Do we pull DD out of her show to focus on GCSEs?

[AreolaGrande]

Background: DD is super bright and a bit of a procrastinator. She has never had to put her foot fully to the floor to get high marks before.

She is heartset on going to a local outstanding 6th form college and knows the required grades for getting in.

One of her teachers rang us last night to tell us that she has got a 7 rather than the predicted 9 in her Biology mock. DD thought she'd done much better than this. This is the first result from these mocks. Teacher rang to give us the chance to tell DD so she didn't feel ambushed finding out at school today.

Had a gentle but firm come to Jesus talk with DD where she admitted she's been complacent/not been revising as thoroughly as she should be.

She is part of musical theatre club at school and adores it (although no plans to follow this career wise) and has been cast in the lead role for their show in the summer. Rehearsals x twice midweek plus a Saturday.

I don't want to take this away from her but I feel that is too much time when she needs to be prioritising her studies?

DD is of course horrified at this suggestion and had vowed to knuckle down as of now.

Are we.being too reactionary/harsh?

Obviously only one grade has come back so far but DD admits she thinks the rest will be lower than predicted.

What difference will it really make if she gets a few 7s instead of 9s? If the college she wants to go to requires straight 9s then that is quite an insane requirement!

Meanwhile, withdrawing her from the thing she's passionate about will have a massive impact on her wellbeing.

Bear in mind that when she comes to university applications, they don't just look for top grades; they want young people with interests who can demonstrate soft skills, such as team work, commitment and confidence.

In some ways if you are prone to procrastinating the worse thing you can have is the luxury of time.

It gives you the opportunity to put things off and faff about.

Learning to utilise the time she has available effectively is an important life skill.

She's got the lead. That's big. She'll gain a lot from that.

Teach her effective revision strategies. I never understood people spending loads of hours doing it. There's only so much that will go in.

I condensed my notes as reminders and did it this way. I also found going to bed early before exams and getting up early more effective. I could sleep because I knew I still had time and that last minute look over really helped. Never understood the 'i was up til 4am' lot. Go to bed at 10, get up at 5.30 properly refreshed.

Most year 11s do pull back on the extra curricular in the run up to exams.

I'm slightly surprised the club cast a year 11 as they have a high chance to getting overwhelmed and pulling out, however given that she has been cast and she wants to do it I wouldn't be taking it away.

You'll need to watch very carefully for exhaustion and anxiety though. Gcse exams are absolutely exhausting and there aren't many kids that keep up a full schedule through them.

Presumably there are other options if she doesn't get the stellar grades that she wants for the sixth form she wants to go to.

It's much better for children to keep doing the activities they enjoy.

Revision done effectively shouldn't take all day. Far better to do focussed revision and then get on and enjoy life.

GCSEs shouldn't be to the detriment of their physical or mental health.

(I got straight A's , two first class degrees - I never worked more than a 9-5 day with a lunch break and kept up a very active sport that required at least 1.5 days a week of my time, often more)

GCSEs should be about three things - getting the grades you need for the next stage; building good attitudes and habits around learning and organisational skills; and practicing the stress of exams.

Getting 9s in GCSEs matters to very, very few students in terms of their future careers, and so it should be. These are 15/16 year old children. It would be madness to think that their arbitrary academic achievements, or lack of, at that age is a robust measure of their adult potential.

What does she need to get for the 6th form?

Exactly, and even if they do get straight As, as an employer I would want to see that they had done more with their life than just study and revise. Even in a very academic career, academic skills are only part of the skillset needed to be successful in a work place. Hobbies like performance that show the ability to work as a team, to take direction, to practice and perfect, to think on your feet, to show commitment, are exactly the kind of things I want to see on a CV.

With DD I let her carry in her extras, but let her slack on any household stuff and we made sure we could run her t classes and such - not waking / bus etc - facilitate her as much as we could - the activity -was so physical and mentally useful

She’ll be fine. Let her have her show.
Mock exams exist primarily to give kids a kick up the arse.

Yes this is what we do with DD , once a show is over she has to pick the chores back up though!

I think you need to put ownership of GCSEs and revision on to her. She is 16 after all.

Does she want to do really well at GCSE?

Or, would she be happy to do pretty well - lots of 7s - but clearly below what she could achieve if she worked for it.

Ask her to imagine results day, and imagine opening envelope with mostly 9s as against opening an envelope with mainly 7s.

It is really her choice.

If actually she is not that bothered about getting lots of 7s, that is up to her.

If she wants to do really well, she will have to use her time well to work hard. As part of that she will need to factor in her show. Clearly its a great thing to do. But if she also wants to do really well at GCSE, she will have to work extra hard to fit it all in. Again, her decision. Can she "afford" the "cost" that the show represents in terms of time when set against her other goal (to do well at GCSE).

If you just "tell" her she can't do her show, you remove ownership of the issue and the chance for a mature acceptance of reality - if you want x, then you have to do y, and make a, b and c compromises along the way.

You can say that your view, as someone older and with more experience, would be that it would be best to aim as high as she can at GSCE. It will give her more options. And she will be proud that she has met her potential. But that this is your advice only, and at the end of the day it is for her to make a decision.

No, your DD doesn't need to do less of her hobbies, she needs to be supported to work out how to make best use of the remaining free time to revise effectively and work towards the grades she wants.

I think it's healthy for teenagers to have interests that aren't academic whether that's hanging out with friends, doing a sport, something creative, a weekend job etc. as it helps them to create a bit of balance in their life. If exams don't go as hoped but they've dedicated all their time and energy to exam prep, what message is that giving them? That even their best isn't good enough? If exams don't go well but in the meantime they have maintained friendships, continued with their hobby etc. then they still have something positive from that time. Too much is made of GCSEs. Yes, lots of life is more straightforward if a student has a clutch of GCSEs including English and maths but life isn't over for those who don't finish Y11 with 5+ GCSEs. The hype and hysteria over GCSEs doesn't do our teens any good; it's no wonder so many of them deal in absolutes and/or struggle with their mental health when the adults around them have lost all perspective as to the value of exams taken at 16.

Thanks for the further input. It's been really helpful to read everyone's posts and my head is now suitably wobbled 🙂

To clarify a few things

1: It's not a private school just a fairly bog standard comp/academy (so I do think teachers behaviour was odd).

2: DD is not expected to do chores over and above keeping her room tidy and putting away her clean laundry. She is given lifts to and from school 4 days a week and provided with regular brews and snacks while she studies. We encourage her to take breaks and to go see friends (although her friend group does seem to prefer spending time together virtually rather than irl which I find really odd and makes me sad but hey that's a whole other thread) and regularly watch tv and chill together as a family.

Have just taken her for coffee, cake and a chat and we are all good. Thanks again.

Post GCSEs it would probably be a good idea to nudge her towards doing more chores /prepping her own snacks. Much as it's lovely to be bothered (and good at exam time) I was shocked when moving into a house share in my second year of university (we lived in college in the first year) to discover half my house mates could barely turn the oven on or use a washing machine

@MrsSunshine2b Universities don't care about what else you do outside of the subject you apply for. They don't look for any skills outside the ones for the subject. Most just want suitable A level subjects and grades.

However a few do consider GCSE grades: definitely Oxford and Bristol. Therefore don't assume GCSEs are just to get dc into a 6th form. Some dc should be wanting better grades than the bare minimum.

It's definitely better to have some hobbies on the go. They usually stop for the exam season. DC are not having lessons and probably not in school, DC should have some release from study and relaxation.

I disagree with some of the posts here that promote mediocrity. I think all DC should be expected to work hard and achieve the best grades they are capable of- whether that is a 5 or a 9.

Clearly your DD hasn’t been working hard enough. I would only allow her to continue the show if she agrees to an organised revision schedule- she should be doing 2.5-3 hours a night at this stage and more at weekends (4-5 hours a day).

It's not about promoting mediocrity. It's about realising that life success is about more than academic success (I have a string of glittering grades but my hobbies have contributed as much if not more to my career success due to the skills they gave me). And it's also about realising you can do too much revision. At GCSE, A level and university I got top grades by working smarter not harder. Our brains need downtime too and we need to make sure our revision is a effective revision. It's about what you do, not how long you sit at your desk.

I saw friends put in crazy hours revising and be burnt out by the time they walked into the exam room. Of course I was going to do better than them, I felt fresh and ready to really read and answer the questions in front of me. I never did last minute cramming and I never did long hours. It's fruitless to overwork.

I agree that life is about more than academic success. However, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Ime many of those who get top grades are also driven in other areas of life, such as sport and arts. They work hard to get top grades but also take part in other activities. What that means is that they have less time for tiktok and Xbox.

In contrast, a lot of students who are happy with mediocre grades are too lazy to do other activities and want to spend all their time on screens.

Ime many of those who get top grades are also driven in other areas of life, such as sport and arts. They work hard to get top grades but also take part in other activities.

Which is exactly the kind of student being discussed here. She is able to get high grades and a key role in a theatre production at the same time.

She is not working as hard as she could be on academics though if she is capable of 9s but is only getting 7s.

Oh I absolutely agree. I managed to do a sport at a high level (including lots of travelling) and get a first. Meanwhile some of my housemates just festered in front of the TV for days on end.

It's perfectly possible to manage both, it's about making sure revision is effective and efficient not spending endless hours at a desk

Sometimes that's about learning the exam technique not putting in longer hours making flash cards though.

I didn't work harder to get a first/A* s, I just worked out what they wanted from me in the exam. The difference often isn't more knowledge, it's a better quality answer.

Help her with a revision timetable that fits around her drama commitments. Being the lead in this show will stay with her for life and is likely to feed her out-of-work activities which will bring her joy.

In any case, I don't think as the lead, she can really pull out!

This 👆