To become a 'sex worker'?

[HazelnutAfterDark]

I know it is not AIBU here but I daren't post there (and name changed obvs)

Let me explain:

I have been single and no sex for about 4 years now. This is by choice. I've had a terrible heartbreak when I having a fling with a guy I was highly interested in and he showed the same level of interest back...until he didn't anymore...and out of the blue, with little explanation, we were done. He tried to come back, but I couldn't trust.

This left me scarred, maybe because how the break up happened - he literally changed gears without warning or red flags - and also how I perceived all the good moments to have been fake. But overall it was pretty awesome while it lasted.

Since then I have never met anyone comparable or that I could be attracted to and I tried everything. I took a break from OLD and stopped caring about meeting men casually and naturally.

Thing is: I love sex and I am good at it. But I don't like to masturbate, it isn't the same as enjoying another body, but I do it from time to time. I climax easily but it is underwhelming.

I'm heterosexual and always preferred monogamy too. I have no curiosity about anything else but... there is something that has been part of my fantasies since a very young age which is... to get paid (either cash or gifts) in exchange of sex. It turns me on for some reason. And I acted upon it only once when I was very young, with a guy slightly older than me, who were fascinated by me - he knew exactly what the T&Cs were and this was his only chance to have sex with me - he gave me money to buy a pair of shoes I wanted - telling him what I wanted and how much it cost, was part of the whole fantasy for me. I felt pretty awesome and don't regret a tiny bit but never did it again.

Later on I had a situationship with a guy who would take me to restaurants, hotels, little trips and give me lots of gifts. I liked it but the things he gave me were not my choice so it wasn't very exciting. I kept going because I liked sex with him and he was attractive / interesting.

At the moment, I would not be able to entertain a relationship or a partner - I'm working hard, studying hard and facing some challenges with my child (their health) - so ideally I want to have casual encounters, drama free and fun only when I can, when I need and when I want...and I am thinking, why not throw my kink and fantasies in the mix? Obviously I will have a choice to choose the men i'm willing to play with, whereas a real sex worker might not have that luxury.

It is also because I want to have real sex rather than masturbate only, but the causal ONS with random men will not satisfy me or be "worth it" in my mind at the moment.

I believe sex if healthy for the body and the mind and will open me up, even maybe to try real romance in the future.

For the record, I'm financially fine and support myself with normal work. This would be more for the excitement rather than money. Especially since I have not been able to get excited or interested in men via the normal 'route.'
I have been married twice and both times for the right reasons. The first divorce left me with only with half of our joint savings and the second divorce with absolutely nothing. First guy was on my financial level and second guy below my financial level, so I did not marry for money and I never would. I'm not a gold digger.

Don't be nasty please. I understand this idea will not be okay or match some people's values. And I don't know what my question is, maybe just curious to see ion someone 'gets' it, or has similar inclination, or is doing it?

I haven’t read the whole thread (just skimmed through), I totally get where you are coming from OP but I don’t see why you need to be a sex worker to get sex. It’s pretty easy to find people to have sex with, he’s there’s always some kind of risk when meeting strangers but you know this.
I have been single on and off for 7 years, I didn’t really want a relationship and I had dc with SEN’s, so I turned to OLD apps, it’s pretty easy to get what I want/need without having to be a sex worker.

Those saying ‘swinging isn’t common’ I am not so sure, I know many people who do it, they just don’t tell everyone, it’s probably more common than you think.

I work in a department of 20 people. Three of us definitely partner swap/visit sex clubs. That's just the ones I know as we are fairly open in our conversation with each other. Another used to work in a sex club, never asked if they visited in their free time. We are all highly qualified professionals. It's not that unusual in our circles.

@HazelnutAfterDark please don’t! you sound very naive! sex work isn’t about you getting to have sex on your terms and getting paid. Thats not what happens in the real world!
It’s very dangerous and the type of characters that would even do that type of thing, would you really want them touching your body?
i’m not sure if i missed something but just Go on tinder and find someone to sleep with on there like everyone else?

I'm not sure why you think Tinder has a better quality of man on it! Sorry to tell you, but a fair few of them probably also pay for sex, and a number of women are sexually assaulted by men they first met on tinder.

@ArcticSkewer if you’re looking for a husband you wouldn’t go to tinder but if you’re looking for causal sex (i’m not!) that’s where i’d try. I’m married though and we’ve been together 7 years so I admit i’m probably not that well informed on dating sites these days.

Yes but you seem to think the quality of men paying for sex is worse than the quality of men looking for casual sex on Tinder.

I'd say that's a stretch.

At least this way op gets a bit of cash. Tinder is a cesspit

The OP sounds like an "erotica writing evening class assignment" or the fantasy of an autogynephile.

The OP is a sex worker as she exchanged cash for sex at least once. The question should be should I work as a sex worker in a more permanent fashion?

I think you're being very naive.

OP this website might give you some insight

saafe.info/main/index.php

@holierthanthou73
Visit sex/swinger clubs

"for some reason, this gives me the ewwww"

THIS gives you the ewww?!?! @HazelnutAfterDark 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️

I am inclined to be on your side of this 'discussion'. Most here don't accept your viewpoint.
I know two women who expected to have sex with a man who took them to nice places and paid for all.
One went on holiday with her man. I think they met on a dating site.
Other had several days out at the races, we saw them so often. I thought they were a 'genuine' couple IYSWIN, didn't realise it was an arrangement.
It seems to me that you are only doing the same as those two. Maybe you add an edge of your own. Good Luck

I know two women who expected to have sex with a man who took them to nice places and paid for all.

I'm like this. Being treated is like foreplay for me. But isn't this just old fashioned courting etiquette? What's it got to do with sex work?

I guess because being paid is like foreplay for the op. You are paid in 'treats', she wants hers in cash.

At risk of derailing OP's thread, I just want to object to the idea that being treated to meals, holidays, gifts, etc is sex work. This was normative heterosexuality until a few decades ago. It's the equivalent of a caveman bringing his woman a mammoth steak and there's nothing wrong with it!

There's nothing wrong with asking for cash in that case either. Or is it more decorous to ask for a gift receipt so you can turn the gifts back into cash?

I don't ask for anything. I'm simply attracted to well-resourced, generous men who enjoy providing.

LoL. You are a sex worker. Embrace it.

Well no, I’m sure lots of other prostitutes don’t “ask” for their cash… both parties understand the financial - sexual transaction.

As pp said; you’re a sex worker just own it.

It's not sex work because there are no 'Terms & Conditions' such as those OP alluded to in her first post. I have sex when I want to, and when I'm ready.

I'm not surprised that OP is disillusioned with OLD. It seems that a first date at Starbucks where you go 50/50 for a £3 cup of coffee has become the norm, as has the expectation that women will put out sometime around the third date. It doesn't exactly make us feel special, and it sets a very low bar for men.

I used to be eager to show men how low-maintenance and unsuperficial I am, but then I met someone who was very wealthy and loved to treat me. It turned me on so much and the sex was the best I'd ever had. Initially I was dismayed to discover this shallow aspect to my sexuality, but then I embraced it, reasoning that it's no different to a man who is turned on by big breasts or a 0.7 hip/waist ratio. It's not exactly the most noble thing, but it comes from an animal, primitive need that's hardwired and, ultimately, nothing to be ashamed of.

Postnote: it's interesting that on this board you can discuss all manner of kinks, but when a woman says she wants a man to buy her dinner and flowers, she's jumped on and branded with stigmatizing labels.

You are the one doing the stigmatising. We aren't stigmatising sex workers. Plenty of women exchange sex for money/gifts/meals out/cars/jewellery. It's an age old story. Some are more upfront about just wanting the cash.
You get turned on by being given gifts. Op gets turned on by being given cash. You are both describing the same thing really, imo.

Neither of you seems to be doing it out of necessity, more for sexual kicks.

Without the treats the women would not go out with the men. We have all had BFs we went out with and liked and if he not much money we either paid for our own tickets, and say cheaper seats in theatre or split a restaurant bill.

@Dorisisfreezing are the men old, ugly, objectively unappealing then? If so, I agree that's quite distasteful. Imagine spending time with someone repugnant just to get a fancy meal.