Missing school trip as extra punishment - fair?

[Khaite]

DS (15) is going out with a classmate. Today they were caught coming out of a disabled toilet together by HoY.

HoY didn’t say whether there would be a consequence for this, but DS confessed to me anyway.

Late this afternoon HoY emailed me and said DS would miss the practice Duke of Edinburgh school trip on Monday and have an internal exclusion that day instead. Then I was to come in for a meeting on Tuesday morning.

i completely accept DS having an internal exclusion. However it feels an extra punishment that he has to miss the DoE trip. He’s practised for it. His year have had no whole-day school trips at all , ie throughout years 7-10, because of Covid and then the school being crap about it, so he was really looking forward to this.

Do you think it’s unfair he has to miss the trip? I want to ask if he can do the day’s exclusion on Tuesday instead.

DoE is paid for by parents isn’t it?
Bring that up.

Are they providing another opportunity for him to do the practice needed in a timely manner? Or will this be the end of D of E for him? Because that seems deeply unfair when he is already having the exclusion.

The internal exclusion means he will miss the trip so really missing the trip is the punishment, not an extra. You are trying to negotiate a lesser punishment for your son - if you are happy to join the increasing ranks of parents trying to make sure their kid never has to experience any disappointment or discomfort go for it. Personally I would back the school.

The trip is happening on the day of his exclusion and that is why he’s missing it. It’s not an extra punishment. You can’t move exclusion days to suit you as it wouldn’t really act as a punishment or future deterrent. This is the consequence of your son’s behaviour. It’s also a very reasonable response from the school

Well said!!

An internal exclusion is far more effective when it impacts on something the pupil wants to do, rather than something they are not bothered about.

Why do parents try to undermine teachers rather than support them?
As an aside, what have you said to your son about going into the toilets with his gf? Hardly a classy move.

Is the trip an integral component for him to get his DofE award thst he's worked for or is it just a jolly? If the former, I would want a conversation with whoever is running the scheme. Either way, please accept the punishment as actions and consequences and encourage him to do the same - backing him against the school will do him no favours in the future.

Is the GF also missing the DofE practise trip? That is relevant - their sanction should be equivalent.

at my dc there have been a few instances of students missing school trips because of suspensions. In those cases the parents just had to suck it up (including loss of money) because the trip terms and conditions always have a clause about suitable behaviour in the lead up to the trip.

DofE is slightly different as you’d lose money for the practise trip and then have to shell out for a make up practise trip. It increases the impact of the sanction materially.

I don’t think this is the right punishment if your child is usually well behaved at school.
I would want to discuss this with the school without your son being aware of your position.
I’m a teaching assistant and have teenagers. I hate it when parents undermine our authority generally. However I don’t agree with this decision. It’s detrimental to DS long term and I don’t think the offence justifies the consequence in this instance. He can be internally excluded any other day. Maybe suggest he also writes an essay discussing why his decision to go into the disabled toilets was not acceptable particularly on school premises.

Can he still go on the actual expedition if he misses the practise? We were told it was essential.

If it means he's going to fail his D of E and he's already put hours of work into the other components, then I think that is unfair. Unless his behaviour is generally poor and they think the D of E expedition is too much of a risk anyway- although if that is the case they should have told you straight.

Is there a behaviour condition for taking part in DofE?

Basically, the teachers are saying they can't trust him at the moment

Actions have consequences. I think this is a good opportunity for your DS to reflect on that.

You should be supporting the school.

It’s the practice trip. He can still do the actual expedition - and maybe he’ll think twice about misbehaving on it.

Well said. You should be talking to your son about his behaviour not trying to negotiate a lesser punishment.

FFS. What is it with some parents? No wonder no one wants to be a teacher any more. He did something he shouldn’t have, this is the consequence. It’s bad luck for him the day of the Duke of Edinburgh is on the same day but that’s just tough.

Were they having sex at school? That needs punishing I think. Not appropriate.

Can you even pass your D of E without doing the practice expedition? I feel like it's a pretty integral part of it. If they're cancelling his whole D of E for it that feels excessive. If he can still get the qualification I think it's fine.

I think it is completely appropriate for the school to not give such a child the opportunity to put them into a completely invidious position.

If he is prepared to have sex on the school premises during school time (presumably with no effort at contraception from his end), he would be an absolute Fire Hazard to have on a trip away from home.

Also it isn’t a punishment- it is a natural consequence of thinking rules are for other people and that his risk taking should be consequence free.

I agree with the punishment. He's 15!!! What was he doing in the first place?? Not appropriate for school at all.

Completely fair punishment. And it is your job to support the school and not argue about it being 'unfair'. It will be a big lesson for your DS on how to behave appropriately.

Sorry but if they were having sex in there then it’s completely fair. I cannot believe there are people who think it’s an OTT punishment, you misbehave at school you suffer the consequences

Imagine if schools just accepted their students having sex on the premises with no consequences. Bear in mind they are underage and they also have children as young as eleven on site. It would be a massive safeguarding issue and parents would be horrified.

Children of any sex having sex or undertaking in sexual activity at school is a massive amount of workload for the school.

I am surprised that they were not suspended

Is the d of e overnight? Not letting them go is actually sensible safeguarding

You can use the other kids “real expedition” as a practice and arrange for a private assessor to run an extra for the actual one. This is what other kids have to do if they miss the practice.

its also a very real demonstration of consequences to this kid.