Do we pull DD out of her show to focus on GCSEs?

[AreolaGrande]

Background: DD is super bright and a bit of a procrastinator. She has never had to put her foot fully to the floor to get high marks before.

She is heartset on going to a local outstanding 6th form college and knows the required grades for getting in.

One of her teachers rang us last night to tell us that she has got a 7 rather than the predicted 9 in her Biology mock. DD thought she'd done much better than this. This is the first result from these mocks. Teacher rang to give us the chance to tell DD so she didn't feel ambushed finding out at school today.

Had a gentle but firm come to Jesus talk with DD where she admitted she's been complacent/not been revising as thoroughly as she should be.

She is part of musical theatre club at school and adores it (although no plans to follow this career wise) and has been cast in the lead role for their show in the summer. Rehearsals x twice midweek plus a Saturday.

I don't want to take this away from her but I feel that is too much time when she needs to be prioritising her studies?

DD is of course horrified at this suggestion and had vowed to knuckle down as of now.

Are we.being too reactionary/harsh?

Obviously only one grade has come back so far but DD admits she thinks the rest will be lower than predicted.

A 7 isn’t good enough though if she is capable of better and isn’t working hard enough.

@madamweb What grades does she need for her chosen 6th form?

While you are planning, don't forget procrastinators benefit from chunking the work, plan to do several bite size bits and take regular breaks and reward yourself by ticking things off. They also benefit, counterintuitively, from lowering their standards - perfectionism causes procrastination, because it's exhausting, effortful and ultimately unachievable, so aiming for productivity and good work but cutting a few corners and making yourself stop at the allotted time rather than pull an all nighter makes it easier to start each study sesh and increases performance.

While I broadly agree I would much rather see my chilled out DS coasting towards 7's when he is capable of more than my stressed DD freaking out at the mere thought of an 8 rather than a 9.
While we want our DC to achieve we should also want them to be happy and enjoy been a teenager with extra curriculars and friends etc

Yes people are lining up to ‘promote mediocrity’ 🙄 or maybe they are really promoting balance as actually applying more external pressure can be counterproductive.

Exams are important but they are not the be all and end all of life & a 7 in a mock certainty should not result in a verbal whipping or sanctions. If she wants to & can achieve more then a productive conversation on how best to support that alongside a good look at the paper to identify areas to focus on is the most useful approach. ‘You are not working hard enough, work harder and my approval is conditional on that’ is a terrible message from a parent when there child IS working hard.

Good enough for whom?

she should be doing 2.5-3 hours a night at this stage and more at weekends (4-5 hours a day)

For GCSEs? Christ.

I was a nerdy kid at school. Still had a lead role in the drama production during my A level year. I remember more of that than I do of Tacitus or organic chemistry.

Isn’t good enough for you perhaps, you DC must feel severe pressure.

You would have hated parenting me. Mediocre GCSEs then working, matured & realised what I wanted to do, first class desgree then postgrads at redbricks, work at Oxbridge. Thankfully my parents didn’t put unreasonable expectations on me but celebrated, supported and, when necessary, commiserated with me along the way. Sometimes as a parent it’s better to play the long game & not expect or demand perfection.

And parenting me and parenting DD who certainly doesn’t do all of that and frankly doesn’t want to entertain the idea of Oxbridge! Good enough is personal not parentally driven.

and this thread again is a reminder of how awful the new numbering system is

*Typo degree should wear my glasses!

Severe pressure isn’t required. My DC are expected to work hard and achieve the best they can in all areas of life. If that means a 5, so be it.

However, I wouldn’t be happy with them being lazy and settling for a 7 when a 9 is achievable.

The DC’s school gets great GCSE results and is clear that all year 11s should be doing at least 3 hours of work a night and 5 hours a day at weekends in the few weeks before GCSEs.

Any DC not doing this has no right to complain about their results. It is still perfectly possible to maintain balance while doing this.

Oh no don’t take the performance away, it’ll be her outlet and her happiness and will encourage her with school work/life goals.
she got an A in biology, in a mock! Worse things have happened and she’ll know what areas to focus on now. Lots of carrots here and not sticks.

That's categorically not true and I'm not sure where you've made that up from.

Most of my year went on to Oxbridge or to study medicine or law at a red brick and the ones without hobbies, despite their straight A records, really struggled to get places on those competitive courses.

Dentistry students were also asked about hobbies requiring manual dexterity in particular; musical instruments, needlework, that sort of thing.

I think the teachers a overly harsh with mock marking to give kids a kick up the bum and a fright.

Hard enough for who?

If she's satisfied with a 7, who is her Mum to tell her it's not good enough?

Why would she want to give up her passions and spend 2.5 hours a night working so she can tick someone else's box about being "good enough"?

Every DC should be working as hard as possible to get the best GCSE grades they are capable of- whether that be 5s or 9s.

Accepting a 7 as ‘good enough’ when a student is capable of better is tolerating laziness and mediocrity, which does no one any good.

I agree to a point but you are only 16 once, there should be room for fun as well and if that means a perfectly good 7 rather than a 9 then thats fine

They also bell curve as do GCSEs it causes issues at DDs Grammar as they often limit 9 to a top couple of marks or a small percentage similar to gcse but probably not the same grade boundaries

@SeaSwim5 but working all hours isn’t a feasible way to get through life either. Accepting your own limitations is fine. And the problem is we don’t know if the OP DD is capable of if thau is how the essay was marked

DD has friends who have really punishments for grtting 7s even though the grade boundaries are tough - made to work in their rooms all weekends with little breaks. It has massively put her off the sixth form

No one is advocating working all hours. It is perfectly possible to work hard for GCSEs and also have plenty of tome for other thing.

Your DD’s friends’ parents are wrong to give them into trouble if a 7 is what they are capable of. However, it seems perfectly reasonable to punish them if they are lazing about and not working hard to reach their potential.

I think there are many reasons for accepting 'good enough', not just laziness and mediocrity.
My son's grades will be good enough. Compared to the raft of summer exams fails, this is a good goal.
He feels ambivalent towards school. This cohort started secondary during lockdown; the first two years of their secondary education were pretty crappy.
Any reason to close the school and it was his year that stayed at home so they could focus on the new year 7s or the exams years (10, 11 and 13). They also ensured the exam years got the best teachers, so he has supply after supply and presented with a powerpoint. They've got to year 11 and thought "shit....we'd better throw all the resources at this year group". He had come on in leaps and bounds having an interested, qualified & experienced stats teacher this year. It's too late though.
He does not feel motivated to fill the huge gaps by spending all his time revising (and in some cases...actually learning because they have not covered all the material). I support him, but it has to come from him. It's just me and him at home. If our relationship breaks down we're a bit stuck.

It is definitely a case of getting what he needs to take the next step. I really want him to find a love of learning and I hope he gets what he needs to sit A levels.

All GCSEs are is a tick box pathway to the next round. Her passion for performing arts is something that can bring her joy and solace all her life.

An A is a cracking grade.

I am surprised a teacher expressed concern. But I guess it depends on the school.

My yr11's teachers were super happy with his 7s at mocks and - although they obviously want him to pick up more marks where possible (and say that most students do) - it's more than enough for the outstanding 6th form college he is set on.

Please don't take what she loves away. It doesn't really encourage the idea that learning should be rewarding and enjoyable.

GCSEs are punishment enough at 16, in my view!

Not; she would resent you and do worse. She knows what she needs to do to improve her marks hopefully

Why on earth would you be surprised at teachers expressing concern about a student not achieving what they’re capable of?

Teachers’ role is to help their classes achieve to the best of their abilities. I’m pretty sure you’d expect a teacher to be calling home if a DC capable of a 5 was arsing about and getting 3s?

Why should DC who are bright but lazy be allowed to not try their best?

One slip up and you want to pull away something she loves?