Missing school trip as extra punishment - fair?

[Khaite]

DS (15) is going out with a classmate. Today they were caught coming out of a disabled toilet together by HoY.

HoY didn’t say whether there would be a consequence for this, but DS confessed to me anyway.

Late this afternoon HoY emailed me and said DS would miss the practice Duke of Edinburgh school trip on Monday and have an internal exclusion that day instead. Then I was to come in for a meeting on Tuesday morning.

i completely accept DS having an internal exclusion. However it feels an extra punishment that he has to miss the DoE trip. He’s practised for it. His year have had no whole-day school trips at all , ie throughout years 7-10, because of Covid and then the school being crap about it, so he was really looking forward to this.

Do you think it’s unfair he has to miss the trip? I want to ask if he can do the day’s exclusion on Tuesday instead.

In order for him to go on the trip, there would have to be a teacher prepared to take responsibility for him, and personally I wouldn't. Who want to be held responsible for a girl coming back from a trip pregnant? I would guess he isn't going. And as all teaching staff are going voluntarily, I would expect them to drop out if an attempt is made to force them to take him when they don't want to. Then no one goes

OK, a day trip will just be practising putting tents up and lighting Trangias. Possibly a bit of map and compass. Likely they're not taking the whole year group on this single occasion and wouldn't rule out the expedition.

The £30 is likely to be the contribution towards DofE not the park day alone.

You will have signed consent for DofE. What's it say about behaviour?

So he was in the TEACHER'S toilet?

well, ask for your money back as he isn't going

I think one day is exceptionally lenient. We have expelled for incidents like this

Then you ask your son for the money back because HIS actions have led to him not being able to go on the trip that you paid for.

It's not just about the 'amount' of punishment, and a practice trip isn't the real thing so he's not actually being disadvantaged.

It's in part that until he can behave in school, why would staff trust him outside. They're responsible for him in OP's place and shouldn't have to worry that he'll show them up or do something inappropriate or dangerous out of school.

Here's a thought. Maybe if the child didn't go in the disabled toilet in the first place (because they're not allowed, perhaps a discussion of which is the more reasonable punishment, wouldn't be needed in the first place.

@Khaite right, so the punishment is justified then. Your child won't do it again will they?
If the relationship you have is so good, why would you be up in arms about this? Surely you respect and support the school after working so closely with them?

I'm not sure but I think for the D of E silver you can't do the real expedition if you haven't done the practise one. I think they may be more lenient on the D of E bronze. Is it his first one?

@Barnabyby I appreciate your thought/s but I still stand by mine.

Who doesn’t nip into a disabled loo!!! It’s often the only loo in some places! Total over reaction and this attitude explains why people don’t want to be teachers. These appear to be sen Dc. They probably need to avoid going somewhere to kiss but that’s not a massive crime. How nasty schools have become. A chat would have sufficed. A warning and internal exclusion at most. Maybe lines “I shouldn’t use a forbidden loo for kissing” would be a good punishment.

OP. Ask for your money back for DofE. I would not worry too much, No uni cares a fig about it. My DDs friend blew her whistle in celebration, and in sight of the teacher at the end, and was excluded from getting the certificate. All the others in the group were too, including my dd. My DD and the others had no idea this girl would celebrate by blowing the whistle (the school said they should have stopped her!!!) so we complained and DD was reinstated. Quite frankly, it’s not worth the effort and schools are full of sergeant majors. Take the day off and dodge the bullet.

Thank you, that’s good advice.

The letter said it was a health & safety issue, didn’t mention safeguarding which I thought was a bit odd as clearly it is a safeguarding issue too. I assume they were using H&S as an umbrella term encompassing safeguarding.

Good grief. However, no doubt some on here will excuse that.

I think it is a fair response by the school.

Whether it was two boys, a boy and a girl, or two girls, the same should apply.

A one day thing practising skills doesn't sound like a practice expedition. That's the sort of thing we did in Dof E club sessions before the practice expedition which certainly did involve camping over night.
Regardless. It's a serious behavioural issue in school and definitely a safeguarding issue.
We have had students removed from trips due to behaviour and sent home from them. Parents don't get the money back for this (but this is made clear as part of the sign up process).

But that is the way life works, sometimes things don’t work out in your favour. Sometimes they do.

Absolutely. And FWIW I have no doubts that the school will have acted in the same way they would if it was a boy and a girl.

The timing is unfortunate but I doubt that the school would change their minds. What kind of message would it send to other pupils if he was allowed to go?

As I said, it’s a day trip to a park. Hopefully a girl wouldn’t come back from a day trip pregnant… and she certainly wouldn’t by DS.

I completely get the point about teachers being responsible for him but you’re talking about safeguarding risks that are much more likely to apply to a residential.

Well hopefully the other pupils won’t know that he was caught in a cubicle with another boy... No other students were present and DS and his bf haven’t told them. I assume you’re not suggesting the school would and should have?

Support the school and let your son learn the lesson. You stepping in and negotiating a lesser punishment is setting a bad example. He hes man enough to get upto no good in the school toilets then he needs to face the consequences set by the school not mummy coming to his rescue.

Fair.

Speak to your DofE rep at school - my son missed his practise due to having covid and discovered after he had done the final trip he couldn't get his dof as the rules said he needed to have done one day of the practise...

Schools are hotbeds of gossip, other pupils will know.