Do we pull DD out of her show to focus on GCSEs?

[AreolaGrande]

Background: DD is super bright and a bit of a procrastinator. She has never had to put her foot fully to the floor to get high marks before.

She is heartset on going to a local outstanding 6th form college and knows the required grades for getting in.

One of her teachers rang us last night to tell us that she has got a 7 rather than the predicted 9 in her Biology mock. DD thought she'd done much better than this. This is the first result from these mocks. Teacher rang to give us the chance to tell DD so she didn't feel ambushed finding out at school today.

Had a gentle but firm come to Jesus talk with DD where she admitted she's been complacent/not been revising as thoroughly as she should be.

She is part of musical theatre club at school and adores it (although no plans to follow this career wise) and has been cast in the lead role for their show in the summer. Rehearsals x twice midweek plus a Saturday.

I don't want to take this away from her but I feel that is too much time when she needs to be prioritising her studies?

DD is of course horrified at this suggestion and had vowed to knuckle down as of now.

Are we.being too reactionary/harsh?

Obviously only one grade has come back so far but DD admits she thinks the rest will be lower than predicted.

Why on earth would you be surprised at teachers expressing concern about a student not achieving what they’re capable of?

I think they are referring to the fact the teacher phoned home so that OP's DD didn't hear about her 7 in front of the class. If teachers phoned parents for every child not achieving their potential....well they'd not get a lot else done, would they?!

The problem with taking a half-assed approach to GCSEs is that it doesn’t built the good habits and work ethic necessary for A levels and beyond.

A 7 at GCSE is equivalent to a B or C in that subject at A level.

A student who has pushed themselves and worked really hard to get that 7 is likely to do much better at A level as they have the skills and self-discipline required.

Please don't pull her out of the shower.
Exam time can be very stressful and I have seen too many young people burn out and become ill because of the pressure that they are living under. This will give her a healthy outlet for her stress.
You can ask her teachers to contact you if she is not putting the work in.

@SeaSwim5 its not been established at all whether the child in question is bright but lazy. In GCSE biology laziness probably doesn’t come into it as she knew enough to secure a 7. Maybe there were other factors at play? Exam technique or pacing study equally across several exams, maybe she’d done another mock that day and was fatigued, maybe she had a headache?Why are you so insistent that it’s laziness on her part? One of the reasons for mocks is exactly this, to try and identify potential pitfalls. The teacher rang because they thought the dc may be disappointed not to lampoon her efforts. It was the call that surprised the OP not necessarily the grade. To be honest I would be surprised to receive a call at that level unless it was to specifically identify an area to improve on & even then with a top performing student I would expect that conversation to be between teacher and pupil not via their mum.

@MrsSunshine2b You are wrong and out of date. Look at current admissions info. Just because people multi task doesn’t mean that got most of your year into medicine or Oxford. That’s highly doubtful anyway. Oxford look at GCSE profile and Bristol do for many courses where it’s 20% of the profile. No one cares if you have grade 8 on the flute or play tennis if you apply for a history degree. What they want to know is whether your academic success is suitable and you have the attributes which support your history application.

Where does that end? Someone getting 5s could work 6 hours every night and get 9s. It's not up to you to "tolerate laziness" or not, your DC will be who they are. You can harass them and push them at 15 but eventually they will move out and there'll be nothing you can do about them choosing to work hard or not at University. Their personality is determined already and pushy mums don't make self-motivated kids.

Oh OK, so they no longer have to write a personal statement or attend an interview to demonstrate their personality and interests? Grade 5 and above musical instruments no longer carry UCAS points? Got it.

Her teacher provided you with the grades because there are vast numbers of teens who get this sort of result out of proportion. She's giving you the chance to pre-empt disappointment if you feel your dd will be upset.

On the decision, surely your dd is old enough to decide.

If she spends her spring rehearsing, she won't be revising. If, on current performance, that means she won't make the required grades then her choice is clear.

• Give up the show, revise and get into the college she wants
• Carry on with the show, get lower grades and risk losing her place.

It's time for her to grow up and take her own decisions.

Well yes. We all know this is true, however 15 and 16 year olds are not known for looking at the long picture or making sensible decisions.
Most post-16 courses allow students to settle in; for some it will be a massive adjustment and they will manage, others will find it too much, others will sail through because they've got the maturity.
If a 15 year old has the self-discipline and maturity to push themselves, then that's great. If they don't....then what?

Don’t know anyone that is continuing full on activity / job now. It’s all about the GCSEs. Plenty of time for Saturday jobs / extra curricular after 24th June.

Which is exactly why personal support/guidance/gentle pushing is necessary.

It ends at a reasonable point that I think most people would recognise. Clearly 6 hours of revision every night is not a sensible approach for anyone and it’s going to lead to burnout and stress.

However, it’s not unreasonable at all to expect DC to spend a few hours at night and weekends revising this close to GCSEs. Many DC who care about their exams and futures will be doing this.

Unless there are SEN or a child is a genius, I don’t think anyone can say they tried their hardest if they’re not willing to do this.

Remember Year 11 have a long summer of relaxation ahead- ime they’ll enjoy it more if they know they’ve spent a few months working hard and pushing themselves.

Yes....and where did I say I wasn't supporting my son? I was explaining why what to you looks like accepting laziness and mediocrity might be a parent finding the best way to get their child through exams.

What grades does she need for the Sixth Form and what subjects does she want to study?

Don't do this. It will be her way of relaxing and enjoying herself while coping with the stress of exams. Not allowing her to go will just show her that all you care about are her grades and not her happiness and mental health. She can do both. She can revise hard but also do the musical theatre club. Revising all day, everyday and doing little else doesn't mean she will ace her exams. She could get burn out. Work smart not hard.

Just so you know my DD did this too. She was complacent in her mocks and just thought she could achieve her grades without revising much. She got a shock when her results came but it gave her the kick up the bum she needed and the realisation that she does need to put the time in to revise. This is what mock exams are for and she didn't make the same mistake again. She smashed her real exams!!

That’s totally irrelevant in my view

You are coming across as a little obsessed here.

Many adults had parents or remember someone with parents who responded to a bunch of very good results with 'what happened to the other 5%?'

It's not a good memory. Nor is it the only way to raise a child.

I wouldn’t be interested in them getting an extra 5% unless that would get them a higher grade.

I do think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect DC to work hard to achieve the best grades they are capable of.

Theatre schools are famously time absorbing though and demand commitment from the pupils this isn’t a weekly hockey match or a dance class. They take an entire day out of the weekend and the run up to the show is intense. . Numerous Friends kids were heavily involved in theatre some went on to do it in 6th form but they all took a break from it for the gcse year. Too much. She can do it year 12

It's a school show so shouldn't be as bonkers as theatre school.

She says it’s Saturdays and weeknights. Fine for any school years but not 11 and 13 spring terms. I’m not a high pressure mum but no that’s too much with exams

Depends whether "plus a Saturday" means "all day every Saturday" or "plus one Saturday before the show" or "extra run-through for the leads on some Saturdays". We've seen any mix of the above.

Anyway, the OP and her daughter have long since finished their chat and cake (and probably brushed up the biology and a few hours of French) while a bunch of randoms argue over the best way to annoy our children.

I am surprised the school allowed a Y11 to be cast in the main role for a summer play.

I’m afraid I disagree with most of the responses here. GCSEs are quite content heavy and she will get out what she puts in. That’s all there is to it. Yes, there is time for other things, like exercise and some socialising - but the play is a heavy commitment. As well as the in person sessions, she’ll presumably have to learn the lines/songs etc?

NRTFT but when DD1 took her GCSEs, she had a music group one evening per week and dance all morning on a Saturday. Didn't do her any harm as she achieved 12 A star grades. At A level, she had the music group, dance on a Saturday and a Monday evening and she worked on Sunday afternoons in a shop. She achieved the grades to get into Cambridge where she is now completing a PhD. Whilst there, she has played in an orchestra, sung in a college chapel choir, rowed/coxed, danced and played football (that's just the things I can remember) alongside her studies.

What the OP's DD needs is a really good revision schedule to be mapped out which includes the show and anything else like that to be timetabled on it. As long as she sticks to it, she will be fine, and will be developing valuable skills in balancing workload.

Whilst there, she has played in an orchestra, sung in a college chapel choir, rowed/coxed, danced and played football (that's just the things I can remember) alongside her studies.

Same for mine, barring the football (more of a martial arts fan)

What the OP's DD needs is a really good revision schedule to be mapped out which includes the show and anything else like that to be timetabled on it. As long as she sticks to it, she will be fine

Maybe. It depends if that's how she learns best. One of mine does better with "whatever I feel like learning right now", though that does make me fretful as a parent!