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Original poster

New partner wants anal sex

168 replies

Newpartnerworries · 28/12/2016 08:26

Have nc for this. I've met a new partner through old & so far so good. He lives quite far from me so we message quite a lot in between dates. In a message he mentioned he wanted anal sex. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Ive only done it once before & it was sort of forced on me & hurt a lot. I like him a lot & I want to please him but at the same time don't want to go along with something I'm not sure I want to do. Help!

OP posts:
BToperator · 28/12/2016 08:32

I would be inclined to just say no. It sounds like you would only be doing it to please him, which is not a good reason to do something you aren't comfortable with.

TrishanFlips · 28/12/2016 08:32

Run a mile. He sounds horrible.

Costacoffeeplease · 28/12/2016 08:34

If you don't want to do it, don't

If he puts any pressure on you to do it, dump and run like the wind

Horsegirl1 · 28/12/2016 08:35

My goodness that's a bit much for having not even met him. He sounds disgusting

Notnownornever · 28/12/2016 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2016 08:36

What a lovely message. Confused Just say no.

SquiffyAtBreakfastOnEggnog · 28/12/2016 08:53

Since you've already tried it and didn't like it, just tell him that.

Sex should be about doing stuff together that you both enjoy.
Not what one person "wants"

Original poster
Newpartnerworries · 28/12/2016 08:54

We have met & had sex. It was good for me, great even. I thought it was for him too. Now I'm left wondering if maybe it wasn't & feeling a bit 'inadequate'. We're both in our 40s so not new to this by any means.

OP posts:
Spadequeen · 28/12/2016 08:55

If you don't want to do something, don't. If it's a deal breaker for him then bye bye

BertrandRussell · 28/12/2016 08:55

"Sorry. I don't do anal sex"

ExcuseMeButtingIn · 28/12/2016 08:56

I'm sick of meeting men (in their 40's) who think anal sex is just something all women do. If he's brought it up already it's something that's obviously important to him - tell him to fuck off - or offer to fuck his arse with something first - fairs fair and all that

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2016 08:58

How did he word the message?

TheoriginalLEM · 28/12/2016 08:58

just say no. He doesn't sound horrible at all. Anal can be really good done properly and carefully but if you don't fancy it thats ok.

This could be a good test of if he's a keeper!

Be clear that you wont be doing it. His reaction will be very informative.

Original poster
Newpartnerworries · 28/12/2016 09:00

excuseme that made me laugh Grin

OP posts:
Imnotaslimjim · 28/12/2016 09:04

Why does he sound horrible? He and OP have met for a few dates (and gone on to have sex) he has just stated a preference in his sexual tastes. It's no worse than asking if they can introduce oral really.

Newpartner if you don't like then just tell him so. If he's a gentleman he'll accept your answer as final and move on.

Gallavich · 28/12/2016 09:06

It's fine for him to ask but it's also find for you to say no. If he responds badly to that or tries to persuade you then he's a shit and you should dump him.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 28/12/2016 09:06

Run a mile. He sounds horrible.

What? Hmm

elQuintoConyo · 28/12/2016 09:08

Fuck that shit.

"No, I don't do anal." Don't put 'sorry' in there at all.

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2016 09:08

I think the question should have at least been asked in person. That's the weird bit for me.

Butterymuffin · 28/12/2016 09:10

I think it's the 'he wants anal sex' phrasing. If he actually put it like that, it's all about his wants. If he said 'I like to do this, what about you?'that's not so bad. Still just say it's not your thing OP.

Crumbs1 · 28/12/2016 09:12

Grim. I never really got the whole idea. I certainly wouldn't be intimidated or made to feel a lesser woman because I failed to enjoy or desire something that was not what that part of our bodies were created for. I like to look at who I am making love to, albeit he has got more aged over the years. I worry that readily available porn has normalised that which is not actually very normal but we are all too right on to say so. Tell him that you have no desire to have anal fissures and tearing.

JakeBallardswife · 28/12/2016 09:12

Could you say I'll get a strap on then?

Original poster
Newpartnerworries · 28/12/2016 09:14

He's not horrible at all. He's act ually really nice which I suppose is why I'm struggling with it. We were messaging about our next date & he said he was looking forward to taking me 'that way'. I asked what he meant & he said he'd been too embarrassed to say it before. Just because it's not my thing doesn't make him horrible. The question is I suppose if it makes us incompatible?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 28/12/2016 09:16

So he assumed you would be OK with it?

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2016 09:17

Do you think it will be a deal breaker for him if you say no? That's really sad if it is.

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