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Original poster

DH... Anal sex... don't read if sensitive

56 replies

secondhoneymoon · 11/05/2016 22:46

So... Been with DH for over 30 years, married for most of them. We have never spoken about anal sex, not even to discuss respective thoughts about it. Suddenly during sex recently he asked if he could .... I said no and he respected that. But he also told me he had done and enjoyed that in the past. Am shocked he has kept this from me for so long. I won't change my mind on that but now think he thinks that I've denied him something he's enjoyed for so long and feel in a way that I don't really know him. So weird after all this time. Thoughts?

OP posts:
LisaRinnasLips · 11/05/2016 22:49

Been watching lots of porn now wants to recreate what he watched is what I thought.

Original poster
secondhoneymoon · 11/05/2016 22:58

Hadn't thought of that angle Lisa. I'm no prude, just anal isn't for me but feel partly that after all this time I don't know him because he's never told me that; partly he must be frustrated because he enjoyed it.... And worried incase this is something he's sought since we've been together

OP posts:
LisaRinnasLips · 11/05/2016 22:59

I think he's lying about doing it before if he's never told you in all these years. Seems odd

Original poster
secondhoneymoon · 11/05/2016 23:02

I agree, why now? Has shook me up a bit to be honest, too big a secret to keep all this time

OP posts:
AnotherStitchInTime · 11/05/2016 23:06

He's been doing fine without it for 30 years.

Sex is about mutual enjoyment. Why he would want you to do something you don't want to do sexually just to please him?

I agree I think he has seen it in porn and now wants to try it out. Otherwise why would this only come up in conversation now after all this time?

FoolMe · 11/05/2016 23:11

He's managed without it this long, you have no need to feel guilty and you don't have to even consider trying it if you don't want to

Original poster
secondhoneymoon · 11/05/2016 23:14

I definitely don't feel I have to do it and I won't. Am just wondering if his experience was before we were together, why wouldn't he have mentioned it before? We are really close and have always discussed what turns us on. No mention of this. So why now? Guess I'm worried he 'a discovered this recently (porn being the least of my worries)

OP posts:
BackToTheCaveman · 12/05/2016 13:50

secondhoneymoon your DH may just be trying some crap amateur psychology on you. Thinking if you think he has done it before, you may want to give it a go.

On another note, how do you know something is not for you, if you have never tried it? Give it a whirl you may surprise yourself.

holdontoyourbutts · 12/05/2016 18:16

OP I think what you need to do is sit and talk with him. You say you've never discussed it before so maybe now is the time to do so? He might not think you are denying him of anything, but you won't know unless you talk to him.

By that I'm not saying that you have to agree to do it, but take it as a chance to find out what has brought this on and discuss YOUR feelings about it.

albertcampionscat · 12/05/2016 18:19

Well, if it's about not denying each other stuff you could get him to look up pegging and say you're game if he is.

expatinscotland · 12/05/2016 18:25

Oh, bullshit he's already done it. He's been watching porn.

'On another note, how do you know something is not for you, if you have never tried it? Give it a whirl you may surprise yourself.'

She doesn't want to try it. That's enough.

Original poster
secondhoneymoon · 12/05/2016 20:49

Thanks all. yes I know I should be talking to him about it and not you, I think I was just shocked that it had never come up before and that I didn't know that about him. I won't be trying it and I know he won't ask again. Just feels a bit weird

OP posts:
BackToTheCaveman · 13/05/2016 06:06

She doesn't want to try it. That's enough

Of course anyone shouldn't do something they don't want to do. That said I find it weird that an adult wouldn't even try something to see if they like it first. it's only anal he is not aslking for pain play. I have never done pegging but if asked I would give it a whirl.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 13/05/2016 08:24

Offer to do it to him first, see what his reaction is then!

Mishaps · 13/05/2016 08:26

Tell him to bugger off. He's messing with your head.

DoItTooJulia · 13/05/2016 08:50

Wasn't there an article in GQ recently about this? I didn't read the article but I read a piece about how it was written and that the way to do it is to suggest it just as you're (the man) ready to pop it in.

The piece I read was around the consent angle that was presented in the article. It sounds like your DH has read that-well it was my first thought when I read your OP.

I found the piece I read: www.independent.co.uk/voices/with-their-latest-anal-sex-advice-has-gq-decided-sexual-consent-is-merely-optional-a7025666.html

Does this make sense?

expatinscotland · 13/05/2016 09:03

'That said I find it weird that an adult wouldn't even try something to see if they like it first. it's only anal he is not aslking for pain play.'

'only anal'. Says it all. Such a dismissive attitude. As an adult there are many sexual practices people have no inclination to try or 'give it a whirl', however 'weird' that seems to you. Hmm

JamesTiberiusKirk · 13/05/2016 11:20

expatinscotland

And that is fair enough. No one should be doing anything that doesn't work for them. That said, both my wife and I have tried things that were not things we were immediately interested in, only to find that we found them very pleasurable. Not saying that the Op would be in this position, but I don't see anything wrong with being open-minded.

DependencyInjection · 13/05/2016 11:31

If you look at the pornhub search statistics there has been a major uptick in search requests for this over the last four years which has resulted in more and more content creation, to satisfy this particular search. The fact of the mater is that the shooting and editing of it makes it look "OK" irrespective of the realities of porn sex.

Frankly the pornhub seach stats make for facinating reading, Michigan is the US State that requests the most transexual porn... would you have thunk it.

The Tea Party and the rise of the Alt-Right Donald Trump fans have appeared to have created a significant interest in cuckolding porn, so if hou DH asks to watch you being shagged by another bloke... then you have Donald Trump to thank for that.

I'm guessing he's watched some skint east european girl being buggered for money and pretending to "enjoy" it to send the cash home and thinks what he sees on t'internet is reality.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 13/05/2016 12:15

Some people find no appeal in being shagged up the shitter. Absolutely nothing wrong or abnormal with that.

Advice to grin and bear it for your man, or how can you know if you don't try, is odious.

deVelvet · 13/05/2016 12:21

What age is your DH?

A relationship over 30 years and he has never discussed this once, I assume there have been plenty of opportunities for him to bring this up? I would also imagine that these are the boundaries you establish early on in a relationship - not 30 years later.

Makes me think that something quite recently has captured his interest in anal sex. Porn or otherwise.

What have his pron habits been in the 30 years you have been together?

DependencyInjection · 13/05/2016 12:45

Tell you what call his bluff, tell him how 30 years ago you luuuuurved being rimmed and its only right to go down front AND BACK to get you aroused before "entry". I think he's shitting you around. And in the interests of normative consensual shared luving tell him you wanna peg him first with BlackAdders Black Russian Codpeice see here blackadderquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/russian-codpiece-from-blackadder.jpg.

JamesTiberiusKirk · 13/05/2016 12:53

I find the aggression towards the DH here a little disturbing. He's already pigeonholed as a porn fiend when you don't have any information to back it up. Talk about jumping to conclusions...

Is it really inconceivable that he wants to try something new? Anal sex is pretty widely discussed in a cultural sense - it's not like porn is the only place it gets exposure!

BackToTheCaveman · 13/05/2016 13:01

As an adult there are many sexual practices people have no inclination to try or 'give it a whirl', however 'weird' that seems to you

That's fine expat that's your bag. Me I was brought up to try different things in life, as I wasn't born with a intrinsic knowledge of everything I would/would not like for the rest of my life. I have had the pleasure of learning on the way. BTW I now like olives Smile.

Is it really inconceivable that he wants to try something new? Anal sex is pretty widely discussed in a cultural sense
^^This. Who knows he may read Mumsnet, it seems to get a lot of mentions on there Wink

DependencyInjection · 13/05/2016 13:15

Oh Dear oh Dear so it's not sexual aggression using emotional blackmail to "encourage" someone to who hasn't done it to do it. Well its not new to him is it. "My girlfriend 30 years ago regularly took a fat pipe up the dirtbox and came like a steamtrain". The OP may discover she gets off on it if its done with care and sensitivity. I frankly find it odd that after a 30 year hiatus, pop, it comes out of the blue. I can't think of anything that I did 30 years ago, that hasn't cropped up in passing with my OH

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