Do we pull DD out of her show to focus on GCSEs?

[AreolaGrande]

Background: DD is super bright and a bit of a procrastinator. She has never had to put her foot fully to the floor to get high marks before.

She is heartset on going to a local outstanding 6th form college and knows the required grades for getting in.

One of her teachers rang us last night to tell us that she has got a 7 rather than the predicted 9 in her Biology mock. DD thought she'd done much better than this. This is the first result from these mocks. Teacher rang to give us the chance to tell DD so she didn't feel ambushed finding out at school today.

Had a gentle but firm come to Jesus talk with DD where she admitted she's been complacent/not been revising as thoroughly as she should be.

She is part of musical theatre club at school and adores it (although no plans to follow this career wise) and has been cast in the lead role for their show in the summer. Rehearsals x twice midweek plus a Saturday.

I don't want to take this away from her but I feel that is too much time when she needs to be prioritising her studies?

DD is of course horrified at this suggestion and had vowed to knuckle down as of now.

Are we.being too reactionary/harsh?

Obviously only one grade has come back so far but DD admits she thinks the rest will be lower than predicted.

A 7 is an A! No bloody wonder we have a MH crisis amongst young people if we're telling them they can't sing and dance because their A is not good enough.

Yes it’s odd. I teach at a very high achieving school and no way would we do that for a 7.
The students who join us at sixth form are all predicted 8s and 9s but they don’t all get them in everything. To do a subject at A level you need a 7 at my school. Unless your DD has previous for reacting badly to non- perfect scores there’s no need for this over a 7.

Yes it's really odd.

God no. Let her take that role and if she has the mindset to dig in she still will. She is clearly capable of getting where she needs but she is unlikely to transform into a different character and being the a level student who gets a grade lower and has a great time and does extra curricular is way more beneficial than the one chasing the top grades at the expense of a social life. She has had the chat so let her get on and find her balance.

This is part of the point of mocks, it's shown her that she needs to revise more than she thought. It's not just about how much time you spend either, you can't really stay focused for hours at a time and it is important to take breaks. School might give them some tips on revision (they may have already but they may have felt irrelevant to your DD if she felt she would be fine anyway). Don't take away the show (unless she herself feels it's too much) - she needs some fun time as well.

No she doesn't have previous @GrammarTeacher. It's a fairly normal school and she's one of the brighter kids in her year and is used to doing well. I think it was well intended but it has definitely caused us to panic a bit.

It was completely OTT of the teacher IMO. Is DD a perfectionist and how do you think she would have taken the news at school?

Please don't.

That's not an excessive amount of time doing something she enjoys and it's important to have hobbies.

My ds is a swimmer. We've had swimmers get high gcses and a levels and good to study medicine whilst training a LOT more than 3 times a week!

She needs to use the time when she's not at drama more wisely - bit sounds like she's mature enough to have recognised that when things are easy that work ethic doesn't come naturally and you sometimes learn that later than your peers.

@kitchenhelprequired DD would definitely have been upset at finding out in school but not outwardly. She is a quiet and studious girl (when she's not belting on stage ☺️).

Am off to work. Thanks for the input it's been really helpful.

We will let her stay in the show and just try and up our support. She's an amazing kid and she knows how much she is loved and supported. We just want to get her through the next few months as painlessly as possible and for her to achieve what she wants to.

What?
this was literally what we all did…from around / before Easter to end of exams.
i went to a top 10 uk school. Approx 50% of my year went to oxbridge.

high achievers aren’t special- they work harder.

it equates to a couple of hours extra weekdays usually 20mins making revision notes on the bus to school (which is low effort copying) and a weekend morning.

that said I just remembered I cried on results day because I got 5 A and 5 As and all my friends got straight As 😅😅😅
But I earn more than most of them now so it all worked out in the end

I'm really concerned that you/school are inadvertently giving her the message than an A is a failure. If she gets all 7s in her gcses (which would be very good - all As) is she now going to feel she's failed and her parents agree?

Downtime is important.

Im surprised the school has a big show in the summer involving Yr11s though... they do it at Christmas at DDs school with smaller productions in the other terms. Not just because of rehearsals but because of how tiring the Performance week is.

Does your daughter have other school or performance issues going on already? As someone who works in a secondary school and has 3 kids in secondary school, 2 of them in a grammar school. I can't not imagine why a school would phone you to warn your daughter in advance that she got a 7 in a mock because she might perceive it as such a terrible thing. I'd be concerned that a school seems to think a 7 bad grade, surely they should be saying well done, a 7s great, what can we do to support you to raise it to an 8 or a 9. Phone call home to warn her of a 7 seems very excessive and strange.

It's only a mock, that she admits she didn't work as hard as she could She got a 7 which is an old A. I'm not really seeing the issue here.
What grades does she need to get in to the 6th form college? I've never heard of anywhere asking for 9s to study A level. Even our local grammars only ask for 7s in the subject you want to study.

I would not pull her out of extra curriculars that she enjoys. Sounds like she knows what she needs to do, is capable of both studying and theatre. She can't study all the time and needs a break and something to look forward to.

No. Do not take her out.

Does the 6th form require 9s?
That's unusual.
When you say your DD would feel ambushed hearing in class, what does that mean? To have a teacher call about a lower than expected result seems quite unusual and I would have got quite a few phone calls these last few months

I was speaking specifically about making each weeks rehearsal contingent int hat weeks revision. She's part of a play and knowing that at any time she could be pulled from the play and let everyone down is a huge additional pressure on top of the revision pressure.

Its completely unnecessary. And no I don't beleuev all your friends were on tenterhooks every week feeling they might be pulled from a play on top of the normal pressure to revise..

Any yes crying because you "only" got all As is exactly what we're trying to avoid here.

(ex Grammar teacher and now teaching mental health related work...)

This is what I was trying to say but goldfinches worded it so much better.

I wouldn't stop her from doing the play. Taking away activities that she uses to let off steam and have some leisure time isn't likely to positively affect her motivation to study or improve her marks.

A very bright child sailing through school then getting lower GCSE mock grades than they 'should' - and that coming as a horrendous shock to the child who's never had to really try before and wasn't expecting it - is fairly common ime.

I've been through it with two dc plus seen it with a couple of their friends. A all the way through school, A* predicted GCSE's, B grade mocks causing devastation to the child who's never had a B before.

Mocks are so important in giving dc a reality check...I reckon they're probably marked quite 'harshly' too to make sure it's the case. Don't pull her out of the things she loves. The reality check will probably be effective enough.

My son was getting 5, 6, 7s at this stage - mock results made him realise he needed to pull his finger out and ended up with all 8s and 9s.

Be glad she has done poorly now - if she had done well after coasting she would have continued to coast. She's apply herself now.

I seem to be in a minority but if all 3 rehearsals are evening and weekends I wouldn’t want my child doing that amount of time on one extra curriculum at this point in y11 that could easily be picked up again in y12. GCSEs are only two months away and I would focus on them at this point.

That said you need to make a call now of in or out. Having it as a threat against her and frankly the production to pull her out would not be wise.

Of course messaging has to be carefully handled in whether a 7 is good but the key point is that as a bright girl due to not working hard she is underperforming against what SHE personally should be able to achieve and I don’t think sugar coating that too much helps.

mine continued with their sport and some socialising during their exams. It can’t all be about studying, they need a mixture for their mental health and well being.

And a 7 is a great result!

Ds is in GCSE year. Yesterday he travelled two hours with the school to take part in a regional event (debating), right in the middle of the mocks! He will he will be in the final some time in April (it takes loads of preparation). He's in a football club, training once a week, matches every weekend. He also goes to the gym twice a week, and does after school swim training once a week. We haven't asked him to give up any of those, he loves them all and it's good for his mental and physical health.

His results will be a very mixed bag I suspect, but he is working steadily.

I sailed competitively both days each weekend and Wednesday evenings, running up to my exams. I worked hard in the evenings though.

Children need something else to do/think about apart from constant revision! 2 evenings and a weekend doesn’t sound too bad to be honest!