What is a pervert?

[FordAnglia]

I seem to recall two or three times in this bit of the board where folks have cruised by and used the word pervert, but when I have politely asked for a definition of the term/asked what they mean, the question has always been swerved. I have even been advised to google it, which to my mind seems dubious if not avoidant advice.

The term seems to be tossed around a fair bit, though usually I let it pass.

So what do the good folks of the sex board define the term as?

This is also an opportunity of course for those folks who have avoided questions to have their say and educate us.

Perhaps they are. I prefer to report quietly, as I said some people like it if you tell them off.

Some of the posts I’ve seen have been there for ages, as soon as I report, they are deleted swiftly. Other posters have said this too. That says to me that they haven’t previously been reported by those who have seen it/engaged/are regulars and spend more time here than me. It happens a lot. I don’t believe a lot of the regulars report and they often say they prefer to give posters the benefit of the doubt.

I've reported and it's stayed for ages. Eg. the one about children overhearing sex amongst others

I do not believe most regulars are reporting. They engage with problematic threads. When I’ve reported, they are deleted very quickly, especially the ones regarding children. As I’ve already said, lots of the regular posters openly say they prefer to give posters the benefit of the doubt. Done have said they don’t like reporting and believe all posts should stand. 🙄 In previous discussions about this board, they’ve defended some of the obviously inappropriate and deleted threads. Believe what you like, I see it for what it is. It happens over and over.

Also, some regular posters have laughed about not needing to invite PMs because if you post here, you’ll get them anyway. But yeah, most people are reporting pervs and inappropriate posts/behaviour, I don’t think so!

I didn't see the post described just now. If I read something gross I do report without engaging, although tbh there are a lot of threads I don't read.

I didn't see the post described just now. If I read something gross I do report without engaging, although tbh there are a lot of threads I don't read.

@Catullus5 Talking about a comment being the most appalling thing you’ve read here doesn’t mean much then when there’s so much you apparently don’t read. 🙄 I read most posts on this board and there are worse things posted here regularly. Much, much worse!

I’m sure it was you that said if there’s things you don’t like on this board that you don’t see it as any of your responsibility to stop it, or something like that. If so, it seems unlikely you’re reporting. 🤔

@FriedOkra you’re casting aspersions.

@Mermaidparades Saying what I’ve seen.

I've had the same experience as @FriedOkra, more than once. I've read threads where clearly problematic posts have stood for at least a couple of days by the time I read the thread; I report and it's deleted within a couple of hours at most. Coincidence? Possible, but unlikely. I'm to believe my report just happened to be the straw that broke MNHQ's back after a slew of earlier reports by the same regulars laughing and flirting with each other later on the thread? Vanishingly unlikely.

If the regulars here want to be left alone to share their fantasies with each other, then they need to demonstrate that they're shit-hot at self-policing anything that oversteps the mark. And every time this topic comes up, there are people saying what I and @FriedOkra have said this time: the evidence is that the regulars don't report, and take exception to "interlopers" (cliquey much?) pointing out this uncomfortable fact.

If the regulars here want to be left alone to share their fantasies with each other, then they need to demonstrate that they're shit-hot at self-policing anything that oversteps the mark

It's a shame that this is still happening on this board, isn't it? People have been saying this for ages. There's always a promise that the regulars on here will report anything dodgy themselves, but they clearly don't.

It’s interesting that you bring up the cliquey element of this Board. The regulars have been divided roughly into two, around the time of the Sex Chat debacle. Those who agreed that Mumsnet should decide what to allow on their site were dubbed ‘Sex People’.

Personally, I have found the Sex People (SP)to be open minded and supportive when offering advice to posters’ queries. I guess people expect to talk about sexual experiences, toys and advice on a Sex Board. But others accuse the SP of over sharing and being a perv 🤷🏻‍♀️

'If the regulars here want to be left alone to share their fantasies with each other, then they need to demonstrate that they're shit-hot at self-policing anything that oversteps the mark.'

How patronising. Come on regulars do as you're told!

I don't think anyone has suggested they be left alone to share their fantasies, rather whether you like it or not sex is an everyday part of most people's lives and with everything in life some people experience problems where they want advice.

They should be allowed to do so without a couple of over invested folk telling them off.

Yes report anything you like , but do leave the sneery 'if they want to share their fantasies' sniffy comments out of if. Your post perfectly demonstrates the judgemental tone that is totally unnecessary. Well done.

But others accuse the SP of over sharing and being a perv

No, Mermaid.

Others accuse some of the people who post on this board (NOT the regular posters) of being perverts - and the regular posters are not reporting the perverts. That's actually the point of this thread, ironically.

If people want to talk about sex toys - fine. It doesn't bother me. I have also seen threads where people ask for and receive advice about various sex-related issues - again, fine.

It's the perverted posters, not the regular ones, who write the problematic posts.

But unfortunately, it's the regular posters who are often failing to report the perverted posts.

When a pervert starts a thread about children's school uniforms elsewhere on MN, they are invariably reported very quickly, and the thread gets deleted and the OP gets banned. It still seems to be a great problem on the Sex Topic, however, because this doesn't always happen. Posts by perverts seem to be left to stand until someone else (like me, for example) comes along and reads the posts and reports them.

Personally, I have found the Sex People (SP) to be open minded and supportive when offering advice to posters’ queries

I agree with this. I look at this board every couple of days and there are a great many very supportive threads, offering excellent advice.

I think Mumsnet have made clear that they would prefer that accusations weren’t made at all. Just report the post in question. Less likelihood of innocent people being hurt in the process.

Just report the post in question.

Tell that to the regular posters/your friends.

Just report the post in question

Oh, I do.

I just don't think that the regular posters here bother.

Less likelihood of innocent people being hurt in the process

Not quite sure what you mean by "innocent peopIe" because I always report suspect posts, so how can anybody who is innocent be hurt - it's up to MNHQ to decide whether or not to delete posts, isn't it. Not me.

Actually, FriedOkra is simply saying what they've seen. That is not the same as casting aspersions.

I always report posts that feel off to me, regardless of the board. I never ever say I've reported them. I thought that was what we were supposed to do?

I'm not on here a lot, and I'm even less on this board - but I do report problematic posts I see here, same as I would anywhere else?

Those who agreed that Mumsnet should decide what to allow on their site were dubbed ‘Sex People’.

Everyone agrees that MN decide what's allowed- we just have 2 or more sides that disagree about what they should decide. And it's ok to disagree with their decisions.

Only mn will know how many/who reports suspect posts.
Idk why they have sometimes ignored me. Perhaps I'm not regular enough, not enough of a sex person, or too much of one....?
I don't Police here, but when something is wrong, I report.

She has accused me (not straightforwardly but by innuendo) of lying. I'm not going to get into a tangle about that, but it definitely is casting aspersions.

@Catullus5 No, I’m saying what I read. Here you go, a quick search of the wording I remembered found it. Back in February, on a thread in the sex topic, you wrote:

‘I don't like some of the content on this board but I don't see that it's my business to comment on it or try to stop it.’

Not casting aspersions, they are your words. This doesn’t sound like someone who reports posts to me. I’d never write that because I do I think we should all try to stop it, by reporting. I want mumsnet to be safe for women to use.

Those getting upset over being named ‘sex people’, did you see what some of the regular posters here called and said about the people who had an issue with the sex chat thread and perverted posts?