To become a 'sex worker'?

[HazelnutAfterDark]

I know it is not AIBU here but I daren't post there (and name changed obvs)

Let me explain:

I have been single and no sex for about 4 years now. This is by choice. I've had a terrible heartbreak when I having a fling with a guy I was highly interested in and he showed the same level of interest back...until he didn't anymore...and out of the blue, with little explanation, we were done. He tried to come back, but I couldn't trust.

This left me scarred, maybe because how the break up happened - he literally changed gears without warning or red flags - and also how I perceived all the good moments to have been fake. But overall it was pretty awesome while it lasted.

Since then I have never met anyone comparable or that I could be attracted to and I tried everything. I took a break from OLD and stopped caring about meeting men casually and naturally.

Thing is: I love sex and I am good at it. But I don't like to masturbate, it isn't the same as enjoying another body, but I do it from time to time. I climax easily but it is underwhelming.

I'm heterosexual and always preferred monogamy too. I have no curiosity about anything else but... there is something that has been part of my fantasies since a very young age which is... to get paid (either cash or gifts) in exchange of sex. It turns me on for some reason. And I acted upon it only once when I was very young, with a guy slightly older than me, who were fascinated by me - he knew exactly what the T&Cs were and this was his only chance to have sex with me - he gave me money to buy a pair of shoes I wanted - telling him what I wanted and how much it cost, was part of the whole fantasy for me. I felt pretty awesome and don't regret a tiny bit but never did it again.

Later on I had a situationship with a guy who would take me to restaurants, hotels, little trips and give me lots of gifts. I liked it but the things he gave me were not my choice so it wasn't very exciting. I kept going because I liked sex with him and he was attractive / interesting.

At the moment, I would not be able to entertain a relationship or a partner - I'm working hard, studying hard and facing some challenges with my child (their health) - so ideally I want to have casual encounters, drama free and fun only when I can, when I need and when I want...and I am thinking, why not throw my kink and fantasies in the mix? Obviously I will have a choice to choose the men i'm willing to play with, whereas a real sex worker might not have that luxury.

It is also because I want to have real sex rather than masturbate only, but the causal ONS with random men will not satisfy me or be "worth it" in my mind at the moment.

I believe sex if healthy for the body and the mind and will open me up, even maybe to try real romance in the future.

For the record, I'm financially fine and support myself with normal work. This would be more for the excitement rather than money. Especially since I have not been able to get excited or interested in men via the normal 'route.'
I have been married twice and both times for the right reasons. The first divorce left me with only with half of our joint savings and the second divorce with absolutely nothing. First guy was on my financial level and second guy below my financial level, so I did not marry for money and I never would. I'm not a gold digger.

Don't be nasty please. I understand this idea will not be okay or match some people's values. And I don't know what my question is, maybe just curious to see ion someone 'gets' it, or has similar inclination, or is doing it?

Oh yes because people who were married and divorced can’t heal, grow, learn, etc

If I didn’t have a sensible head as you put it, I would be already out there doing it full time since my 1st experience years and years ago, don’t you think? Phisically I have what it takes.

MN is so judgemental about separated / divorced women as well.

You didn't understand what I meant, which is that OP rushing out to become a sex worker would be like getting a strange man to beat you up instead of getting into a safe/sane/consensual scene with someone safe and experienced in BDSM.

'Have a look on one of the punters websites and read the reviews men write about prostitutes'

If you can stomach it, that is. It's seriously disturbing stuff

OP I hope I'm right and that you've decided against this idea.
I think it's a given that a man who thinks he can buy consent is not really going to respect the woman. You can't buy consent, actually- I'm sure some men like to think you can, and comfort themselves with the idea of a happy hooker/sugar baby arrangement 'oh I'm helping her through college' and obviously it makes business sense to let them think this way.
But, as you say you just like sex...
I read a very sad account once of a young woman, a student, who decided to supplement her loan/grant by prostitution. It was all fine at first and she enjoyed it. But as time went on she became more and more unhappy about what she was doing. However, she had become used to the extra money and found it hard to stop for that reason. Most disturbingly, she found she enjoyed 'real' sex with her boyfriend less and less, basically she became completely alienated from her sexuality.
So if it can be that damaging when there is no coercion, no pimping, no addiction and as far as I recall no violence- the best case scenario for prostitution- I can't see it ever being a healthy choice.

Could you try a consenting partner from a sex site who’s up for the role play and gameplay

but is a normal man and not a user ?
i think that’s feasible and safe

There are but you presumably generally have to be young and attractive and I’m not sure being old enough to have been divorced twice and have a child fits with the “sugar baby” image.

Physically all it takes is a female body. And was that an admission you don't think it would be a sensible career?

No, I fully understood what you were saying you can backtrack as much as you like

No, not necessarily, some people making assumptions and judgements on things they know nothing about on the thread

I'm not backtracking, you're just clearly not very bright.

JoonT

fair point and interesting

the views on sex workers and their users can be black and white and rigidly held
both my ex and my brother have used sex workers once
yes 😑

I’m pretty open minded , and I have watched and read enough horrible stories and films to see what could go wrong 😑
but I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

Oh so you start with the insults lol

1- you know nothing about my child’s healthy problems and I mentioned that to illustrate why I dont want a serious partner atm -

2- Women in general struggle to date even the normal way nowadays, that has got nothing to do with intimacy ‘problem’

3- judging by some married women / men posts here, the situation I propose in my OP is much healthier than the ‘normal’

4- my child will not see, know, take part in anything - do children of married couple participate in their sexual life?

because they share the same kink

4- my child will not see, know, take part in anything - do children of married couple participate in their sexual life?

They don’t but the eye are affected when things go wrong just as your child will be. If you are attacked or your reputation is ruined by people finding out you are a sex worker this will impact your child. If you are going to do it you should accept there is a risk there. But I thought you’d decided not to do it anyway a few posts back?

who is rushing? did I give it a timeline or deadline?

It’s a bit niche. By your own description you’ve only found it once in your life. Good luck, do what you want.

Take great care in your choice OP.

Imagination is a dangerous thing.
Men who pay for sex can very easily imagine that they have bought all of you.

A sudden tendency to violence (in men) is much more common that women imagine.

What? You’re wanting men to pay you for sex… this poster was pointing out what kind of men do this… and you’re saying “exactly” …. She wasn’t agreeing with you OP 🙈🙈

1- it is not something to be advertised, for any effect it is a normal date situation where the parties involved share the same kink

2- I regret I posted on MN and thought would not participate in the thread anymore, can’t help myself. It will be a pain to get HQ to delete it now.

I stand corrected. Sugar daddies aren’t looking for nubile students etc. and I have a great chance as a 30 something parent. 🙄

It’s perfectly ok to judge the sex industry. I don’t take drugs either because I don’t want to participate in an industry which causes so much damage to society.

I'm not anti sex work but in your OP you said you didn't find anyone attractive on OLD. Why would men paying for sex be any more attractive to you?

It sounds to me like the kind of fantasy that might not be all it's cracked up to be in real life. Like being turned on by the idea of being gang raped.

The fact you have experienced something similar with someone you knew in the past, doesn't mean you will have similar experiences again. I mean, presumably you'd have to do what they requested, not what you might want to do?

But if you are dead set on it, go ahead. You don't need the approval of MN and you can stop any time you want to.

1. If it’s serious enough to stop you having a partner, it must be fairly serious.
2. Yes dating can be a struggle. You said you can’t even think about a relationship 4 years on because you were so heart broken by how your ex ended things with you, and that doesn’t even appear to have been one of your husbands. I’m not shaming you for that, I’ve been around the block myself, but have the self awareness to say I don’t want another relationship because I’m scared of getting hurt again.
3. Stop trying to deflect the subject on to others. Anyone positing such a foolish endeavour as yours would get the same response from me, wise up, you are creating problems not solving them.
4. Don’t be so ridiculous. You are proposing having sex for money with men to indulge a fantasy. Not even for the necessity of survival. Not in the context of a relationship- long term, short term or FWB whatever. There is no comparison in the two situations.

Twice

Second time I didn’t have the maturity or understanding to ask for exactly what I wanted in terms of material stuff and just accepted and appreciated what he chose to give which was nice and thoughtful enough but lacked the excitment I was looking for

What do you mean by *physically you have what it takes? You do know anyone can be a prostitute don’t you? You don’t need to have a certain type of body or look a certain way. There are loads of prostitutes in the world, there’s no physical requirement.