Daughter being excluded from prom

[user1471497170]

My daughter is year 11 and sits GCSEs next month. She has struggled throughout the whole of secondary school with friendships, MH/school anxiety, behaviour and approximately a year ago almost got sent to pru. She has never settled in school. However she has made significant improvement, not on any behaviour plan, is revising hard and should pass GCSEs and do her chosen subjects in college.

She has autism, anxiety and some physical health issues that are likely linked. Getting her into school is a struggle as she feels unhappy there but we make the effort and her attendance is good.

Although much improved her behaviour score is not high enough to meet the 90% prom threshold (reminders, uniform points and gokng to toilet when not permitted). She was informally told this week the final decision is that she will be excluded from prom.

Now all the girls have their tickets and she is beside herself. They are all making plans and talking about dresses and she now feels unable to continue going to school due to feeling so distressed about this. She is worried how she will cope with the sense of exclusion having to keep hearing about prom in school and assemblies

She's now at home. I have written to the school and submitted 2 complaints over the last 2 months however I have not received a satisfactory response. There has been no communication to me from the school about their decision or how they will support those excluded. Please can someone advise how I can escalate this further and if possible externally.

That’s great. I’m sure the teachers are glad too, because it’s a lot of work for nothing but complaints as illustrated here. Out of interest, what would you do about pupils who had been violent or disrespectful in school, or who couldn’t be trusted not to damage the toilets while nobody was looking, or who were flight risks (or actually left without anyone seeing)?
Being a parent organiser doesn’t change the nature of the attendees though it might alter the level of your responsibility for what they do and their safety.

I wonder what the response would be if a teacher wasn't invited as the pupils didn't like them

So know what's really odd is we all went to school and yet many adults can't comprehend that kids at school don't behave the way in all environments

In my school
There was the kid who was an angel in school butter wouldn't melt who has committed huge crimes outside of school. The fraudulent behaviour started before he left school but no one in school knew this.

And the kid who kept getting in trouble because they kept falling asleep, often forgot the PE kit and didn't get homework done. They were always in trouble. It's now common knowledge that they were working jobs to buy the food for the family and cooking meals, caring for siblings and keeping the house clean at home.

The kid who was told they'd never amount to anything who has a successful business

And the kid who got top grades in the school but is now an unemployed drug addict.

It is a bit of a separate issue, but did you know the UK actually has the highest SEND rate in the world? We are such a massive outlier with almost 20% of kids labeled, compared to just 6% in the EU and 2-4% across East Asia.
We would assume people are roughly the same biologically, but the massive gap is down to how we diagnose, the lack of stigma here, and the way our system works. While it is great for being inclusive and showing kindness, it has definitely led to a lot of "abuse" of the definition. A SEND label shouldn't always become an excuse for bad behaviour or a free pass to any social gathering.

What would be the relevance? Are you suggesting students are banned from prom because teachers ‘don’t like them’? I can assure you it’s not that. Some of the students I’ve most enjoyed teaching and had a lot of time for would have been a liability at prom. And some I didn’t really warm to would be perfect. It’s not a popularity contest.

Yes, we all know that. But we can only risk assess on what we know - their behaviour in school.
Edit: the school age career would have much better support now I’d hope than when you were at school. That’s the case in my experience anyway. I mean, their lives are still impossibly tough but school would help them out and not discipline for behaviour caused by that, so it’s a bit irrelevant.

I would say schools are worse now than when I was at school.

The students aren't banned for being not liked.

Staff with poor attendance and a bad attitude don't tend to volunteer their time.

In what way? On what evidence?
I’ve worked in schools from 1988 until last year. It’s got worse for teachers, for sure, and I’m not keen on some of the curriculum changes I’ve seen, but in terms of support for pupils? Much more time, money and training is spent on it now.

Mental health of young people is worsening all the time.

When I was in school if you were struggling for any reason you went to the sick bay.
If you were ill you stayed home and parents weren't harassed over attendance any where like now.
Those who struggled often left school early and started work.
It was understood that not all pupils would pass but that exams weren't important in x y z types of work so it didn't matter.

These days even working on the family farm young people have to pass exams where as years ago you learnt on the job and didn't need to do written exams. For some people the exam process is a barrier to jobs they should be excelling in

The constant testing, the constant grading when your a child failing short is awful and even if you are a child that does well the pressure of constant tests can send you over the edge.

When I was in school kids who struggled went to the remedial class and had targeted support. This just happened - there was no wait and see, they have to completely fail before we support the approach we have now.
If you struggled - you went to the special classroom - these days they may sit in the corridor with a TA but previously their was specialist teacher you went to in their own classroom with adaptions available.

Need a pen grip - it was provided now you have to wait to see several specialist before they will give a pen grip by which point you have gone past the point of the grip being effective as the child has developed and compensated and will now have life long issues. Which could have been avoided if the pen grip attachement was introduced early.

Pupils are stuck in a system that won't put support in place early (wait and see approach) followed by the they managed previously why support now (the lets gaslight and avoid support till it's too late approach) and finally (it's too late now as they can't undo the issue approach)

These days even working on the family farm young people have to pass exams where as years ago you learnt on the job and didn't need to do written exams. For some people the exam process is a barrier to jobs they should be excelling in
Are you suggesting childrens on farms shouldn’t be educated and given alternatives @Leftrightmiddle ?

Don't be ridiculous
It was an example of how a young person who struggled in school could excel in certain work environments in the past but now the over academic changes to everything has meant those young people have struggled and not been able to excel.

Farming was one example but there are other jobs which now need exams to be passed which in the past would have been assessed practically in the work place without a written exam needed.

Family farms have never, and do not now, require exams.

Actually - they do now. In order to purchase certain items for the farm or complete certain tasks on the farm you now need specific qualifications which include passing exams.
Without this you cant buy related items and can't do the work on the farm.

Neither does the food industry which is the biggest manufacturing industry in the UK. Good promotion and training prospects too if people want them including apprenticeships etc.

I’d like a bit of evidence for this to be honest. I know a fair few farmers and I can’t think of a situation where you would need a written, school exam (or any sort of exam) to buy something or to complete tasks on your family farm. If a farmer is employing someone that might be different, but that’s up to them, not schools.

A quick Google will show you what they need.
Not school exams but quals done in college.

But school exams do make a difference to courses again at college. And school difficulties does impact young people confidence with learning which impacts college.

To work on your dad’s farm? Doing general farm stuff? Google reveals nothing. Just home educate your children if you think it’s so toxic. It’s irrelevant to the point of the thread.

Don't be so obnoxious

To work as a farmer doing all farm tasks such as:
buying pesticides
Spraying pesticides
Operating specific machinery
Administration of certain medication to the farm animals

Things you may be able to do and in the past could do without qualifications (by being trained on the Job) but which you can now no longer do legally without the qualifications

FYI: I do home educate but unfortunately the school had already caused unbelievable damage to the child

No but I wouldn't organise a special end of year get together and exclude them. They'd be able to sue but more importantly it'd actually be bullying.
What does , 'there shouldn't be a risk?' Mean? You are getting 180 or so kids together in the evening. Risk comes with that whether or not it should. A proportion of them will be doing drugs. Some might be trying to have sex. Some will be likely to leave. You can't eliminate risk ever.

I’m not being obnoxious. I’m asking you to provide evidence that a farmer’s child can’t work in the family farm without school exams.

If the reward is a bonus and they don’t get the bonus they are excluded from the reward.

There's no reason they shouldn't have a reward- it's just not appropriate that it's a prom because it's a major event which for many only happens once and it's a clear part of the collective farewell. It's like literally saying - farewell to some and 'don't fare- well' to a small number.
Why not use a certificate? Or medals? There are loads of ways of recognising good behaviour.

Sex absolutely not on schools watch.

Drugs, very unlikely based on the supervision unless they've taken them before attending.

The risk, as in the child who has repeatedly got it wrong, repeatedly shown they are a risk, repeatedly ignored instructions and rules, should not be at prom.

They get the leavers assembly, shirt signing. They miss out on prom because they have proven that they can't follow instructions, the trust is gone.