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Secondary education

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Original poster

Do we pull DD out of her show to focus on GCSEs?

156 replies

AreolaGrande · 13/03/2025 06:50

Background: DD is super bright and a bit of a procrastinator. She has never had to put her foot fully to the floor to get high marks before.

She is heartset on going to a local outstanding 6th form college and knows the required grades for getting in.

One of her teachers rang us last night to tell us that she has got a 7 rather than the predicted 9 in her Biology mock. DD thought she'd done much better than this. This is the first result from these mocks. Teacher rang to give us the chance to tell DD so she didn't feel ambushed finding out at school today.

Had a gentle but firm come to Jesus talk with DD where she admitted she's been complacent/not been revising as thoroughly as she should be.

She is part of musical theatre club at school and adores it (although no plans to follow this career wise) and has been cast in the lead role for their show in the summer. Rehearsals x twice midweek plus a Saturday.

I don't want to take this away from her but I feel that is too much time when she needs to be prioritising her studies?

DD is of course horrified at this suggestion and had vowed to knuckle down as of now.

Are we.being too reactionary/harsh?

Obviously only one grade has come back so far but DD admits she thinks the rest will be lower than predicted.

OP posts:
GoldfinchesInTheTree · 13/03/2025 06:53

Let me rephrase this just so you can see an alternative perspective...

You're frustrated with your daughter for getting what was an A - which is a very good grade. And want to take away a loved activity that will provide much needed exercise and stress relief as well as time with friends while revising for the very stressful gcses...

user1471530109 · 13/03/2025 06:54

Mock results will give her the kick up the bum. She sounds a good kid who knows she needs to do more.
Don't take away the group. She needs that time away from studying.

Rocknrollstar · 13/03/2025 06:55

I worked every Saturday while studying for my school exams and had a social life. She just has to make the most of the time she has available.

GoldfinchesInTheTree · 13/03/2025 06:55

Please don't make her feel shame or feel bad for results. Gcses are very stressful time and balancing a lot at once is hard. Please support her and tell her how good an A is and let her know you're on her side. Anxiety about letting parents down or somehow feeling a "failure" can stay with children for life. And when she's getting 7s which is very good anyway that way madness lies.

ShinyClouds · 13/03/2025 06:56

I wouldn’t stop her from being in the show. It’s also a good thing for her education and development and for her applications in future. I think it would be harsh, and possibly counterproductive

Hopefully she’s got a fright with the result(s) and now realises she’s actually going to have to work for the grades she needs, for her chosen college

BrownPapery · 13/03/2025 06:56

No don’t do this. She has time to revise and do the show. If she’s not revising it’s not due to lack of time and taking the show away won’t help- if anything it will just make her sad and unmotivated.

I would talk seriously together about how she’s going to plan her time and support her to make it work.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/03/2025 06:56

It would be counterproductive to punish her by taking this achievement away from her.

SwayzeM · 13/03/2025 06:57

I'd let her continue with her group. She's had the wake up call. There may be down time in her rehearsals where she can do some studying. That's what my dd did and her friends did.

redphonecase · 13/03/2025 06:57

She needs to decide. But GCSE year kids usually wind down activities from about now.

GoldfinchesInTheTree · 13/03/2025 06:57

I also think schools currently (dueto the system they're in) place insane expectations on kids sometimes. I mark exams and the very high grades require a lot of precision learning these days. Repeat for every subject and I'm not even sure what we're achieving.

But 7s are As in old money and are very very good.

Tiswa · 13/03/2025 06:57

Yes leave it to her to manage this and the school

plus what are the grades even DD grammar sets the mark for the subject as being a 7 I haven’t heard anywhere insist on anything above that (and that is just for the subject)

parietal · 13/03/2025 06:58

Don't take away the show.

Help her develop good study habits - set homework times with now distractions, revision cards, practice papers etc.

Learning to study well is a skill and if you support her in that, it will have a far better impact than cancelling things.

GrammarTeacher · 13/03/2025 06:58

AreolaGrande · 13/03/2025 06:50

Background: DD is super bright and a bit of a procrastinator. She has never had to put her foot fully to the floor to get high marks before.

She is heartset on going to a local outstanding 6th form college and knows the required grades for getting in.

One of her teachers rang us last night to tell us that she has got a 7 rather than the predicted 9 in her Biology mock. DD thought she'd done much better than this. This is the first result from these mocks. Teacher rang to give us the chance to tell DD so she didn't feel ambushed finding out at school today.

Had a gentle but firm come to Jesus talk with DD where she admitted she's been complacent/not been revising as thoroughly as she should be.

She is part of musical theatre club at school and adores it (although no plans to follow this career wise) and has been cast in the lead role for their show in the summer. Rehearsals x twice midweek plus a Saturday.

I don't want to take this away from her but I feel that is too much time when she needs to be prioritising her studies?

DD is of course horrified at this suggestion and had vowed to knuckle down as of now.

Are we.being too reactionary/harsh?

Obviously only one grade has come back so far but DD admits she thinks the rest will be lower than predicted.

My parents did this to me in Year 11. Completely unsurprisingly it did not have the desired effect. I was bitter. And did perhaps even less work in the subjects that led to this decision. As a result I have a rather spiky set of results (and yes, highly academic and at one of the best state schools in the country). I’d already had the punishment (removal from show) so where was the incentive to change my behaviour!

Wardrobegoblin · 13/03/2025 06:58

No don’t stop her doing the play.
if she wants to go to the sixth form she will be motivated to put more effort in now.
But 7 is still a great grade and if it were my child I’d rather she get 7s and have a balanced life than 9s and be miserable.

beAsensible1 · 13/03/2025 06:58

dont take it away but get her to set herself a realistic study schedule. And help her stick to it.

the point of mocks is to push you. So let them. If she wants 8/9s for college which I assume is for the uni/job pathway she needs to lock in.

yes 7s are fine but if they don’t get her to the place she wants and she is capable of getting higher she is underachieving. It’s ok to push young people to strive for the best. As long as she didn’t seem stressed or like she’s not coping encourage her push herself. If she can get a 9 she’s should be getting a 9.

parrotonmyshoulder · 13/03/2025 06:58

I think you and the school are putting ridiculous pressure on an already high achieving child, if you are encouraging her to see a 7 in a mock as a poor outcome.
Ringing you to tell you she ‘only’ got a 7!
You’re about to give us a ND drip feed, I’m sure, but NT or ND, the fact that she has such a great outlet as the lead role in a theatre show is probably the best thing in the end for her well being.

EmeraldDreams73 · 13/03/2025 06:58

My dd has always done lots of dance/drama shows and I was a bit concerned about how she'd manage it all. I think it depends on what she wants to do after school, but I wouldn't pull her out of the show personally. It'll be great for her and no bad thing to have an antidote to all the studying.

If she's aware she could do more and is vowing to knuckle down, I'd let her get on with it. Encourage her to manage her time as well as possible, and give her a chance to learn from a disappointment and turn it round for herself.

I'd feel differently if she was actually failing subjects, but unless she desperately needs 9s for her A levels, I'd let her do it. Mine rose to the challenge, did well at both, got loads out of the shows, and is proud of herself for how she handled it all.

Rumplestiltz · 13/03/2025 06:59

Is this a joke. Teacher rang so you could prep her for the devastation of a (lower, sure) A so she didn't feel ambushed. Sounds like she is going to need all the stress relief of her shows if this is the pressure put on her.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/03/2025 06:59

I’d have been devastated and so would most of my class tbh.
a 7 isn’t really an “A” if “A” is a synonym for top marks as it’s not a top mark 🤷🏻‍♀️
tis boresom, but tis thus…

she’s clearly a high achiever help her solidify that by providing a framework to support her vs punishing her

I would say you want her to achieve her potential and the show participation is contingent on making revision notes / extra study for an hour an evening (or whatever)
Eg 7 hrs per week total (basically she can use weekends)

if she only does 6 hrs I’d let her make the time up (limited to 1 week and 1 hr roll over only). I keep that to myself until the time comes….

that way you are motivating her to do more vs just punishing her

TwentyTwentyFive · 13/03/2025 06:59

School rang you on a Wednesday night to tell you your child got the equivalent of an A so you could prepare her for the disappointment...you're all acting like she's completely bombed her mock, she got a 7 for goodness sake.

Let the poor girl do her show and stop all thinking she's failing in life because she got a 7 in a mock biology test!

BendingSpoons · 13/03/2025 06:59

I think pulling her out the show would be counterproductive if she is resistant. I would spend time chatting with her about what she needs to do for school and making a plan. She might not really know how to study/revise effectively if she hasn't had to much before. The mocks may be a wake up call and if she puts the effort in and does it effectively she should bring her grades up. If she makes a decent plan with the time she has, she should pull her grades up.

I know this is a long time ago, but in my GCSE mocks I got 1 B, mostly As and 1 or 2 A-stars. I studied for my mocks but not hugely. For my real exams, I got all A-star apart from 1 subject. I continued living my life (in my case seeing my bf almost every evening). My dad was worried but I had it under control and would not have been happy with him banning me from going out.

GrammarTeacher · 13/03/2025 06:59

I should add that they didn’t make the same mistake with A Levels. I was in shows every term (in school, at the boys school and in my drama group). A level results were much better. I doubt it’s being in shows that is the problem.

Original poster
AreolaGrande · 13/03/2025 07:01

I'm not frustrated with her. I just want her to get the grades she needs to get into the college she has set her heart on going to.

We are fully supportive and DD knows this. We have a great relationship and she is under no pressure from us.

I don't want to take the show away from her. She loves performing and is crazy talented and I want to nurture that. Thank you for the perspective on that. Will let her keep going.

We're making a plan tonight for us to support more with revision and help her with a new revision plan.

Do you think it was odd or OTT of the teacher to ring in this situation? I think that caused us to panic a bit tbh.

OP posts:
GoldfinchesInTheTree · 13/03/2025 07:01

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/03/2025 06:59

I’d have been devastated and so would most of my class tbh.
a 7 isn’t really an “A” if “A” is a synonym for top marks as it’s not a top mark 🤷🏻‍♀️
tis boresom, but tis thus…

she’s clearly a high achiever help her solidify that by providing a framework to support her vs punishing her

I would say you want her to achieve her potential and the show participation is contingent on making revision notes / extra study for an hour an evening (or whatever)
Eg 7 hrs per week total (basically she can use weekends)

if she only does 6 hrs I’d let her make the time up (limited to 1 week and 1 hr roll over only). I keep that to myself until the time comes….

that way you are motivating her to do more vs just punishing her

Edited

Please dont do this. This is an insane amount of stress on top of what is already a stressful time and is teaching your child all the wrong things.

Our grammar school wouldn't put this pressure and is the highest achieving school in the area.

BrownPapery · 13/03/2025 07:02

I remember my old tutor at university saying she never worried about the people who were doing lots of sport or directing a play etc- activity breeds activity and they inevitably got their work done as well. She worried more about the people who were doing nothing, because they often didn’t work hard enough either.