To become a 'sex worker'?

[HazelnutAfterDark]

I know it is not AIBU here but I daren't post there (and name changed obvs)

Let me explain:

I have been single and no sex for about 4 years now. This is by choice. I've had a terrible heartbreak when I having a fling with a guy I was highly interested in and he showed the same level of interest back...until he didn't anymore...and out of the blue, with little explanation, we were done. He tried to come back, but I couldn't trust.

This left me scarred, maybe because how the break up happened - he literally changed gears without warning or red flags - and also how I perceived all the good moments to have been fake. But overall it was pretty awesome while it lasted.

Since then I have never met anyone comparable or that I could be attracted to and I tried everything. I took a break from OLD and stopped caring about meeting men casually and naturally.

Thing is: I love sex and I am good at it. But I don't like to masturbate, it isn't the same as enjoying another body, but I do it from time to time. I climax easily but it is underwhelming.

I'm heterosexual and always preferred monogamy too. I have no curiosity about anything else but... there is something that has been part of my fantasies since a very young age which is... to get paid (either cash or gifts) in exchange of sex. It turns me on for some reason. And I acted upon it only once when I was very young, with a guy slightly older than me, who were fascinated by me - he knew exactly what the T&Cs were and this was his only chance to have sex with me - he gave me money to buy a pair of shoes I wanted - telling him what I wanted and how much it cost, was part of the whole fantasy for me. I felt pretty awesome and don't regret a tiny bit but never did it again.

Later on I had a situationship with a guy who would take me to restaurants, hotels, little trips and give me lots of gifts. I liked it but the things he gave me were not my choice so it wasn't very exciting. I kept going because I liked sex with him and he was attractive / interesting.

At the moment, I would not be able to entertain a relationship or a partner - I'm working hard, studying hard and facing some challenges with my child (their health) - so ideally I want to have casual encounters, drama free and fun only when I can, when I need and when I want...and I am thinking, why not throw my kink and fantasies in the mix? Obviously I will have a choice to choose the men i'm willing to play with, whereas a real sex worker might not have that luxury.

It is also because I want to have real sex rather than masturbate only, but the causal ONS with random men will not satisfy me or be "worth it" in my mind at the moment.

I believe sex if healthy for the body and the mind and will open me up, even maybe to try real romance in the future.

For the record, I'm financially fine and support myself with normal work. This would be more for the excitement rather than money. Especially since I have not been able to get excited or interested in men via the normal 'route.'
I have been married twice and both times for the right reasons. The first divorce left me with only with half of our joint savings and the second divorce with absolutely nothing. First guy was on my financial level and second guy below my financial level, so I did not marry for money and I never would. I'm not a gold digger.

Don't be nasty please. I understand this idea will not be okay or match some people's values. And I don't know what my question is, maybe just curious to see ion someone 'gets' it, or has similar inclination, or is doing it?

And there are plenty of women on there who choose to work independently

Ïve never tried it or even looked at it but you could try the website "seeking arranements" I've heard positive things in so much as people meet a man with whom the come to an arrangement whereby they receive a pre determined amount of cash, or gifts, as you describe in return, sometimes for company,but obviously usually for sex on a set number of occasions/ time table etc. I believe you can find out all about the person in advance so it would enable you to know something about them, it's a long term financial- sexual relationship rather than one offs so would Provide the 'kink' you want with a little bit more control over the security (if there's ever any.). I wouldn't want it personally, but it's not my bag. Each to their own.

I know you might not come back but my thought (taking any risk aspect out of it) what if the sex is shit? I feel like you've got no power to change it if he's paid you, you'll just have to tolerate it and stopping mid way cos it's shit then puts you in a risky situation. And there is no way you can vet for that. I've worked with women who experienced domestic violence, youd never have been able to vet that these men could be horrific to women behind closed doors. Honestly I just don't think it's worth the risk. I think your kink is actually really normal but the reality just isn't safe enough.

I think the issue here is you see being paid for sex as a kink that you want to explore.

Punters who pay for sex aren't doing it as a kink, they're doing it because they believe they are entitled to a woman's body.

This mismatch makes what you're thinking about a really risky proposition.

Isn't this just what people do with tinder? Or is part of it you want to be paid?

What kind of things do you want to be paid with?

Cash would be tricky, how would I fix a price?

Ideally I would have lists on Amazon or other places and they would buy and send to my (hidden on the website) address. Of course a great deal of trust needed. Wouldn’t mind if they slipped an envelope with cash in my handbag on top of it.

I guess what I want exactly is nearly impossible to find because I will need to be attracted to the man and like his personality too.

For example - some time ago, I went on a date with an apparently very wealthy guy that I met on a regular online dating app. I gathered he was wealthy by his clothes, watch, car - I saw his car - lifestyle, job etc etc - the date was to go on a walk, we ended up at an expensive restaurant.
By the end of the date, he told me if we kept seen each other and things progressed, when we got to the point of spending the night together, he would love to pay for any lingerie and accessories of my liking if I wanted to…he said I would just need to send him a link and he would make sure it would be deliverd at the place of my choice…

I didn’t see him again because it turned out he was ‘separating’ and his partner still living in his home - at the time I had extremely strong views on that and also didn’t want any drama -
I guess if I decided to keep seeing him, the gifts would have evolved.

It is concerning that you saw a married man trying to buy you with gifts of lingerie as a potential business opportunity rather than a massive red flag.

That sounds like lovebombing and manipulation, not a no-strings sugar baby scenario (there are always tons of strings).

Of course, you don't say to a client- send a picture, I'm not sure I want you to give me £200 an hour unless you are my type. Yes you have your boundaries inside the room but who is behind that door you have very limited choice over I.e if they aren't hygienic.

Also you arent going to get your needs meet, you are meeting their needs.

Your update - that's really easy to find and is basically dating for a lot of women! If that really ticks your kink box you can find that on standard dating websites, as you have already discovered

Did you read what I wrote?

Did I proceed? Did I mention a business deal? It wouldn’t be sugar baby scenario, we were the same age group - I met him on a regular online dating app, didn’t even know he was not single until he told me. And the conversation about the lingerie happened naturally and he initiated.

Some people here will twist anything we say to fit their own ideas about the topic rather than read, understand, keep with facts. It is tiring.

With the caviat that the majority of the men are attractive to me phisically - and genuinely single, that is why I gave up regular dating

Also willing to or able to spend money…the ammount of men who won’t even pay for a coffee and cake if not 50/50 is astonishing

And there are the ones who will pay for everything but get super attached, clingy etc etc

I guess it is like any other relationship in the sense that to find a perfect match, one have to be very lucky and in the right place at the right time

Stupid thread
If it is meant to happen, it will

So does it matter to you if they are single ? obviously a lot of men paying for sex are married! If you don't mind, try IE. Plenty there who would like the girlfriend experience and pay for lingerie, holidays etc

I worked for the criminal justice system and a lot of men who pay for sex also enjoy hurting and humiliating women. It would be a definite no from me, too high risk. They think because they are paying for it they can do what they want, that's if you even end up getting paid.

Before it did, but then I was actually lookng for a partner and a seriously relationship

I think now a days I would be more open minded providing he is not an absolute a•hole, or has the wife’s consent etc

Also if the family is not been deprived of resources because he is spending on me

I’m looking at Ashley Madson will try IE than.

Wow, holidays? Only without them lol

God don't waste your time on AM.
IE is where the rich ones are, as that's what you are looking for...

What's IE?

It's a website used mainly but not exclusively by married people looking for extracurricular relationships. Like Ashley Madison but £££ for membership

Ah I see, probably why I haven't heard of it in my circle (AW/Fab/KK) thanks

Fair play to you, I couldn't be arsed.

Welcome.

There's actually a fair few people from fab and fet on there as well. The men have to pay but it's a better quality membership on both sides.

I agree that if they are paying you for sex, unlikely to care about your enjoyment in the same way a good sexual partner would. I’d stay away from this world and find yourself a FWB instead

Last night when I went to bed I could’t help but think about this thread and due to all the work I have done on myself over the years (counselling, coaching, therapies, meditation) etc etc, yesterday I finally got to the bottom of it and had a realisation as to why I have this kink. I won’t go in details but the good thing is: I’m not ashamed at all especially now that I can see it from a higher and more mature perspective.

Ah and to clear any confusion and for the people who suggested role playing: it is not about wearing sexy lingerie, make up, acting out a stereotyped versin of a S.W, being naughty…it is a very normal and even vanilla intimacy, where I’m just myself but the man is providing me with ‘treats’, ‘extras’ things that are not ‘needed’ for survival, a little bit like ‘spoiling’. Yet at the same time I lead a simple life and I’m not attached to material things, luxury etc.

Anyway, thanks to @ArcticSkewer for the IE suggestion. I’m now there and on AM and for the ladies lurking or looking for dating, I totally recommend. The men put a lot of effort and energy in their profiles and messages, are upfront with intentions and life situations. So different from regular OLD, if you have been on the apps for any lenght of time, you know what I mean. Another thing: there is no swipe left or right, the men will see your profile and contact you. You can blur your photo if you wish or use an avatar, and you can use password protection to let only people you choose to see photos of you. I’ve joined last night and I have so many messages, I’m a bit overwhelmed, as I’m super busy and not ready to meet anyone (settling in my new hair cut and treating my skin from allergy) but it’s so good to have intelligent and interesting men to talk to and connect with.

So in the end - sex work - was a really bad choice of word, what I’m after is a mature FWB situation with zero pressures and mutual respect + physical, mental, emotional attraction. If the man is generous, likes to take charge of the bill (not asking me to 50/50 at the restaurant) and likes giving little gifts here and there, which apparently some men love to, and thrive in doing so, then we are good to go.

”Everyone wants the same thing. To be happy and to feel loved”

So in the end - sex work - was a really bad choice of word, what I’m after is a mature FWB situation with zero pressures and mutual respect + physical, mental, emotional attraction.

With married men specifically, if you're on AM and IE.

Nice.

There are actually a fair few single /separated men (and women) on IE.

I am a big fan. As you say ... intelligent conversation, interesting people ... and not swiping or seeing photos straight away leads to better connection.