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Secondary education

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Original poster

My DS failed every one of his mock GCSEs

158 replies

Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:14

That's it really, found the results screwed up and he got 3s and 2s in everything. He was predicted 5s last year. All of my friends have high achieving focussed children, and indeed my DD is also one of them, and don't feel I can talk to anyone as feel upset and different to everyone else. He has recently been diagnosed with ASD and is on the pathway to ADHD assessment based on guidance from CAHMs which is undoubtedly having an impact I would have thought. He said he was revising but he didn't really do much despite the school giving the kids lots of support and revision tips and I bought all the study guides for him, watched films on the GCSE English lit texts and offered to sit with him or pay for a tutor (which we can't really afford). He didn't want any of these. He has applied for sixth form for courses he needs 4s and 5s which seems ambitious now, and also a college course where he needs two 4s in English and Maths. Feel pretty distraught and worried for him. Any comforting words or guidance would be gratefully received

OP posts:
Daftasabroom · 16/12/2023 15:15

Look up "demand avoidance".

Original poster
Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:16

If I go quiet it’s because my DD wants to borrow my phone but will check in later to see if anyone has responded, thank you

OP posts:
bunhead1979 · 16/12/2023 15:17

You are ashamed of your disabled child? I hope you’ve not said that to him! School is really tough for autistic kids, and it gets harder over time. Time to make a support plan with school if he doesn’t already have one.

Original poster
Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:17

Yes that could be relevant but how do we address it?

OP posts:
FrancisSeaton · 16/12/2023 15:18

He hasn't failed
The system has failed him.

Lilithlogic · 16/12/2023 15:18

Are you ashamed of him? yourself? how it looks to others? Such a wierd word that seems to make it all about you

Moglet4 · 16/12/2023 15:18

Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:14

That's it really, found the results screwed up and he got 3s and 2s in everything. He was predicted 5s last year. All of my friends have high achieving focussed children, and indeed my DD is also one of them, and don't feel I can talk to anyone as feel upset and different to everyone else. He has recently been diagnosed with ASD and is on the pathway to ADHD assessment based on guidance from CAHMs which is undoubtedly having an impact I would have thought. He said he was revising but he didn't really do much despite the school giving the kids lots of support and revision tips and I bought all the study guides for him, watched films on the GCSE English lit texts and offered to sit with him or pay for a tutor (which we can't really afford). He didn't want any of these. He has applied for sixth form for courses he needs 4s and 5s which seems ambitious now, and also a college course where he needs two 4s in English and Maths. Feel pretty distraught and worried for him. Any comforting words or guidance would be gratefully received

I’m sorry- this is always really upsetting and worrying. Having said that, do try not to panic; I’ve had plenty of students get poor results in the mocks then suddenly panic and pull it out of the bag last minute. I would say a last minute tutor might be helpful at least for English and Maths or you could well end up in an unpleasant resit cycle.

Original poster
Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:19

He doesn’t have a plan as was only diagnosed recently and his school have offered lots of adjustments (all of which he has refused to take as he doesn’t want to look different to him friends), I understand the EHCP plan takes ages to get and may be too late for GCSEs now

OP posts:
WASZPy · 16/12/2023 15:19

It's not too late to bump up his grades to 4s and 5s. I think I'd get a tutor for English and Maths just to secure the college course. The tutor(s) may also be able to give specific revision strategies for your DS, once they know him, that will work for his other subjects too.

How many is he doing? Maybe drop a non-essential or two to streamline the workload then be prepared to support him heavily with revision.

Wildhorses2244 · 16/12/2023 15:23

If your son has asd and adhd it’s completely normal that he would find school hard.

I think that you need to support him to primarily focus on the English and maths - a tutor is a great idea.

Can he drop one or two of his least favourite subjects and spend that time in the school pastoral hub with someone helping him to revise?

Also, if he has adhd there’s a really good chance that daily exercise before school will improve his concentration so that’s worth a try if it’s not something that he already does.

Wildhorses2244 · 16/12/2023 15:24

Sorry @WASZPy - cross post!

Winglessvulture · 16/12/2023 15:24

I would try and speak to the school as soon as possible, ask them what support they can offer to help him. You said he has a diagnosis of ASD, if that is recent is there anything that the school should be doing to help support his learning or is he entitled to extra time in exams?

Have you spoken to your son and found out how he feels? This must feel like a shock right now, but there is still time between now and the exams. I am sure there are lots of children who don't do as expected in their mocks, but ultimately end up with quite different results.

Original poster
Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:24

He is doing 9 at the moment but the school did say that he could drop some of the mocks did not go well

OP posts:
BalletBob · 16/12/2023 15:26

Not sure why you are ashamed of him or why you care about keeping up with the Joneses and their high achieving offspring. Your child is clearly struggling because he has a disability that he isn't receiving adequate support for, and which our entire school system is not equipped to help him with.

Right now he needs your love, unconditional acceptance and emotional support first and foremost. Fuck school and fuck GCSEs. His actual well-being is paramount now. The academic stuff can come later. Exams can be retaken. His life isn't over because his mocks have gone badly.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/12/2023 15:26

I think he really needs to reflect on what went wrong and why. Did he study as hard as he could? Did he make silly mistakes? Run out of time? Not read the question properly?

I think the adjustments should happen now regardless of whether he likes them or not. He's had a chance to show he didn't need them, and the results show he clearly does.

Original poster
Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:27

Thank you for all your kind words, it’s made me feel quite tearful and thanks for guidance. Think will have to go the tutor route for maths and English. I did speak to DS last night and he got quite upset and cried a bit, I do feel dreadful for him and it’s so difficult to work out what is the neurodivergence and what is teenager laziness.

OP posts:
Aintnosupermum · 16/12/2023 15:28

I have 3 children with ADD and I’m fortunate that I’ve been able to get them help privately. My elder two are both ASD too.

His grades are not a reflection of his abilities. I would consider holding back a year and getting full support set up. He needs to get some help on how to study, how to answer questions and how to focus. My eldest is 12 and I have set up for her executive functioning therapy. It’s a fancy medical term for teaching her how to organize herself, her thoughts and her work. It’s a game changer.

Medication matters and he needs the medication to help him focus. For my children running helps them a lot. However medication is where it is at.

This is when you throw money at the problem because holding him back a year will help a little bit but this is a 6 year process to get him through GCSE, A’Levels and university/vocational program.

RudsyFarmer · 16/12/2023 15:28

It doesn’t sound like anyone is ‘at fault’. What is he doing instead of revising? How does he spend his time?

MistletoeandJd · 16/12/2023 15:28

Who's ashamed ????. He's late diagnosed its a very hard and difficult situation l. Have they applied asd conditions to exams ?

Original poster
Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:29

I think the ashamed is more about me, that I haven’t done enough to support him, that we didn’t click that it was autism until he was 14, that I haven’t been strict enough with him around working and revision and that I am not a good mum.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 16/12/2023 15:29

I think the fact that his results were screwed up and he didn't tell you indicates he is feeling bad about it. A meeting with his head of year or pastoral teacher might help, for him and you. Short term deadlines put in place. Drop subjects he's weakest in to focus on better ones. Now he might be more amenable to adjustments and help. But you need to talk to him, reassure him that he can recover from this. And help him see how support can make a difference.

Original poster
Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:29

But need to move on from that and focus on his needs, it’s not about me

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/12/2023 15:30

Ashamed? FFS. Surely you should be feeling worried for his future instead of giving a shit what Mrs Next Door is saying about him??

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 16/12/2023 15:30

bunhead1979 · 16/12/2023 15:17

You are ashamed of your disabled child? I hope you’ve not said that to him! School is really tough for autistic kids, and it gets harder over time. Time to make a support plan with school if he doesn’t already have one.

This! My own DC has ASD and SLD and I cannot believe what I have just read. The word 'ashamed' on something he likely cannot help. I could never even consider using your words when thinking of my own child with disabilities!

Haggisfish3 · 16/12/2023 15:31

I would make two plans for moving forward. One for if he gets three grade fours and one if he gets the grades he achieved. It might mean he has to do an extra year at college but it’s not the end of the world. Does he know what jobs might interest him?