11+ is going to ruin me

[AlwaysReadyNeverSteady]

Hi, sorry if this is garbled, I've had a very emotionally fraught morning.

DS is due to sit 11+ this September. He has had a 1:1 tutor for around 18 months. She comes very well recommended and is known for being upfront with parents if she thinks their child might not be quite right for the process/test. She assures me he is able enough.

He's been doing well across all areas, although slightly less so on the maths. He has a LOT of homework which I try to spread out across the week, so we're only doing a couple of (set pages) of books a night and the corrections for practise tests he'd done to previous week with tutor.

Its not always been easy to get him to focus after school, which I do understand as he works hard at school too, but we get through it. Lately he has been so emotional about it and I've apparently just got to the bottom of why... Sat with him this morning, going through corrections of test he'd sat last week. Just burst into tears, beside himself, wouldn't tell me why... Gave him some space and afterwards he told me it's because he doesn't like the way I explain things to him and that I'm "too positive."

For context, I've been a primary school teacher for 14 years. I know how to teach children and what works for different children. My kids at school always achieve well, above national expectations and I've never had any complaints about my teaching style. I never get frustrated with him, am supportive and encouraging and always try to approach the work with a positive attitude, explaining misconceptions patiently.
I'm a single parent and work full time teaching, so to be completely honest it's a massive slog for me to keep motivated and positive for him doing all this by myself. His father is utterly useless and does NONE of the work with him.

I just don't know what to do. This whole process is killing me, I am utterly exhausted. Hearing what he said has just knocked me for six. All this money and time I've invested and endless motivation when I've been on my knees after hard days at work. And I've upset him.

I'm sad and confused and I don't know what to do. I have asked him multiple times if it's because he doesn't want to carry on and he always says he doesn't want to give up.

What do I do?

@explainthistomeplease language times have indeed changed. To get an A* in French GCSE this year, you had to get 90% (according to my son's teacher). At my son's superselective grammar, getting an 8 or a 9 in a language now is much more difficult than it used to be (even 2 or 3 years ago when my elder 2 were given TAGs).

This is very true. Tutored to the hilt.

To get a grade 9 in AQA (the most popular) GCSE French this year you needed to score just under 80% (188/240), not 90%.

Is your child’s teacher talking about IGCSE I wonder as they reference A-star?

No, I meant a 9..and not iGCSEs. I don't know what board they do but that's what he said in a parents evening..that to get the top grades now, it is very very much harder than it used to be!

@Panicmode1 well Edexcel is the only other commonly sat MFL GCSE, and a 9 in that this year was 230/280 so that’s a bit over 80%.

No one says a 9 is easy to gain, esp not in MFL. I know lots of non-native speakers who gained 7-8-9 in MFL GCSE in recent years (not talking TAGS).

@explainthistomeplease i absolutely agree with you. The school struggles to retain language teachers. My son’s German teacher left at the end of the summer term, which answered a lot of questions, eg the ratio of cover lessons to taught lessons in his GCSE year.

He achieved a 4 in German, which is a minor miracle. For a selective grammar school you would expect higher. His vocabulary is poor. Yes, much of this is down to him, but the lack of apparent enthusiasm from the teacher can’t have helped.

The boys are mandated to take a minimum 10 GCSEs, but only 8 count towards 6th form snd most uni applications. Many therefor decide which two they’re not going to bother with. When you hear the boys grades, it’s very clear which ones. Languages and a science are top of the drop list. 3 sciences is also the rule. It’s a shame for those more inclined to humanities and limits their future options.

If I could turn back the click, I’d have swerved the grammar school system completely. It’s not fit for purpose and, I don’t believe, sets children up well for the workplace of the future. I work in HR consulting and I don’t believe my son has the skills needed. The curriculum is out of date.

the grades are based on a bell curve. If a 9 this year was 80 or 90%, this suggests the standard was high this year. The marking is supposedly moderated to ensure it’s fair. The pass percentage drops if candidates were scoring low.

Your son will have received the grade boundaries with or just after his results. They showed that in 3 x subjects he was one point off the next grade. We didn’t pay to get his remarked, he had what he needed for 6th form and has no intention of going to Oxbridge to study medicine or similar that might look at GCSEs. For him they were a gateway to A levels. Some parents paid 3 x £45 per subject to get remarked papers. Why? A 6, 7 or 8 is great. It all circles back, in my opinion, to the 11+ and social standing.

Two mums who give no hoots about my son’s or my wellbeing asked “how he got on.” I gave my usual, “could not have done better” with a grin. They take from this what they like. I know one of them was “amazed” and apparently pretty cross that he got straight 9s and her son didn’t. He didn’t and I didn’t say that he did! It’s all utter madness.

@ThanksItHasPockets i stand corrected. My son said there was nothing below a 4 when I questioned how boys got Us, assuming a U must literally be a blank paper. It was approx 20 out of 200z

AQA grade boundaries for 2023 https://filestore.aqa.org.uk/over/stat_pdf/AQA-GCSE-GDE-BDY-JUN-2023.PDF

@Panicmode1 @explainthistomeplease the AQA grade boundaries for 2023 https://filestore.aqa.org.uk/over/stat_pdf/AQA-GCSE-GDE-BDY-JUN-2023.PDF

Your son is correct with regards to the higher paper. The boys you mention should have been entered for the foundation tier and it is an appalling failure on the part of the school that they were allowed to drop off the bottom of the scale and achieve Us. I’m genuinely shocked. That would never happen in any comprehensive where I have worked.

@ThanksItHasPockets and this is where the grammar system fails most. Much of it “snobbery.” A foundation 5 or 4 is a GCSE 5 or 4. A higher U is a GCSE U🤷‍♀️. There has to be accountability in the teaching too. The results can have been a complete surprise. One of two maybe.

The higher than I imagined number who didn’t get the magic 48 to get into 6th form also shocked me. This had only ever been wafted as a passive aggressive “don’t let this be you.” Not once from the year 6 meetings through year 11 was an average percentage given. Tbh, initially I was sucked into the understanding that all will leave with 8s and 9s. I wondered how so many could be so strong across the curriculum. I was right to wonder.

How did things turn out for your DS @AlwaysReadyNeverSteady ? I’ve just read the whole thread (we’re in a similar situation preparing my DD for 11+ this September) and didn’t realise until too late that this was two years ago! I really hope things turned out well, whether he passed or not.

Really feel sorry for your kid here. So what if he has just had a break...he works hard all week at school and then his mum tutors him when he gets home! It sounds miserable.

To be clear-he will have had 1:1 tutoring for 2 years by the time he takes the test?

Is it for one of the super selective grammars?

Given that he took the 11+ in September 2023 I don't think that will have been the case, no.