Anal sex

[feelinghothothot]

Any real advice on how to enjoy this without biting the pillows? I've tried it a couple of times but I know dp would love to do it more. I'm also keen to get into it. Lube, toys - can someone steer me right?

Ignoring everything else,

OP - use the right lube!

There is special lube made for bumsex which is thicker and lasts longer than the usual thin kind you can buy in the supermarket/chemist. (Reason being, the vagina produces much more lubricant than your bum, so the lube you use needs to go the distance!)

You'll need to order it online or you might be able to get it in Ann Summers or the like, not sure.

A PPs post on page one about working your way up to it with butt plugs is very good. I also use an anal douche beforehand so I don't have any anxieties about being empty, as it were.

If your partner is well-endowed, missionary with a pillow under your bum will prevent him going too hard or fast for you. If he's average or smaller, doggy style will work.

I enjoy anal and can sometimes actually find it LESS uncomfortable and painful than vaginal.

But horses for courses, of course we should all strive to meet our partner's sexual needs, but there's a difference between "this doesn't do anything for me but I know my partner likes it so I'm happy to indulge them occasionally" and "I really dislike this but I'm just going to have to put up with it." If you find it painful and uncomfortable even when fully warmed up, then you take it off the menu.

She brought this thread to my attention.

Yes life isn't a box of chocolates, I think it is fair to say every relationship is give and take.

Feel free to make unsubstantiated judgements which will remain unanswered.

No more comments from me, TTFN.

When a couple are experimenting with a new sexual act - especially one that could potentially be painful, then checking that each other are happy with what they are doing and happy to continue, with reassuring words like 'you're in control' 'I'll move when you are ready' 'tell me if you want more' seems perfectly reasonable - considerate in fact.

Women are capable of choosing to try anal sex without being pressured at all, and there are plenty of women who enjoy anal as part of their sex life.

DadofSprogs, there were other alternatives though? Just presumably less preferable for you?

Yes life isn't a box of chocolates

Facile twattery of the highest order

Your poor wife, DOS

'Life isn't a box of chocolates'

Particularly when your wanker DH insists on carrying on fucking you up the arse even though it makes you uncomfortable.

Ugh ugh ugh.

Anyone that comes near my arse deserves all they get.
I'd like a bloke to tell me what exactly is sexy about getting shit on your knob?

He honestly won't get shit on his dick
Unless you have the shits or some other kind of issue which means you leave residue in the back passage, it's pretty much clear of shit. If there was fresh poo there waiting to be stirred up by his knob you would know about it because you would be about to shit yourself before even starting.

Wow...i recently lost my virginity. I'm very old to be having sex for the first time, i'm not ashamed to admit it. It was incredibly painful to start off with despite the fact my partner was exceedingly gentle and reassuring, constantly checking i was ok and going as fast or slow as i needed him too. It eventually stopped hurting but the next few times i did it, it hurt just as much. Its good to know that my gentle, caring partner is repulsive for carrying on, (when he knew it would eventually stop hurting and be sort of enjoyable) when its clear i was in pain. And to make me do it again when it hurt the next time too! What a terrible person he must be.

unsolved mystery speaks a lot of sense

Grey, yes it is a "terrible person" who is happy to carry on doing something when you are "clearly in pain"

what else did you want people to say ?

Jeepers Grey your partner does sound absolutely awful.

I told him to carry on. It was always going to hurt the first time i had sex, what was i meant to do? Never have sex? If i had told him to stop he would have done straight away no question

What an interesting viewpoint

I do think that losing your virginity is a slightly different scenario to anal sex
Don't you?

the first time, maybe ?

but the next several times it hurt just as much

and your partner "persevered" because you told him too

please don't detail here what exact form that "perserverance" took, but I cringe for you

that sounds absolutely horrible

It wasn't. I felt very safe and cared for at all times and for you to try and be twisting it to suit yourself is making me feel a bit sick. Persevered is not a word i used and its not how it was. Anyways i'm regretting posting this now, so off for a namechange and bowing out of the thread.

when he knew it would eventually stop hurting

On account of all the anal sex you have performed on him?

This is the thing isn't it, in het sex women are expected to grit their teeth and bear it on the basis it will get better later / if it doesn't there's something wrong with them.

If sex hurts then maybe there's a physical problem, maybe he has a massive dick and it's always going to hurt with him, maybe the foreplay isn't extensive enough, maybe the woman isn't relaxed enough for whatever reason. It's not just a case of well have at it even if it hurts like fuck and hope that it'll get better over time.

And I'm all game for giving stuff a go if you're keen (as per OP) and even more than once, if it's excrutiating then not so much, but if it's OK and actually that was quite nice and definitely better than last time then if you want to keep at it then that's up to you isn't it.

Backdrop here though is that sex is riskier in many ways for straight women than for straight men, and I think maybe straight men don't really get that. Maybe they don't really get just how uncomfortable it is to be penetrated when your body is saying no thanks despite your best efforts, that sort of thing. And of course young people have always engaged in persuasion / coercion which again when the people involved are heterosexual means the pain / risk / whatever is on the woman. And of course we are told that XYZ is how it is and we need to learn how to do it even if it costs us to start.

Anyway for those giving it a go I say good luck! And I personally have found some of the comments on here a bit grim but the OP asked for advice and I think she's had some excellent advice so I hope it works out for her. If it doesn't, well actually I don't like that so I'm not going to do it is always a reasonable answer.

This thread makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable. No wonder teenagers have no idea about what's acceptable and normal in a loving consensual relationship whilst people are still putting themselves through pain for the sake of their partner. It really makes me worry for my dd growing up. If something is painful, no matter what ever it is, even "normal" sex, if your partner is clearly in pain then that's the sign to stop.

Maybe I'm just getting old but I'd rather have no sex at all than something painful happen to me or anyone else in the name of sex.

There may be an element of technique involved:

Tried it with two previous partners. Guy no. 1 was fine - not the best sex of my life by far but didn't hurt and was actually sexy at the time.

Guy no. 2 just hurt. Lots of lube and prep later it still hurt like hell. He was really into it, too, and would beg for it despite the fact that he knew it hurt me and I hated it. Which made me hate it even more!

And, no, penis size was not the issue - IIRC they were both roughly the same.

Did you like guy no 1 better than guy no 2? Just a thought!