to be ridiculously excited to have just booked tickets for a swinging club for NYE party?

[goodcompany2]

First time without kids on NYE in 7 years and excited!!!

It's the wilfully ignorant insistence that anyone who isn't like you is disgusting, ridiculous or immoral.

but how does calling them names back help you?

It's still a sweeping statement. All people who speak up about how they don't like swinging, laugh at overweight and disabled people having sex?

It doesn't even make sense.

I would say that thise who repeatedly come back to the thread to insult those who swing feel very threatened by it. Perhaps they feel afraid of people who are different to them, feel insecure in their relationship or just have hang ups about sex.

Popping back and throwing insults like "sad", "risible" etc looks a bit childish and insecure.

Why feel so threatened by people just because they are different to you? Or maybe you are just jealous

I think that it would have been helpful had the term "mundane" had been defined before it was bandied about.

It was me who used the term "Fatswingers" regarding a certain website. Yes that is fattist, I admit.

I am not opposed to fat people having sex, I just don't wanna have sex with them myself, seeing as I take a lot of care of myself and excercise regularly. Yes I am a bit fattist, when it comes to obese people hitting on me. If I take the trouble to eat healthily and regularly excercise, why would I want to gave sex with some fat guy/woman with a big gut?

Being obese is due to bad diet and lack of excercise/sedantary lifestyle for the vast majority. It is completely different to being disabled and cannot be compared. No one chooses to be disabled but people do choose to eat junk food, cake and not excercise.

I have never seen a disabled person on that website actually...but lots of unpleasant photos of overweight people in unflattering poses. But I don't begrudge them sex or having some fun....I just don't wanna have sex with them.

Most swingers I know feel the same about that website...a lot of the photos are just very unflattering.

I fully admit to being fattist when it comes to sexual attraction. Obesity is the biggest turn off for me. That is all.

I certainly wouldn't describe non swingers as "mundane". Vanilla yes, mundane no.

But please don't describe me as sad or risible because I am exploring my sexuality and because I like bi sex and the occassional 3sum. My partners are all hot, fit people with good careers between the ages of 25-42. They have stable relationships, lovely homes, kids and love to enhance their lives with the occassional sexual adventure. They don't feel insecure about the idea that their partner might actually enjoy to have sex with another guy or girl and their honesty within their relationship is extremely refreshing.

Its a darned sight nicer than all the cheating I have seen going on amongst my non swinging couple friends over the years.

Its not for everyone, no but don't insult people just because you don't understand their lifestyle. Those of you who are insulting swingers seem to have very strong reactions to something which you have never actually tried or experienced yourself.

Its a bit like me saying that I find the skiing community sad and risible for wanting to do extreme sports, when I have never tried skiing myself.

Swinging isn't something I could try, but I don't judge those who do, individually if both people in the relationship are consenting and not hurting anyone then it's up to them what they do and they do it with.

This thread has been fascinating and ty to the posters who've been honest and respectful.

I'd like to ask how you broach the topic with your partner? In particular someone you've been with a while/married to etc. I've often read couples talk of how it revived their sex life brought them closer together etc. I'd be heartbroken if dh suggested this to me, and if I'm totally honest it may just kill our marriage, I'd be uncomfortable that he wanted to shag other women, that he'd been thinking about for however long before asking me, esp if the request comes during a dip in our sex life. I'm not a jealous person and I know I can say no, but I'd always be wondering if he's bored and thinking if shagging other women. I'd much rather be told at the starts of a relationship that it's something they wanna try, because then I can walk away, if that makes sense. Dh has read bits of thread with me and said he'd be hurt if I brought it up with him as a thing I'd like to try.

Dh knows a man from work who encouraged their wife to try swinging and said that even if it was something he'd want to try, he couldn't be certain that a woman isn't there because her husband wants her to and has talked her into it and is doing it for his benefit and pleasure and not hers. I was wondering if that's an easy thing to pick up on, so that a woman who is trying stuff on her husbands encouragement is left alone type of thing? or is it something that doesn't happen?

I hope my questions are not offensive and totally understand if nobody wants to answer because it's none of my business. Just things I wondered about while reading this thread.

I've never been curious about sex with women, being watched, watching and sex wth strangers really isn't something I like the thought of, so involving any other people in our sex life isn't something that turns me on. I'm content if that's mundane. Thankfully dh feels the same so it works for us. Those who do enjoy it just have a different relationships to me, none are better, stronger, more exciting, just different imo.

Vanilla and mundane is just a way of saying that everyone else is boring.

Many people think that those who engage in swinging have a high sex drive. Actually it is the opposite. It is people who need more to have and enjoy sex. And that shows in some of the comments here where women say before swinging they were unfulfilled sexually and bored. But most of us can have a brilliant sex life and be monogamous.

I was on the periphery of 'the scene' for a while. I've popped into clubs (when much younger and curious). There were lots of people from lots of backgrounds. I've had some really intellectual discussions!.

I don't judge anyone for what they do but some of it WAS a bit seedy and I do know that some of the women were there to please their partner. I don't think they were necessarily manipulated to and did often enjoy it themselves but probably wouldn't have attended as single women.

Same as someone said up thread about knowing kissing a woman would turn on their partner more than them kissing a man etc. I kissed women and I enjoyed it but enjoyed it more because I knew it turned on my partner.

That DOESN'T mean I was coerced but it does mean it wasn't just for my pleasure but the same could be said for other sexual activity - I get little personal pleasure from giving a blow job, it's the pleasure it gives my partner that I enjoy.

And I've attended (usually as an observer) these nights involving 'beautiful people'. Some of the women may be but usually the men are less attractive IMO. So when people say they only sleep with 'hot' people I do wonder about their objective opinions.

I know of a 'hot male' who apparently is very popular at these kind of events. He has a fantastic body to be honest but the head of Peter Beardsley but it seems women queue up for him.

Pea - I think most couples who are in to this will have judged the lie of the land from previous comments and discussions, rather than just coming straight out and saying do you fancy getting a man in?

For example, if you are watching TV with your partner and an attractive person comes on. You could assess their reaction from discussions you had about attractive people. Is the other person jealous when you say you find someone attractive or do they probe for more details? If they ask for more details, does the other person provide them.

Much fewer people actually swing than indulge in fantasies with a committed, trusting partner. I can only guess, but I imagine a significant number of couples have an imaginary threesome scenario, particularly where one or both is bisexual.

Pea I think you are right its good to discuss the idea at the outset...although realistically the idea might evolve during a relationship.

A couple I know started swinging after googling "swing" whilst seeking a baby swing. The Fabswingers website appeared and they were like "omg do people do that?". They had their first swing that week!!!!

I have broached the subject in 3 relationships. The 1st boyfriend was horrified (end of subject). The last boyfriend got a bit over excited and proved to be a liaibility (he got very pushy and tried to get me to meet couples when I was not attracted to the other guy)...the current boyfriend is from southern Europe and was very chilled about the whole thing. He is patient and considerate and the perfect swing partner in that sense. If I set up a meet, he is very happy to join but he never pushes for one and is happy to be led (astray) by me and the other girl.

Differentcat yes I think a lot of people have fantasies. For me its about realising some of those fantasies and enjoying them before I get old. I have always been fascinated by the idea of Roman orgies, 3sums etc and I want to have an adventurous life full of colour, that's just me but I respect the fact that most people prefer to keep a fantasy as a fantasy.

As I said it is often the women driving the agenda. Certainly on fabswingers about 85% of the contact and planning is led by the girls not the guys.

I guess in a minority of cases one partner might only be doing it to please but that would indicatemuch wider issues in the dynamic of their relationship.

Pea, I don't think the question comes out of the blue, I think it follows a long time of knowing what turns each other on and the types of things that they are both into.

Cleaty, Vanilla doesn't mean boring. Vanilla covers the range of sexual activity that most people indulge in. It's not an insult, there is nothing wrong with vanilla. Vanilla can be hot, exciting and satisfying. It's already been explained that mundane never referred to anyone's sex life, it was about some people's attitude to other people's sex lives.
Many people think that those who engage in swinging have a high sex drive. Actually it is the opposite. It is people who need more to have and enjoy sex.
Have you got some research that indicates that or did you just make that up? It sounds made up. How do you know what sex drive swingers have? What relevance is a person's sex drive anyway. Both swingers and monogamous couples can have fully satisfying sex lives, being into swinging doesn't mean there is something wrong with a couple's sex life. They might not NEED more, they might just WANT more - they might just want to swing and they don't view monogamy as critical to their relationship. It's not for everyone but there is nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing wrong with swinging and there is nothing wrong with not swinging. We all have different wants and desires. One group is not better than the other, they are just different. Different is good - it makes the world a more interesting place.

Hurray for realizing fantasies!

I have been lucky enough to meet a girl who is bi and like me, likes to have sex with lots of people but is married. She is also 10 years younger then me and really hot, so I nearly fell off my chair to discover she was interested in me. We've had a great time together and also had a 3some with another FWB of hers but that was initiated by her and me, we roped him into it

if she or I are being persuaded by our respective partners into this they must be doing it by telepathy.

Actually, DH and I met each other in this way (together almost 8 years now)

This is such an interesting thread - thanks for starting it OP and enjoy your NYE!

I am secretly quite attracted to the whole idea of swinging but I really wouldn't know how to broach it with DH. Because of this I know our relationship isn't in the right place generally. I can completely believe that only a rock solid marriage could survive swinging but I would love to think about it in the future. Two young kids have put a lot of strain on our marriage and I think as they get older things will get easier.

I always liked the thrill of the chase and found that part of a relationship the most erotic bit in some ways. I love DH and he's a good, considerate lover but I think I'm just mentally wired to want to experience new things and new people. I'm increasingly bicurious too and I would like to have sexual experiences with another woman but not in a way that would feel unfaithful - so swinging would work well because my primary relationship is very much with my DH and I would enjoy him being there to enjoy the whole thing too.

There were some really interesting points on the thread but it was a bit dismaying to see so much ridicule of swinging. It denotes a certain sneering mentality IMHO. I find a lot of fetishes strange and might raise an eyebrow in private but ultimately if all the participants are consenting adults who aren't being abused or exploited, then the best of luck to them.

Degust do you still swing together? I think it's lovely you found such a likeminded partner.

AspiringSwinger iIt does take a lot of trust and communication to work. We're lucky in that we had a fairly casual start to our relationship and Bf would do the occasional dirty talk in bed, then we would have a giggle and share previous sexual exploits. it became -embarrassingly- clear very early on that I got turned on by hearing about a 3sum he had many eons ago. He wanted to hear my sexploits too as part of our sex play; only I had been very vanilla. then it went on to fantasy 3sums in bed. Seemed a natural progression to us to attend a club.

He suggested it initially. I had no idea what he was suggesting so said i would look into it. Came back to him a few days saying in no uncertain terms would I go to the club he suggested! No way! However i had found a much better one with nicer reviews and would he like to go to that one! He hadn't expected me to say yes or to do the research etc.

We then spent the next month talking what ifs, limits. boundaries, feelings worries etc. Then we went with the expectation of just going to have a nosy and had a great time.

Hope this helps a bit about how to introduce it as a safe fantasy game into your bedroom. Redefining an existing monogamous relationship is possible for some and not others. Tread lightly and sensitively. If swinging in anyway effected our relationship negatively, it would stop immediately. My BF is my best friend and I couldn't bear to upset him. Think it can be harder for the men in swinging, more pressure to perform, more men on the scene and the sex act itself encourages them to be responsible for their orgasm and also the woman's. Some may slate me but i think i get a lot more fun out of it than he does so I'm mindful that he's having fun too. it really is about looking out for each other's happiness and well-being.

I second goodcompany's suggestion about discussing fantasies as a first step to opening discussions with your partner. Be open to listen to any fantasies or ambitions he may have to. My partner had had fantasies about going to a club for years before we actually tried it out. There were things he wanted to do and things I wanted to do and we are trying to accommodate both of our wishes in this new non-monogamous set up.

AspiringSwinger not right now, family life (quite rightly) takes precedence never say never though.... agree 100% with goodcompany2 's last post!

Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately DH absolutely hates talking about anything related to sex - he's very Catholic, was extremely devout when younger. I don't even know how many sexual partners he's had but fewer than me. He doesn't like talking about previous relationships so I have tried to broach a few things before but nothing ever comes of it We get by because he's considerate and willing to please but the lack of spice is a bit of a bore sometimes. He would be very hurt if he knew this and it's difficult to discuss sensitively, even though I imagine he may feel the same!

Ah right. Yes you very much need to be 100% on the same page in this sort of world

So then, we are waiting for your field report, was it grim, full of fat munters, all 2/10's as so many here predicted?

Personally, I hope you had fun and enjoyed yourselves.

I ve been following this thread. Need an update - no photos though ;)

Hope it lived up to your expectations.

Perhaps OP is still recovering ?

Happy New Year folks. Yep we went, house was beautiful and I've never seen so many sexy people in a swinging party. What really surprised me was the diversity of the guests. Youngsters in their 20's with their ridiculously young toned bodies right through to the those in their sixties, also sexy but less obviously flaunting their bodies. Some amazing dresses and 'outfits'.

The whole thing was a hoot! Lots of compliments flying around and conversations ranging from work, the state of the education sector, laser hair removal and the buffet! lol

Only chap I bonked was mine and only body he touched was mine! lol, Have decided that, for now, monogamy is for us as we just prefer each other; although we enjoy the thought of others and are not ruling it out again, it's just not floating our boat at moment. Was a great experience though and definitely resulted in a raging libido for both of us!

TMI? Hope not.

Why don't we have a 'like' button? Good on you goodcompany.

Hooray. Happy New Year, Goodcompany.