Missing school trip as extra punishment - fair?

[Khaite]

DS (15) is going out with a classmate. Today they were caught coming out of a disabled toilet together by HoY.

HoY didn’t say whether there would be a consequence for this, but DS confessed to me anyway.

Late this afternoon HoY emailed me and said DS would miss the practice Duke of Edinburgh school trip on Monday and have an internal exclusion that day instead. Then I was to come in for a meeting on Tuesday morning.

i completely accept DS having an internal exclusion. However it feels an extra punishment that he has to miss the DoE trip. He’s practised for it. His year have had no whole-day school trips at all , ie throughout years 7-10, because of Covid and then the school being crap about it, so he was really looking forward to this.

Do you think it’s unfair he has to miss the trip? I want to ask if he can do the day’s exclusion on Tuesday instead.

Actions have consequences. He's being taught a life lesson.

If he (and the GF) think it's ok to behave like that in school premises, then your son definitely needs a day of reflection. They both also need to be punished for rule breaking and I'd say this is a fair punishment.
Talk to him, let him explain his frustration etc and don't invalidate it, but then go on to explain how the school have do to deal with this. Hopefully he'll learn from this.

It may be a boyfriend not a girl friend

And this is why I hate teaching. Why can't you just back the school? Their response seems entirely proportional, frankly they can't trust him because of his behaviour (misuse of disabled spaces, likely engagement in sexual activities on school site, likely skiving lessons in order to do so).

DoE is run by teachers who volunteer their time. It is not a right bestowed upon your child, it's a privilege.

Talk to your child, and please make sure he has a better understanding of safe sex practices.

True.
I cannot edit my post now though.
It's not really relevant to OPs question either though.

I agree it isn relevant just the OP was vague in their wording to begin with

either way it is a safeguarding pain for the school.

Exactly this.

Your child was completely in the wrong and it's a fair punishment to miss the trip. Not an extra punishment.

I wouldn't be keen to take these students on DofE because most DofE takes place on rented campsites these days and we could get barred if there was a reoccurrence. Potentially affecting many others.

And we wonder why we have a generation of young people who think consequences don’t apply to them and they can do what they want because mum will back them up.
I am so glad I left teaching.

I know how much of their own time, effort and expense these teachers go to in order to help students get their DofE.
You have to be able to trust them on the expeditions.
I also agree that for too many parents, the default is to blame teachers/the school, rather than have a proper parental conversation with outcomes.

It's unfortunate the next day of school happens to be the DfE practice trip, but exclusions always take place on the next school day. And it's not as if it's a GCSE exam, is it? (Odd that that is on a school day anyway, often it's at a weekend.). His future career does not depend on a DfE award and he can always do it again or just do the real thing (I think?) In fact, it's a better sanction that missing a normal school day, as it will hit him harder. He knows he was doing the wrong thing, so he only has himself to blame.

We don't have 'a generation of young people who think consequences don't apply to them and they can do what they want because mum will back them up'.

We might well have a significant minority who think this way, definitely not a generation.

Quite.
i assumed smoking, vaping, drugs. I didnt even cross my mind it could be sex until other posters mentioned that.

op did you ask your sone shat he and his bf / gf were doing in the toilet? Did that concern you?

Maybe suggest he also writes an essay discussing why his decision to go into the disabled toilets was not acceptable particularly on school premises.

You realise he's not being punished just for going into the disabled toilets, yes? He's being punished for being in there with his girlfriend/boyfriend, with the assumption being they engaged in sexual activity. That is a hell of a lot more serious than just using the disabled toilet.

Schools tend to be very clear on the consequences of multiple occupation of toilets, he knew the risk and should accept his punishment.

If they were both meant to be going on the trip, I don't think they should go, are staff meant to watch them all day and keep them apart to prevent any further unacceptable behaviour? Otherwise maybe a bit harsh, but if it's a fixed day for the punishment that is a risk you take by getting into trouble.

Smoking and vaping sets off the alarms/sprinklers
Under age sex doesn't.
Main reason for two 15 year olds to be in a loo is some kind of sexual activity.

@spuddy4 it's a serious safeguarding issue for the school if 15 year olds are engaging in sexual activity on site. Were they both going on the trip? Possibly the school doesn't feel able to trust them.

Missing the practice expedition won't scupper overall DfE prospects, but he will miss out on some skills training. You can mitigate by helping him to self-learn those skills online or take him to a local park with a compass and a map.

Seeing as the trip is on Monday there's not a lot you can do as it's the weekend now. Needed to be sorted out yesterday when you could speak to staff.
But yes I agree, the internal exclusion is the punishment and they do it on the next available day, it seems unfair that it falls on the school trip day. I'd send an email now but it may be too late.

Not sure that makes any difference through does it. We all know what they would have been doing. I'm really not surprised the school aren't keen to take them where they might get more issues.

This.

Of course the OP hasn't said that her son was having (underage) sex on school premises in a toilet that possibly a disabled student needed to use, but I expect she'll find out on Tuesday.

@Khaite if they were having sex then him missing his trip is the least of your worries. Has the (underage) girl also received a suspension? Are her parents involved?

Obviously, you let him do his suspension, give him a talking to about respect (for the disabled, if nothing else) and suck up whatever the HoY tells you on Tuesday.

Do bear in mind that suspensions aren't given lightly and "being caught coming out of a toilet he wasn't supposed to be in" is unlikely to be the sole reason.

I agree.

The kids are fine.

What we have is a generation of parents who are prepared to defend their children in the face of literally everything.

Engaging in sexual activity in a toilet is a prime reasons for suspension.
A 1 day internal exclusion is a pretty light consequence.

Nope, it's not 'a generation' of parents either.

An email to say what exactly?