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Original poster

To become a 'sex worker'?

228 replies

HazelnutAfterDark · 14/02/2023 17:18

I know it is not AIBU here but I daren't post there (and name changed obvs)

Let me explain:

I have been single and no sex for about 4 years now. This is by choice. I've had a terrible heartbreak when I having a fling with a guy I was highly interested in and he showed the same level of interest back...until he didn't anymore...and out of the blue, with little explanation, we were done. He tried to come back, but I couldn't trust.

This left me scarred, maybe because how the break up happened - he literally changed gears without warning or red flags - and also how I perceived all the good moments to have been fake. But overall it was pretty awesome while it lasted.

Since then I have never met anyone comparable or that I could be attracted to and I tried everything. I took a break from OLD and stopped caring about meeting men casually and naturally.

Thing is: I love sex and I am good at it. But I don't like to masturbate, it isn't the same as enjoying another body, but I do it from time to time. I climax easily but it is underwhelming.

I'm heterosexual and always preferred monogamy too. I have no curiosity about anything else but... there is something that has been part of my fantasies since a very young age which is... to get paid (either cash or gifts) in exchange of sex. It turns me on for some reason. And I acted upon it only once when I was very young, with a guy slightly older than me, who were fascinated by me - he knew exactly what the T&Cs were and this was his only chance to have sex with me - he gave me money to buy a pair of shoes I wanted - telling him what I wanted and how much it cost, was part of the whole fantasy for me. I felt pretty awesome and don't regret a tiny bit but never did it again.

Later on I had a situationship with a guy who would take me to restaurants, hotels, little trips and give me lots of gifts. I liked it but the things he gave me were not my choice so it wasn't very exciting. I kept going because I liked sex with him and he was attractive / interesting.

At the moment, I would not be able to entertain a relationship or a partner - I'm working hard, studying hard and facing some challenges with my child (their health) - so ideally I want to have casual encounters, drama free and fun only when I can, when I need and when I want...and I am thinking, why not throw my kink and fantasies in the mix? Obviously I will have a choice to choose the men i'm willing to play with, whereas a real sex worker might not have that luxury.

It is also because I want to have real sex rather than masturbate only, but the causal ONS with random men will not satisfy me or be "worth it" in my mind at the moment.

I believe sex if healthy for the body and the mind and will open me up, even maybe to try real romance in the future.

For the record, I'm financially fine and support myself with normal work. This would be more for the excitement rather than money. Especially since I have not been able to get excited or interested in men via the normal 'route.'
I have been married twice and both times for the right reasons. The first divorce left me with only with half of our joint savings and the second divorce with absolutely nothing. First guy was on my financial level and second guy below my financial level, so I did not marry for money and I never would. I'm not a gold digger.

Don't be nasty please. I understand this idea will not be okay or match some people's values. And I don't know what my question is, maybe just curious to see ion someone 'gets' it, or has similar inclination, or is doing it?

OP posts:
JoonT · 14/02/2023 17:42

Dacadactyl · 14/02/2023 17:28

This is a bad idea. Men who visit sex workers are not good people. Why put yourself in a potentially risky situation? It makes no sense and you have a child to think about.

Many sex workers I have seen interviewed say they like their clients, and that the idea they're all ugly and dirty and weird is a myth. The majority just want sex without the hassle of dating. Often, they have a high pressure career and can't handle the emotional upheval of a relationship. Some are raising kids and don't have time to date, or don't want to disturb their kid's lives with a new 'mum'. Others are caring for a sick or disabled partner. Morally, it's better than leading a woman on, having sex, and then dumping her.

I'm sure you're right that some – probably quite a lot – are unpleasant, but so are lots of men you'll meet on dating apps.

namechange1487 · 14/02/2023 17:42

Glad you've worked out your conclusion OP. You'd get shit sex by shit men

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 17:42

HazelnutAfterDark · 14/02/2023 17:41

100%

Case settled

Show quote history

Does that mean you’ve decided against it?

discobrain · 14/02/2023 17:43

MN is notoriously anti sexwork so I'm not at all surprised at the replies here.

Twentywisteria · 14/02/2023 17:43

Have a look on one of the punters websites and read the reviews men write about prostitutes. The ratings they give for each sex act. The comments on whether she was enthusiastic enough.

Guarantee you'll forget the idea.

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 17:45

discobrain · 14/02/2023 17:43

MN is notoriously anti sexwork so I'm not at all surprised at the replies here.

Being anti sex work is not a MN thing alone, it’s just a general thing. For very obvious and sensible reasons.

xJoy · 14/02/2023 17:45

How would you over ride the revulsion?

Unless you are addicted to crack, just how could you. Picture it. Really realy visualise it. Eugh

JustGraduated · 14/02/2023 17:46

I had something similar to what your describing whilst in university (with an older guy not another student).

I met him on a night out & we got talking. It started out as a bit of a joke with him saying he’d love a “sugar baby”. We ended up talking about it all night and it got a bit more as I got more interested in him.

We went on a few dates in public places first but eventually moved on to FWB.

It is definitely not something for everyone and I’d never encourage anyone to do it if they had any doubts but this guy was really nice and I felt I could trust him entirely.

As part of the relationship he would regularly take me for food, get me gifts buy me things if there was something I wanted.

Like I say not for everyone, but hope this helps.

Twentywisteria · 14/02/2023 17:46

JustGraduated · 14/02/2023 17:46

I had something similar to what your describing whilst in university (with an older guy not another student).

I met him on a night out & we got talking. It started out as a bit of a joke with him saying he’d love a “sugar baby”. We ended up talking about it all night and it got a bit more as I got more interested in him.

We went on a few dates in public places first but eventually moved on to FWB.

It is definitely not something for everyone and I’d never encourage anyone to do it if they had any doubts but this guy was really nice and I felt I could trust him entirely.

As part of the relationship he would regularly take me for food, get me gifts buy me things if there was something I wanted.

Like I say not for everyone, but hope this helps.

That's a bit different by being a single mum(?) to a child with serious health problems.

holierthanthou73 · 14/02/2023 17:50

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 17:41

You can’t really suggest that only a few of them are bad either. The good ones, will be rare and very hard to find, not necessarily be into OPs arrangement of doing things either.

Show quote history

As an ex SW I probably have a good idea !

holierthanthou73 · 14/02/2023 17:52

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 17:45

Being anti sex work is not a MN thing alone, it’s just a general thing. For very obvious and sensible reasons.

Show quote history

What are the obvious and sensible reasons you speak of? Clearly you are very anti-

Original poster
HazelnutAfterDark · 14/02/2023 17:53

xJoy · 14/02/2023 17:45

How would you over ride the revulsion?

Unless you are addicted to crack, just how could you. Picture it. Really realy visualise it. Eugh

By choosing the man rather then going with anyone?

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 17:55

holierthanthou73 · 14/02/2023 17:52

What are the obvious and sensible reasons you speak of? Clearly you are very anti-

Show quote history

If you aren’t smart enough to work out the risks yourself me explaining won’t help.

Christmaspyjamas · 14/02/2023 17:56

You want a sugar daddy. I'm sure there are sites for that.

holierthanthou73 · 14/02/2023 17:56

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 17:55

If you aren’t smart enough to work out the risks yourself me explaining won’t help.

Show quote history

No go on, you clearly have lots of experience in the matter lol

Original poster
HazelnutAfterDark · 14/02/2023 17:57

Eyerollcentral · 14/02/2023 17:39

Delusional. With all due respect you’ve already been divorced twice, have a child with health issues and don’t need the money. You need to examine what gives you a thrill about being paid for sex. Oh and focus on your child.

Because people can’t have kinks or a sex life or a prescribed FWB situation if they were divorced and / or have a child with heath issues…

I can focus on my child, work, study and have fun on the side when it suits me - there is enough time for it all

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 14/02/2023 18:01

Of course they can. But you are indulging a fantasy of what is actually an extremely dangerous occupation when you have the care of a sick child. From the little evidence you have provided sorry but it doesn’t seem like you have the greatest track record of making healthy decisions (sex for shoes?). You’d be far better suited to try and unwrap why you have such a warped view of intimacy and go from there.

Dacadactyl · 14/02/2023 18:01

holierthanthou73 · 14/02/2023 17:40

I have to disagree with you there!
yes granted, there are a few unsavoury characters, you can’t say they’re all bad people

Show quote history

We will have to agree to disagree. I wouldn't want to give the time of day to a man who paid for sex, let alone my body. It speaks volumes about him.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 14/02/2023 18:02

I think you have a very rosy view on sex work.

Not entirely sure how this will go for you but I wish you the best.

Twentywisteria · 14/02/2023 18:02

HazelnutAfterDark · 14/02/2023 17:57

Because people can’t have kinks or a sex life or a prescribed FWB situation if they were divorced and / or have a child with heath issues…

I can focus on my child, work, study and have fun on the side when it suits me - there is enough time for it all

Show quote history

There's nothing wrong with kinks and having sex as a parent. But being divorced twice maybe means your judgement about people isn't the best, yet you're wanting to accept payment for sex, which is an incredibly murky world especially since the extension of it onto the internet. It would be like suddenly getting into BDSM by inviting a strange man to your house to beat you up. You need to have a sensible head and know what the risks are.

Your whole post reads as incredibly naive.

holierthanthou73 · 14/02/2023 18:03

Dacadactyl · 14/02/2023 18:01

We will have to agree to disagree. I wouldn't want to give the time of day to a man who paid for sex, let alone my body. It speaks volumes about him.

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Like you say, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that

Original poster
HazelnutAfterDark · 14/02/2023 18:03

Eyerollcentral · 14/02/2023 18:01

Of course they can. But you are indulging a fantasy of what is actually an extremely dangerous occupation when you have the care of a sick child. From the little evidence you have provided sorry but it doesn’t seem like you have the greatest track record of making healthy decisions (sex for shoes?). You’d be far better suited to try and unwrap why you have such a warped view of intimacy and go from there.

I respect your views and values, but please don’t impose them on me nor use my sharings of my personal life against me - thanks

OP posts:
holierthanthou73 · 14/02/2023 18:05

Twentywisteria · 14/02/2023 18:02

There's nothing wrong with kinks and having sex as a parent. But being divorced twice maybe means your judgement about people isn't the best, yet you're wanting to accept payment for sex, which is an incredibly murky world especially since the extension of it onto the internet. It would be like suddenly getting into BDSM by inviting a strange man to your house to beat you up. You need to have a sensible head and know what the risks are.

Your whole post reads as incredibly naive.

Show quote history

Have to say your post reads
Incredibly naive also, especially your description of BDSM, you clearly have no idea it’s certainly not about being beaten up.

Eyerollcentral · 14/02/2023 18:07

HazelnutAfterDark · 14/02/2023 18:03

I respect your views and values, but please don’t impose them on me nor use my sharings of my personal life against me - thanks

Show quote history

I’m not using it against you. You are posting on here for opinions. It’s a genuinely terrible idea. You do have a sick child to think of. You should be trying to develop healthy relationships. Your child sees what you are doing. They have already lived through one or two divorces, maybe the child was born after your divorces, but that’s already a lot for an ill child to go through. You are indulging in escapism. The fantasy is what arouses you. You may find the reality deeply unsatisfying. You seem to have a problem with intimacy because you are still heart broken after a man ended a relationship with you 4 years ago. Now you are planning on heaping more complications and unhappiness on top. You sound like you have really low esteem. Fix that.

Fleabigg · 14/02/2023 18:07

Why would a man good looking / with a semi decent enough personality to want to have sex with be a man who pays for sex workers vs just getting no strings sex without paying?

It sounds deeply unrealistic to me.

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