To become a 'sex worker'?

[HazelnutAfterDark]

I know it is not AIBU here but I daren't post there (and name changed obvs)

Let me explain:

I have been single and no sex for about 4 years now. This is by choice. I've had a terrible heartbreak when I having a fling with a guy I was highly interested in and he showed the same level of interest back...until he didn't anymore...and out of the blue, with little explanation, we were done. He tried to come back, but I couldn't trust.

This left me scarred, maybe because how the break up happened - he literally changed gears without warning or red flags - and also how I perceived all the good moments to have been fake. But overall it was pretty awesome while it lasted.

Since then I have never met anyone comparable or that I could be attracted to and I tried everything. I took a break from OLD and stopped caring about meeting men casually and naturally.

Thing is: I love sex and I am good at it. But I don't like to masturbate, it isn't the same as enjoying another body, but I do it from time to time. I climax easily but it is underwhelming.

I'm heterosexual and always preferred monogamy too. I have no curiosity about anything else but... there is something that has been part of my fantasies since a very young age which is... to get paid (either cash or gifts) in exchange of sex. It turns me on for some reason. And I acted upon it only once when I was very young, with a guy slightly older than me, who were fascinated by me - he knew exactly what the T&Cs were and this was his only chance to have sex with me - he gave me money to buy a pair of shoes I wanted - telling him what I wanted and how much it cost, was part of the whole fantasy for me. I felt pretty awesome and don't regret a tiny bit but never did it again.

Later on I had a situationship with a guy who would take me to restaurants, hotels, little trips and give me lots of gifts. I liked it but the things he gave me were not my choice so it wasn't very exciting. I kept going because I liked sex with him and he was attractive / interesting.

At the moment, I would not be able to entertain a relationship or a partner - I'm working hard, studying hard and facing some challenges with my child (their health) - so ideally I want to have casual encounters, drama free and fun only when I can, when I need and when I want...and I am thinking, why not throw my kink and fantasies in the mix? Obviously I will have a choice to choose the men i'm willing to play with, whereas a real sex worker might not have that luxury.

It is also because I want to have real sex rather than masturbate only, but the causal ONS with random men will not satisfy me or be "worth it" in my mind at the moment.

I believe sex if healthy for the body and the mind and will open me up, even maybe to try real romance in the future.

For the record, I'm financially fine and support myself with normal work. This would be more for the excitement rather than money. Especially since I have not been able to get excited or interested in men via the normal 'route.'
I have been married twice and both times for the right reasons. The first divorce left me with only with half of our joint savings and the second divorce with absolutely nothing. First guy was on my financial level and second guy below my financial level, so I did not marry for money and I never would. I'm not a gold digger.

Don't be nasty please. I understand this idea will not be okay or match some people's values. And I don't know what my question is, maybe just curious to see ion someone 'gets' it, or has similar inclination, or is doing it?

Please, it’s niche in terms of the general population and is most people’s ideas of a total nightmare. I’m not a prude and I have friends from all walks of life. It’s ludicrous to say swinging is common, it’s simply not. Not sure what having a professional career has to do with any of it 🤷‍♀️

Mental Health Tip:

If this clash with your values and is morally repugnant to you, hide the thread, stop engaging. Put your time and energy somewhere else.

I’ve got my answers, made my decisions. I’ve had some life experiences under my belt, I will be fine.

And I’m free. Nobody to answer to. Very happy to be where I am.

Doesn’t sound like it 🤷‍♀️

And I’m free. Nobody to answer to. Very happy to be where I am.

if that were remotely true you wouldn’t neither have posted nor replied as rudely to people who disagreed with you.

Oh so only unhappy people allowed to post lol

And I didn’t see myself being rude, definitely was never my intention (and no need to show me - save your time and energy) maybe is the perception of whoever is determined to impose their views on others?

It would be a totally mad idea. You will expose yourself to all kinds of weirdos, sex maniacs and violent types and disease. Unthinkable.

Personally I have gotten the idea that you are far from happy because you said you’ve already been divorced twice and can’t get over a break up that happened four years ago. You also said you don’t have time for a relationship because your child has health issues. It’s nothing to do with my views and everything to do with what you have said about your own life.

You’ll need those cheating men going down this route.

Your attitude will get you nowhere with genuine swingers.

Expand your world

Extremy happy I’m doverced twice - better than be in miserable marriages with the wrong partner

The break up was 4 years ago. Yes it hurt, of course. I remained single because I haven’t met anyone else, you can be happy and single did you know that?

You can even be happy when dealing with illness - yours or family. It does not mean you are happy for the ilness, but despit of it.

Your life is really black and white isn’t it?

And I bet everything is absolutely perfect for you 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Because it is impossible being happy without having perfection. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Absolutely not everything is perfect for me and I definitely do not see things in black and white generally. However, I can spot an unhappy person from ten miles away. Keep kidding yourself, it’s no skin off my nose 🤷‍♀️

@Eyerollcentral 🙄
Ok then

you are right and you know all the truths

you even know ppl more than they know themselves

Can’t you find someone to shag who you like and trust, and then tell him about your fantasy? If he earns an alright living he might not mind giving you gifts and cash! You can always pick up the bill on holidays or whatever … just being practical!

Not read all the answers but become a sugar baby. Sounds more suited to what you're looking for. Get gifts in exchange for sex.

No, but I do know when someone is kidding themselves. Good luck

I think this very much depends upon how you want to feel about the encounter. There's a huge difference between finding a sugar daddy (which is fairly easy online) or becoming a financial dominatrix. Both could get you sex and money/gifts but they're very different headspace.

You sound like you are superior, you know nothing about "the people in all walks of life" get up to behind close doors, therefore you are naive. I bought careers into it as you seem to look down your nose at people's life choices even though the majority of people i have had the pleasure of meeting have been professionals and intellectual with open minds. You have been overly judgemental with replies to OP.

There are many people attending swinging clubs and signed up to events/meets/forums. The swinging world is quite a big community and not a niche. Maybe you should explore it sometime 😆

Amen 😂🙌

I'm officially going to stop replying to Mrs know it all because you can't educate close minded people who know the whole population and their thoughts and private lives. I hope you find what you are looking for OP and have lots of fun!

I’m neither superior nor naive. It’s a simple fact that in terms of the population swinging is pretty niche. Robot wars is probably more popular. Not sure why you find that such an affront tbh.

Lol! You guys crack me up.

It’s a bigger community than many realise but no idea why you are saying it’s not niche when it really is.

It’s a tiny percentage of the population still. Even when you include the influx of bored folks during lockdown.

fantasies are normally positive things for those that have them, but I can’t imagine taking this into a job would not give you your share of some bad experiences too. If it’s a fantasy you want to carry out, I do think you’ll be disappointed.

Its not for a sex worker to know or care about the marital status of a punter, but to actively seek out married men on sites set up for cheating and encourage just doesn’t sit right with me either. You can have standards doing sex work - but this is a poor start, wading in on deceitful and potentially abusive men who give no fucks about women.

like the others have said, swingers sites, adult friend finder etc certainly seem to fit the bill.

OP,

It is possible to do sex work on your terms but it's hard and isolating. Contrary to what some have said, it is possible to avoid being reviewed, but that means avoiding seeing hobbyists. I would also advise avoiding such platforms such as Adultwork and get your own website as that will give you more autonomy.

You need to be very clear in your boundaries, what you offer, and the kind of men you want to see. Refuse to see anyone who does not meet your requirements.

It's worth looking at Saafe as you will see that the day-to-day for most sex workers is fraught with issues ranging from dirty, unkempt men to time wasters and boundary pushers. However, there are many independent sex workers whom see decent clients who treat them well. But it's up to you to put every tool at your disposal, as well as to give considerable thought as to how you advertise yourself, not to mention screen clients to ensure you are totally in control.

FWIW, I'm a very part-time sex worker and went into it for similar reasons as to why you're considering it. Money is not the objective for me - I feel strongly that if it was, I would find it harder to say no to men I do not want to meet/keep things on my terms. Feel free to drop me a message if you want to talk.

Great post @chipndip !!!

@chipndip - out of curiosity, what do you do if the sex is shit?