My DS failed every one of his mock GCSEs

[Choirsinger7]

That's it really, found the results screwed up and he got 3s and 2s in everything. He was predicted 5s last year. All of my friends have high achieving focussed children, and indeed my DD is also one of them, and don't feel I can talk to anyone as feel upset and different to everyone else. He has recently been diagnosed with ASD and is on the pathway to ADHD assessment based on guidance from CAHMs which is undoubtedly having an impact I would have thought. He said he was revising but he didn't really do much despite the school giving the kids lots of support and revision tips and I bought all the study guides for him, watched films on the GCSE English lit texts and offered to sit with him or pay for a tutor (which we can't really afford). He didn't want any of these. He has applied for sixth form for courses he needs 4s and 5s which seems ambitious now, and also a college course where he needs two 4s in English and Maths. Feel pretty distraught and worried for him. Any comforting words or guidance would be gratefully received

Christo what was the SATs tutor for both eng and maths? Are his predicted grades from the SATs or his secondary work.

That's a good question I'm not 100%, it's hard to decipher as they give a current grade, predicted, likely and aspirational. His predicted are 4's, aspirational 5/6's and current 2/3 some 1's.

In SAT's he scored 106 in maths and 98 in English with help from an English tutor im not sure what that would translate into gcse results.

I've been on at him all afternoon to revise for biology tomorrow, he agreed he would. Ive offered to sit with him, I have a degree in biology and would actually enjoy helping him. I've just been into his room and he's on phone to his girlfriend she's revising, and said she's offered to help and he just laughs and says I'm not doing science. I even said why doesn't she come round and you can do it together, he just laughs. Part of it is I think it makes him look cool to not care, school said before that maybe he's struggling with the content and rather than try and fail, he'd rather joke around and act like he doesn't care.

I think 98 in English would roughly translate to a 3, on average, usual disclaimers.

Oh right, that's interesting so maybe I'm being a bit optimistic to expect him to get a 4 in English. I'm even more glad now that I've got on with the tutor early. He seems to be engaging him with him really well which is something I guess.

In my memory 100 is average so translates to 4 at GCSE. That’s why the predictions are 4s. He should be capable of that at GCSE and with 106 should be capable of 4/5.

Speak to his teachers to find where focused intervention will help.

100 in SATS is supposed to translate to a 4 or 5 at GCSE ie a C. However, do bear in mind that primary schools often teach to the test so the result isn’t always accurately reflective of a child’s natural ability.

Thanks for the posts overnight. I did email the HoY yesterday as feeling worried and just asked for a call next week, she emailed me this morning and has already messaged my DSs teachers to understand what has gone on and will ring me when she has the feedback. Now feel guilty as didn’t mean for her to pick this up at the weekend when teachers work so hard as it is 😔

Hi even before we had the ASD diagnosis this summer, DSs school were very good and offering all of the adjustments even without a formal diagnosis. CAHMS had sent them a letter to say that ASD was suspected, but not diagnosed, and that was enough for them as they understood the big backlog. Might be worth a try speaking to them?

Don’t worry I know loads of people who left school with zero but are doing great now, great jobs, including doing degrees but taking longer with functional maths and English, access courses etc.

My school was awful but the kids in it weren’t and neither is your DC.

I have a relative who left school with zilch in the way of qualifications - not a single GCSE. He now manages a residential unit for troubled young people - worked his way up from care assistant to manager - and his Mum has become one of his employees!

My DS has just done his mocks, we don't get the results until February Apparently? which seems strange to me as that doesn't give much time to focus on the areas he needs to the most. However saying that my DS has come home from a fair few of his mock exams and said he didn't know a large portion of the answers so left them blank, so I'm not expecting high grades. His predicted grades are mainly 4s, a 6 for maths (he says this is the only subject that comes naturally to him) and a 3 for business. His predicted Grades was much higher but they've gradually decreased over the last couple of years, he lacks alot of focus and concentration, it's always been an issue right through primary but unfortunately when we've gone for a adhd referral the school have said they see no signs in school 🙄 I worry alot for his future, he has no idea what he wants to do at college and is yet to apply for anything, his current predicted grades are only if he puts some effort in (which he's not so I'm expecting his mock results to be lower) and despite sitting down with him and making him a revision plan together and setting him all up with guides etc he's still not really trying, I think a personal tutor may be the way to go for English just so he doesn't have to resit it, as I know he'd really struggle with it again. Even just suggesting revision to him causes alot of complaining from him 😏 it's a difficult age really, as all they really want to do is hang out with mates and chill out, I know that gcse's and college are the last thing my DS wants to be thinking about at this age

All my DC have gone to the local FE college and done vocational qualifications rather than sixth form and A levels. None of them are very academic or good at exams and one has a disability which meant they required support (reader and scribe) to sit their GCSEs . Comparing my DC to my friends' DC who are academic high achievers is pointless and isn't fair on my DC who all have other things to offer.

Our local FE college is very supportive and offers level 2 courses which can then lead to level 3 alongside Maths and English GCSE re-sits. DD has a friend who's gone to uni to study an arts course despite not havng passed GCSE maths. I'm sure there will be other routes to continue education for your DS even if he doesn't get the GCSE passes he and you might have been expecting.

A small thing, but when he's revising try getting him to play brown noise through headphones to help him concentrate,and do a kind of Pomodoro technique and set an alarm for 25 minutes and see if he can focus for that long then take a break.

@Gettincoldouthere

I use the child mind institute in nyc and they work with us online. The therapist works extensively with school staff too, about 2 hours a week. It’s expensive but they have some programs on a sliding scale. I have US health insurance and while it’s out of network, it’s been highly effective. There are a couple of other online programs linked to the social thinking curriculum which has been good for my children ages 9-11.

I have my children at a parochial school which is small. Class sizes are 10 and less. It’s absolutely perfect for my two ASD kiddies. The Catholic Church heavily subsidize the school so fees are not crazy. They focus on the child, supporting them to be the best version of themselves. They let therapists in to work with the children which is a welcome change to how things were done in New Jersey.

I’ll come back later with some other therapists who were highly recommended. Some of them are quite affordable.

OP....
I feel for you...you are not a bad mum..just a very worried mum.

My DD is Y12 and we are just starting on the ND pathway with Camhs.
So much of what is said here resonates with our situation.
After many normal years, DD struggled with GCSE mocks and the actual exam results were a huge shock to us, her and the teachers.
Things went very wrong for her after GCSE and are very rocky.
She is doing 6th form in subjects she dislikes and continuing to struggle.
She is now unable to attend school regularly, has missed a lot and fallen very behind
We are begging her to take a break and restart Y12 in sep or do something else but she won't listen.

In your case, there is time. If you can find a way to identify what he should be focusing and doing only that for a start, it would help.
Based on entry requirements, do the subjects first. Also, have a backup to regular 6th form and see what the entry requirements for those are...

It will be hard work and very tiring.. but executive dysfunction, demand avoidance are very genuine things for ND kids.
We have seen these spring up on DD within a matter of a few weeks...
Hang in there. There is a future...we just don't know it yet!

Xx

My academic autistic dd got some 2/3 in hers mocks.

She went from a 3 to 7 in ELit
And a 2 to a 5 in maths for the real thing.

What worked. Not nagging. Letting her take the lead
And a tutor she likes helped.

In the end she know when it mattered.

However since dropped
Out of sixth form and is working part time but she is mentally so much happier.

Exams
Are
Not everything.

I do understand where you are with this tho

As a parent of what we assume is a NT child we watch as our heavily masking child slips further and further away from peers.

We think why? Are they lazy are they struggling with MH
Are we crap parents

Society tells us they need to try harder. You need to be stricter you are doing this all wrong. We would by put up with this. Take the phone away no more Xbox etc etc

It isn't until a diagnosis that it all makes sense.

It is a grieving process as you have to let go of the child you thought you had and the path you were in and take a different path. But that's ok. Your son is still your gorgeous boy and is just needing a different way

But now you have a diagnosis you can try to put that aside and support him in the way he needs. Ignore the neighbours dog down the road That haven't lived in your shoes.

My dd is demand avoidant and stepping back works best for her. If she wants it for herself she will do it. If she doesn't. I'm wasting my breath nagging.

Good luck 🤞

So sorry you’re feeling like this, also for your son too. We all want the best for our children.
Would definitely try to go down the private tutor route if you can. That’s really the only solution.
Speak to the school too. I’m surprised they haven’t made contact with you about the results. Find out if there’s certain gaps in learning, did he answer all questions, rush papers etc?
Please don’t stress you or your son- mental well being is much more important.
Your son will find his path in life.

This is such a helpful post. A real lightbulb moment for me, so relevant for my child. Thank you!

Well,i now know why sons maths was graded a 'U' as I just spoke to his teacher. He was put in for the higher maths,not the foundation paper. If you don't manage a 3 in this you automatically get a U. He was 7 points away as were some others.
We will see how he does in the next maths mock and if no better she will put him in for the foundation.
I think the percentage of students in England not getting a pass 4 is 37%? Such a high amount.

Any reason why not to switch to Foundation straight away?
If you are switching then the sooner the better.
. Some things don't appear on Higher as they are too easy but may have been forgotten
. The initial questions are much easier and if used to higher he may over complicate them

Still working through the thread but where are posters getting OP is ashamed of her son from? I can't see that anywhere

It has been edited out by MN as it was derailing the thread and isn't what the OP meant. (She sort of meant she was ashamed she hadn't done more to help sooner.)

Ahhh ok that makes sense. And is definitely how I'd taken it from the rest of OPs post.