This a great post thank you OP. Its something that me and my DP have been exploring. He has driven it in the sense he is more keen to make it a reality. For me it is not that I am not keen to do it it is more about what some other posters say it not working out. My fear is appearing to not be 'fair' ie he would love to see me with another man, I am not keen to see him with another women - unless it was a couple swapping setting and everyone was present - is this wrong of me? Can we fully enjoy just MMF and never enter into the other dimension or will this then cause a rift or an imbalance. Anyone with any stories would be great to hear. Have read all the posts and it really is giving me something to consider.

Also there are a couple more much more intimate things I would love to discuss but dont know it it too much for this platform!

@Toblerone1989 nothings too much for this platform it seems - discuss away

I understand your fear by the way, it all sounds great until you hear of relationships getting ruined by it, but it seems you're being sensible considering the imbalances already.

Well, intrigued by the 'more intimate things' you want to discuss for a start.

However, back to the matter at hand. We have discussed going to a sex club or swingers club before as I find it exciting, but I think I would want to be more involved than just watch. I think there is a lot of risks, if your partner appears to enjoy it more than with you for example, and how that may make you feel.

I can understand the appeal of the fantasy, absolutely. However, I do then think through the potential aftermath etc.. and how it could turn sour.

I also get the idea of appearing to be 'fair'. But often fantasies don't, I believe, have to be reciprocated. Perhaps there's something else you'd like to try instead?

I think it is certainly wiser to do wit with a stranger, than with someone you know.

I think as long as you both agree on what might happen, then it does not have to be reciprocal, even if you are not sure if its "fair". You could enjoy MMF without it necessarily something that is returned as a favour. you could both just enjoy it for what it is.

hahaha @Confused118 and @LR42 we have carefully dipped our toes into the 'Hot wife' thing. He likes take photo's and short videos and sharing them with in groups that are designed for men to share pics - all with my consent - never nude, never face showing just sexy shots if that make sense. We both LOVE doing this - he love's the attention and comments I get and I feel quite powerful and sexy doing it. with two people it progressed to a live video (after building trust) of me stripping to my underwear whilst chatting/teasing. Then we turn the camera off and have a great time in bed.... this is as far as we have gone...

To be frank - I am really really up for the idea of going further. However as I said in my pp I am worried that I dont want him to do the same. We have discussed it and he said he is fine with it and his bigger fantasy is to watch and join in with me and another man.... I just worry he wants this so much but then down the line he might resent my unwillingness for him to have the same with another woman... that is where I get worried that I appear 'selfish' or that he resents me but I dont know how we would know that now.

thank you this is really helpful to hear and its a difficult topic for me to discuss with anyone IRL so was scanning MN for some advice from others

@LR42 thank you for your thoughts on 'fairness' in this fantasy situation - I think its useful to hear others perspectives.

I keep reminding myself that he does want this... it is definitely his main fantasy rather than it being in a long list and its the only one I would be willing to do.

If it is his main fantasy, then in my view, you don't have to reciprocate anything, as you are doing something for his (and your) enjoyment.

In my relationships, I don't give to receive, I give because I love doing it.

If this is working for both of you, then keep it there, and enjoy it without the thought that it has to move on or evolve.

Well I don't know what your hubby's point of view is but i think you doing this will be as rewarding for him as for you - I wouldn't think of it as something just you are enjoying

My partner is in her early 60s and whilst I would like her to have someone else, I sometimes think it would be a step too far. She chats to men online via dating apps or WhatsApp about sex etc, with my agreement and we use that as part of foreplay, during sex. It's fun and has enhanced our sex life. She is happy doing that and hasn't intimated any desire to meet any of them. Whilst I would love her to, I wonder if it would be opening Pandora's Box.

So, you can't simply say 'we wouldn't do it'.

You have to say 'no one should do it.'

As it happens, we have no interest in doing it either, but I don't think that gives me the right to be sniffy about people that do.

Any other ways of being you'd like to proscribe, now you've started?