Daughter being excluded from prom

[user1471497170]

My daughter is year 11 and sits GCSEs next month. She has struggled throughout the whole of secondary school with friendships, MH/school anxiety, behaviour and approximately a year ago almost got sent to pru. She has never settled in school. However she has made significant improvement, not on any behaviour plan, is revising hard and should pass GCSEs and do her chosen subjects in college.

She has autism, anxiety and some physical health issues that are likely linked. Getting her into school is a struggle as she feels unhappy there but we make the effort and her attendance is good.

Although much improved her behaviour score is not high enough to meet the 90% prom threshold (reminders, uniform points and gokng to toilet when not permitted). She was informally told this week the final decision is that she will be excluded from prom.

Now all the girls have their tickets and she is beside herself. They are all making plans and talking about dresses and she now feels unable to continue going to school due to feeling so distressed about this. She is worried how she will cope with the sense of exclusion having to keep hearing about prom in school and assemblies

She's now at home. I have written to the school and submitted 2 complaints over the last 2 months however I have not received a satisfactory response. There has been no communication to me from the school about their decision or how they will support those excluded. Please can someone advise how I can escalate this further and if possible externally.

And are they supporting him to develop the skills he needs and offering alternatives to celebrate his achievements and progress?

Wouldn't the local community police just help out by escorting him off the premises for safety? I'm assuming there is a whole event risk asssment/ plan somewhere.

I would also assume behaviour so extreme that everyone had to evacuate and go home is probably something that should be managed with more than a prom ban. Are they evacuating school on a daily basis?

They’re not offering him alternative trips out, because he can’t go, but praise for the right things is available, yes. He’s given rewards he can safely access.

We don’t know that the school in question aren’t making similar adjustments, do we? Prom isn’t about celebrating achievements, it’s not a reward trip.

If my son missed a reward trip he couldn’t access, but still deserved a reward, I’d expect him to receive one.

But if it’s an event that wasn’t for that, like the prom, I don’t think an alternative has to be offered.

I’m not policing anyone’s comments. I’m just trying to follow what your point is here. Never mind.

That's great for your son

We don't know they aren't making adjustments for OP child but we equally don't know they are either.

I would assume if they were making adjustments OP would be happy like you are about your child's school and wouldn't have needed to start a thread about the situation

That adjustment can’t be attending something she’s not able to attend without risk.

I would assume they are making adjustments, or the progress she’s made in her behaviour wouldn’t have happened.

There’s a lot of work goes into even starting to turn that around.

But your assuming OP child needs are the same as your child. OP hasn't said her DD can't attend trips outside school due to risks

Acknowledging transitions and well managed endings are central to resilience. It doesn't require adversity, acceptance is also important. Kids already have adversity that you didn't create. That's what you are forgetting.
The end of school party should focus on the acceptance aspect and resist meting out justice. The school signals it's role is ending that way. By withdrawing the stick. It's not being soft- you literally won't be there any more for those kids. You are organising a prom so that you can leave it well. Even if they can't, schools should to the extent it is safe. That's what a positive adult lead looks like. You are role modelling being there, and an ending. They learn from that the duty of adults to children. And something important about endings.

They haven’t banned her from prom incase they don’t like her dress.

There’ll be a reason. Schools don’t just exclude children from events without one.

Schools haven't excluded your child without a genuine reason but your experience isn't replicated in every school and for every pupil. Sometimes schools do get it wrong

I don't understand why people are incapable of recognizing that schools aren't infalable perfect oasis that never make a misstep

I think it's perfectly possible that the behaviour may be worse than OP knows (in which case schools should have discussed the actual situation with OP), or that OP is in denial or that the OP is justified that the school are unjustified.

I do not understand others blind faith that the school can not have done anything wrong and the pupil must always be at fault and therefore any punishment must be reasonable.

"Acknowledging transitions and well managed endings are central to resilience"

You are quite correct. Part of making it "well managed" is to publish behaviour standards and expectations so that is a safe, enjoyable experience for the students that attend

Unfortunately for OP, in this case, this has meant her daughter cannot attend.

Any child who has been at risk of exclusion from school has at some stage, been at fault.

The threshold for that is high, there are many steps involved, and schools can’t just do it.

OP’s DD being even close to that in the past implies at some point, she’s been at fault. The fact she’s still there implies there’s been some behavioural support to make that happen.

I’m reading between the same lines that you are, just getting different answers I think.

You're overcomplicating it. You've turned a school party into a redemption ceremony!

Haha community police turn up.
Again you're showing how clueless you are.

So you're now expecting police to turn up? They don't turn up to crimes in progress. That's very unrealistic.

I think considering how upset the OP is about this, that it would be very reasonable to assume that if they weren't making adjustments, that she'd have said so 20 pages back.

I have known police to be on hand in large community events in a preventative way. PCSOs could do that. To run an event where it's highly likely someone threatening will turn up, and for the plan to be having to evacuate it- is what seems unrealistic to me. If you are in the position- expose kids to risk or don't have the events- it sounds appropriate for police to be involved.

Prom doesn't really come under large community event.

Nope it's experience.

You've experienced police turning up to prom?

See post to Lemonthyme above

Dear @Warmlight1. You have a very bizarre view of what a "large community event" is, as this is, by nature, private. Also if it's "highly likely someone threatening will turn up" then you've got the process wrong.

Community events requiring policing are charged for. At full cost.

Schools - not all schools- have decided
A) to have a prom which everyone says is very troublesome
B) not only that but to have a performance type framework which connects to it
C) to award points to pupils over - how many years? 2/3/4?
D) to exclude some pupils right at the end of their school career on the basis of behaviour from 2/3/4 years ago?
E) that that is going to work as behaviour management ( because kids are well known for planning their behaviour months even years in advance)
F) whether it works or not it satisfies the teachers that justice is served so doesn't matter if it works
G) it's not about the excluded kids
H) it is about the excluded kids and they will benefit specifically from being excluded from a prom.
I) someone has to keep track of all that.
J) if an excluded pupil turns up.it might have to be evacuated anyway

I just suggested a simple risk assessment and sensitive communication about that since it's the end of their school career.

And I'm overthinking it?

A simple risk assessment wouldn't change anything, as proved by Timmy turning up.

You're expecting the children and parents of excluded children to be rational. They aren't.