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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

My DS failed every one of his mock GCSEs

158 replies

Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:14

That's it really, found the results screwed up and he got 3s and 2s in everything. He was predicted 5s last year. All of my friends have high achieving focussed children, and indeed my DD is also one of them, and don't feel I can talk to anyone as feel upset and different to everyone else. He has recently been diagnosed with ASD and is on the pathway to ADHD assessment based on guidance from CAHMs which is undoubtedly having an impact I would have thought. He said he was revising but he didn't really do much despite the school giving the kids lots of support and revision tips and I bought all the study guides for him, watched films on the GCSE English lit texts and offered to sit with him or pay for a tutor (which we can't really afford). He didn't want any of these. He has applied for sixth form for courses he needs 4s and 5s which seems ambitious now, and also a college course where he needs two 4s in English and Maths. Feel pretty distraught and worried for him. Any comforting words or guidance would be gratefully received

OP posts:

Original poster

Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:52

@TomatoSandwiches I know you are right but (on top of me working full time and having other children) he doesn’t want me to sit with him and help him, maybe I should just tell him that’s the way it is but he needs to buy into it too else it won’t work

OP posts:

MrsAvocet · 16/12/2023 15:56

Sorry to hear you are so worried OP, and I understand how upsetting it must be, especially when it seems like everyone else's children are excelling. I'm sure they are not though, everyone has their problems - you're not alone and it's not your fault.
Personally, I would be talking to school about cutting back on subjects and focus on getting the core ones, especially maths and english. But see what they say. I am sure it won't be the first time they've experienced a situation like this so they should have strategies to help. Make an appointment asap to discuss, but remember that this is not the end of the world. Obviously you'd prefer him to have got better grades but a)there is still time to improve and b)there's more than one way to succeed in life.
You get a bit of a skewed impression on here sometimes- it feels like everyone's child has a full set of 9s, A stars at A level and an Oxbridge place lined up. Which is great for those who do, but not being like that doesn't mean that you are doomed to a miserable and unfulfilled life.
Try to focus on the positives and look for possible ways your DS can thrive in the future. Looking back can be helpful- if you know how you got somewhere it can help you move on - but don't dwell on things you can't change.

Paddleboarder · 16/12/2023 15:57

My son just got his results too and wasn't happy with them. All of them were at least one grade lower than he was expecting. In the report, it does say that they expect students to gain higher grades in the real exams compared to the mocks. Plus, there should be interventions at school and special revision classes. They still have 5 months to revise - my son didn't revise for anything so I think it is a bit of a wake up call for him.

Singleandproud · 16/12/2023 15:58

Right, so you need to sit down with the SENDCO and discuss how to move forward and get him assessed for exam arrangements.Common arrangements for children with AuDHD include:

25% extra time for those with slower processing (regardless of academic ability)

Prompt - to keep them on track

Rest or movement breaks where the clock is stopped so they can move around

Completing the exam in a small room with a small group of students ( or a room of their own if the noise of readers and scribes is distracting)

I would not recommend adding any other demands such as tutors on to him. AuDHD children need lots of rest and decompression time away from school activities.

For revision find what works with him, videos on YouTube are my DDs preferred method freesciencelessons is great for AQA science. Seneca learning is also great he may have a school account but you can set it up independently too.

travelallthetime · 16/12/2023 15:58

im sorry, you're ashamed of his results? really though? No, just no. I am going through this right now, so I know exactly what it is like. My DS hates revising so we do it together. Its horrendous. I hate it. But it mean we are doing something. Even with revision he got 3's and 4's. If thats what he gets in his GCSE's then so be it, it isnt the end of the world, there are plenty of courses that have a pre course they can do if they dont get their expected grades, it just means an extra year. Support him dont say you are ashamed of him

amylou8 · 16/12/2023 15:58

My son is ASD and only just scraped his GCSEs. The trouble he has was he only wanted to study things that he felt were of value to him. He absolutely would not engage in art, French, PE, English lit....basically anything arts rather than science. He did just do enough to get into college where he excelled in the computing course that he wanted to do, and then went onto uni and got a 1st in computer engineering.
Are school able to offer some flexibility of subjects, focus on subjects that interest him?

TomatoSandwiches · 16/12/2023 16:00

Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:52

You could make evenings about all the children's homework or subjects and do quick fire rounds for all of them so he's not feeling singled out?
Lots of the revision books have key questions at the back or summary page that you can go over together once the other children are in bed.
Tell him you know/believe he can get 5 or 6's and that you WANT to do this with him that it's your job to support him to his full potential so he can either help decide what imput he wants or prefers or you will choose a way to be involved.
Start small for now but every day, 10 mims then after Christmas 15 mins.

socks1107 · 16/12/2023 16:00

My daughter failed all her mocks and passed only three GCSEs. It did not matter one tiny bit.
She's resat one at sixth form, and is now doing three level 3 extended btecs and is set for uni next September doing a subject she loves!
Talk to school, get a tutor for maths and English and don't stress

Barleymilk · 16/12/2023 16:01

My son came back with his results yesterday.
Had a 'U' in maths. Son was so upset but I tried to keep calm. I need to chat to his teacher as u less he scrunched up the paper he has been getting 3's up to now.
I spent the eve feeling so low,it's how to reply to people asking how he did and asking his next steps when college,at even a level 1 needs a 2 in maths.
Luckily he got 4 and 5s in three others but he wants to do plumbing and a level 3 insists on a 4 for GCSE.

Yerroblemom1923 · 16/12/2023 16:01

These are micks, that's what they're there for! Clearly an indication that he needs to put in some more effort to elevate his grades.
This might be the kick.up the backside he needs to shock him into sorting it out.
He has time yet before the real exams so hopefully he'll realise what he needs to do to raise his grades into the 7+ zone

Mischance · 16/12/2023 16:02

Please do not be ashamed. Whatever his exam results, he is your precious son and will have qualities to be treasured. At this point academic skills have eluded him. This might easily be because the school did not understand the challenges he faces.

There will be college courses that might suit him better than school; and hopefully you will have more understanding of what his special needs are; and be able to convey this to college. In my experience, colleges are often better than schools at accommodating special needs because they do not have an exclusively academic focus, and are more open-minded.

You must put out of your mind any comparisons with others. He is who he is and needs to learn to be proud of this. He needs you tell him how much you love him and that exams are not everything; that whatever his results you will still be proud of him.

Your friends with high achieving children will take their lead from you. If you seem ashamed and apologetic they will regard your son as a failure; if you speak of him with pride and understanding they will see that he is fine - just not exactly like their children. This matters not at all.

What he needs now is a ton of love. He has hidden his results because he thinks you will be ashamed - this is your chance to prove him wrong.

Yerroblemom1923 · 16/12/2023 16:02

Mock! Although that might be a Freudian slip! Lol

Barleymilk · 16/12/2023 16:03

7+ zone is out of reach for many.

Original poster

Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 16:03

Yes my DS needs 4s in maths and English to do either the college course he wants to do or stay at sixth form. Sorry that you’ve had the same experience as me, it’s not easy and upsetting x

OP posts:

InSpainTheRain · 16/12/2023 16:03

Please don't be ashamed of your child (I honestly think that's awful!) Perhaps he struggles academically and just needs to find the right thing for him. Don't worry him, support him, tell him there are other things he can do. Perhaps something more active/less academic would suit him - is he good at sports and could do something physical? could he think of plumbing or bricklaying? is he interested in chefing? Think of things he likes and can do not how the system has failed him.

By the way one of my DC went to uni, it all went wrong and he came out with nothing apart form 40k of debt... but he's sociable, happy, such a "nice guy", he's thoughtful and now has a job he really enjoys. I'm super proud of him. Please, never be ashamed of your child!

Yerroblemom1923 · 16/12/2023 16:04

@Barleymilk but something to aim for, surely???

Oblomov23 · 16/12/2023 16:06

Be calm. Contact HoY and Senco by email, ask for an urgent meeting. What other adjustments could easily be put into place that they should already be doing?

What eye do you indent? That might help?

extra time in papers or other support? you'll have to push hard to get the extra time and papers actioned quickly enough, but if you push hard now and do everything in writing and follow up with a phone call you've at least got a stab at it.

TomatoSandwiches · 16/12/2023 16:06

I find it's also really unhelpful that they've got to decide or contemplate their next step for summer along with their mocks and exams, it can get too much at once.
Very stressful for them.

Barleymilk · 16/12/2023 16:11

Yes,I agree something to aim for and pretty easy for an academic child.
My niece is doing maths and politics for A level,she loves to learn and I'm sure doesn't find easy but embraces learning.
My son just finds it hard. To be honest although I nag him to revise, I don't see much of that all. Far too interested in the gym and work outs.
I just can't understand a 'U'. He can do basic maths. It's not like he was I'll,he is never off school. He baffled too.

Hotpinkangel19 · 16/12/2023 16:13

My son has just done his mocks. He's been in a terrible state all the way through. He's diagnosed with ASD. Grades aren't everything. People fail GCSE's and still end up with good jobs. Uni isn't everything. Not everyone is academic.
As long as my son tried is best that's all i will ever ask of him. His Mental health will always come first.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 16/12/2023 16:15

Choirsinger7 · 16/12/2023 15:35

Please see my post about where I clarify the ashamed comment, I’m not ashamed about him

Apologies . If you see my later post above that of @InefficientProcess you will see that I have acknowledged your later post which I hadn't seen before I posted originally .

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 16/12/2023 16:17

@Choirsinger7
You may be able to get MN to change the title of your post so you don't get more posters piling on who, like me, have not understood what you meant by being ashamed- which I agree takes away from the advice you were asking for .

WorriedMum231 · 16/12/2023 16:19

You’re ashamed? Of your disabled son? I think you should speak to some professionals and try to get a better understanding of him.

Don’t be ashamed, be on his side.

Notmetoo · 16/12/2023 16:26

Please don't say you are ashamed of your child because he has done badly in his mocks, and try not to think it. Presumably he took the exams? I know some ND young people who have refused to go into the exam.
Try and support him and be proud of what he has actually achieved.
The trail exams are there to help students prepare for the actual exam he will know what to expect and he and his teachers will look at how he can improve. But honestly even if he dowa not do well in his actual GCSEs it's not the end of the world. There are always retakes.

Saxendi · 16/12/2023 16:26

As others have said don't panic.
If you could find an experienced tutor for Maths and English that would be very helpful.
And drop some subjects too.

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