My son sent a nude - will he be prosecuted? What happens now?

[MumOfOneB0y]

Hi,

My son is 15 and has just admitted to some stuff.

He met a girl online through his other friend (also 15). She asked his other friends (let's call him Joe) for a picture of his penis. Joe sent one. Joe then ended up (my son doesn't know how) with a picture of her breasts in a bra. She also asked my son (who she was at this point dating) for a picture of his penis. My son asked if he will get anything in return. She said he can see her breasts. They traded these nudes. My son deleted the photos (as per her request). But then she asked to see my son ejaculate and my son sent a video. He then asked if she would feel comfortable sending a picture of her butt in pants. She then responded with "my dad just saw that message on my watch". And my son asked what he said and apparently her dad was threatening to call my son and ask to speak to me. I would've been okay with this but now she is 'gohsting' my son and him and his friend are worried. We live in Leeds and this girl lives in Durham. What is going to happen? Please help!

Get him a new number. Delete hers so if it's a scam there's no way to contact him.

I don’t believe the person asking not one but multiple people for photos of their genitalia is likely to be a “young girl.” That was my point, not that it would suddenly be a entirely wholesome and reasonable request had it been made by a male.

How many females are into pics of penises?

I think sexting is rife amongst teenagers and most parents don’t know the half of what’s exchanged in either texts or photos.

In the OP’s son’s case it sounds highly likely to be a scam. But to suggest that girls who engage in what’s become common sexual behaviour amongst some young people are ‘grotty young ladies’ is rooted in views of both women and sex that I don’t happen to subscribe to.

Well I’m afraid I think anyone who solicits photos of genitals from online contacts is grotty. What would you call it?

So was I. Luckily the information isnt captured somewhere accessible to all for ever. Its only in the memories of some.

We are essentially letting kids into a room with guns, knives, sexual abuse, drugs etc.

Thats what we're doing when we give them phones and push the narrative that they need them and can use them responsbility. By the time your child has the conversation with you about what they have done, they've done it. and now everyone and his wife knows about it.

I’m so glad he told you, a friend of a friend has a truly tragic story with a similar beginning. Reassure him that you are 100% there for him, that being stupid isn’t insurmountable and that you still love him. Try not to terrify him as these people pray on fear.

The important thing is he told you and you can deal with it together. There are horrible people out there threatening horrible thing, hopefully he’s not identifiable and can say to them ‘well people won’t know it’s me’ if they threaten to share, Also it sounded very consensual if it is a girl.

And people can make comments and judge, we all talk about on line safety but we’ve all got carried away in real life and done things we regret, we just didn’t have the horrible thing now of things being recorded. Hope your son’s ok, tell him to try not to think about it, you’ll all get it sorted

This happened to a boy at my sons’ school and he took his life last year as he was too ashamed to reach out for help when the blackmail started.

OP, it’s so good your son has been able to talk to you about this.

Yes. The one good thing to come out of it is that the OP's son confided in her.

This was the case in my area some years back - a teenager jumped from the Forth Road Bridge:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/daniel-perry-suicide-teenage-blackmail-2172896

As long as he hasn’t forwarded on her pictures to anyone then he is unlikely to get into trouble. However, if he did then he could be investigated and charged with distributing indecent images. In Scotland the police are treating this more seriously to try and crack down on this.

Well done for your son telling you. There is lots of information online. https://www.childline.org.uk/searchpage/?query=Sexting

Also a safe space for your son to chat.

Because it's going to be so much better when you hand your 16 or 18 year old the 'forbidden fruit' of a smartphone and they make the same or worse mistakes then?

So much better to give them a smartphone with parental controls and oversight at 11 and carry out checks and have those learning moments and discussions.

Good luck trying that with a 16+

OP the great thing is that he has come to you and been open about it.

Agree. Tight supervision, tight controls, open conversation and plenty of phone free time.

I remember what happened to the children over overly strict parents when they arrived at university. So many went totally off the rails.

Parenting is very gradual letting go, we can't hold them tight then push them off a cliff edge when they hit 16

Plus teenagers are canny.

One of DD's friends has a parent who is a very vocal member of the SmartPhone Free Childhood cult and very proud her child has only ever had a brick phone and has never seen TikTok.

I know this child has had one of her friend's old iPhones since Y8 and has all the TikTok and YouTube accounts she could possibly desire. She just uses it on wifi. I am mainly impressed that she's managed to keep it secret and not get caught for over 3 years!

It’s probably not a 15 year old girl. This is classic sextortion and also not many 15 year old girls are out asking for dick pics. To be honest not many woman do either. I said not many by the way before someone replied they love them.

You need to take his phone and have a serious talk with him about sextortion also find out if his face is in the pic or anything identifying (weird birth mark, scar ext.)

Hopefully it will be okay and this will just be a minor bump in the road OP. He’s not the first boy to send his willy and won’t be the last.

I think it’s very unlikely that the police will get involved, let alone pursue a prosecution.

However, I would be very worried that there is no girl ant the other end of this and about the prospect of blackmail. You need to make sure your son keeps communicating with you about this and tells you if there is any hint of blackmail - from anyone. Children have taken their own lives over this issue. He needs to know you will help him through whatever happens - blackmail or disclosure.

Absolutely right - you will get through this and likely the police won't get involved. What's valuable is that you and your son were able to talk about this

First of all I think you should give yourself a huge pat on the back you have developed such a positive relationship with your son that he can share this with you and seek your help.
I hope he does not have his face in the video or photo.
2nd I would see advice from the police I am guessing its a scammer and what they can do to both support your son and stop the scammer hurting other children is the direction to go.

The most important thing is that you do not, even indirectly, blame, shame or punish him for this. That includes by taking his phone. The fact he's come to you is important- don't let him down.

There's a lot of hysteria around this issue but, whilst sending nudes is inadvisable, it's very age appropriate for teens to be curious about each other's bodies.

If you suspect sextortion then it's even more important for you to keep the lines of communication open.

There's level headed advice here: www.ceopeducation.co.uk/11_18/lets-talk-about/nudes/sending-nudes/

Police threatened prosecution to my sd but it never happened. Be hyper vigilant on what happens next as we are at the end of a traumatic time and a young life ruined, although reading here not as ruined as those who couldn’t continue. You’ve clearly brought him up well and have a relationship that’s close enough for him to come to you, keep that going and your support

That was really irresponsible of them and I'd consider making a complaint.

My DS fell for a scam like this. He’s an intelligent young man and has been warned countless times about stuff like this, but one silly night he took the bait.

He messaged the family WhatsApp to say if you get a video please don’t open jt, and apologising for being so silly. Luckily he didn’t give them money or hide it and let the worry eat him up. Within a couple of days it was all forgotten but he learned a very important lesson!

Just make sure your DS doesn’t respond to any threats to share and maybe warn anyone close to him, just in case the videos do surface. At least he told you, that’s a good sign that he won’t let ‘shame’ derail him.

So much better to give them a smartphone with parental controls and oversight at 11 and carry out checks and have those learning moments and discussions.

There is a thread at the moment where a poster has discovered her 11 year old daughter has been having conversations with a paedophile. The police are involved. She thought her 11 year old knew all the rules and could be trusted.

What should happen next is you remove his access to phone as he has presumably broken every rule and boundary you have in place. How on earth did he think it was ok to ask a “girl” for pics of her private parts?!

You need to get yourself access to a parenting course in online safety and one for your son. Many many people are sleepwalking through this phase of teens with smart phones. You cant change what has happened already but you can prevent it (or worse) happening again.

Then, if you haven’t already, watch Adolescence and count yourself lucky this is where it has (hopefully) ended.

Also contact his friends parents and let them know what the boys have been exposed to.

If it's as he said, consensual and not unsolicited, the police likely won't take much interest in a dad's complaints at that age. That's as long as there's no hint that he tried to coerce her. I initially wasn't sure about the wanting to know what he could have in return part, but then the asking if she would be comfortable with that next part seems quite specific.

Odd that you seem to think they've both dated her from a distance and are okay with this. They've never met whoever it is and need to realise they've been extremely stupid in sharing their own images at all, as these are out of their control now and there's no reason to trust whoever has them.