How do Asians and East Europeans e.g. manages to successfully to get their kids to revise long hours?

[examitis]

I'm not generalising here but, yeah I guess I am, based on speaking with some of my Asian and Russian friends, so am aware of how much their kids study for exams. Right through primary and now in early secondary.

Some started their revision after Christmas, others have been doing 10am-4pm stints over Easter hols preparing for end-of-year exams, on top of playing numerous instruments or sports or chess.

Before anyone says, 'poor kids, what about their social life and friends', the children I know who have a busy study schedule, all seem well adjusted. Maybe some do less sports than other kids but, on the whole, they're lovely.

A few of these kids are super bright thought most are like all the other kids in terms of ability, but they really seem to ace some of the tests (and get music exams) due to their incredible commitment and time spent revising.

Getting my kids to sit down for even an hour is like pulling teeth. One of mine is gifted but lazy!

I'd like to receive some advice on how to instill that drive and tips for how to structure revision and the after-school day. If at all possible.

Thanks.

Have you asked your friends?

Err just ask your friends. And yes, you are generalising.

You only hear about the successful ones. You don't hear about the burnout or the ones with additional needs that those systems fail.

I was one of those kids. I wasn't allowed to leave my desk until x time and I was expected to get top grades (which I did). I did it because I wanted to do well and because I was scared of my mum's reaction if I failed. Those were the 80s and she would have told me off big time!

Generally speaking it's due to establishing authoritarian rule from a very,very young age, positioning parents as the unquestionable authority and demanding absolute obedience with harsh consequences for deviation. They then set incredibly high standards from very young and police these stringently, so the child is conditioned to believe that the only accepted level of achievement is excellence.

Basically if you didn't start while they were still in nappies, and if your children aren't afraid of you, you're probably shit out of luck.

Same here. The answer to your question, OP is “fear”.

Generalising, but its a culture thing. A high value is placed on education from basically birth and aspirations to become doctors or lawyers. You only have to read mumsnet, especially over lockdown, to see the attitude is let kids be kids, leave the homeschooling if you're struggling, they've had a hard time let them enjoy the summer etc etc. My opinion won't be popular and as I said it is a generalisation but it is what it is.

I agree with this. It's not generally a UK concept. I'm sure there are some UK parents like this but I would say they are a minority.
It's a cultural thing.

Big culture thing. Kids are brought up differently and there are variations within those cultures too. I can only speak for polish culture I was brought up around but if you failed it was seen as a family failure. My mum wasn't my friend and she made that clear. I think some people see it as evil but it made me feel safe. As a society too, a kid who fails would be met with comments like 'who raised him' etc rather than they're just plain stupid.
As a country in general they also place much more value on academic achievement and achievement of the citizens. This doesn't translate to jobs necessarily lol. It is slowly changing though but in my day, failing would have you and your family marked as a Jeremy Kyle candidate so it was a mix of shame and authority.

It's just engrained. That kind of compliance and the way they see their parents, and their duty. Says ds1, who says all the Asian, Malaysian, dc at his school have always been like this, all the way through school since year 7, in fact even in primary, and very much so still at A'level stage.

This. Or the ones that really resent their parents because of the parents’ horrible treatment of them when they “fail”.

This OP.
Also more awareness - of the children- of the reality around us and the impact of education. E.g. I was reading multiple newspapers from age 10 (when our country's revolution happened and we started getting a free press).
Also awareness of the reality of life in poorer / home countries (no UC, various benefits etc.)
My brother went (slightly) off the rails as a teenager for a couple of years but pulled up his socks in light of the above and still ended up a surgeon.

I’ve worked in education in an Asian country and in that location at least I’d agree with the other posters - it is a totally different culture both in terms of the value placed on education and parenting. Fear and obligation built into the culture of filial piety.

having said that I was a very diligent student myself at school, but it was largely because I was terrified of failing and disappointing people. So different context but similar themes with upbringing really!!

It always makes me think of a boy I was at school with, I didn't know him well as he was quiet but he was friendly and always had great grades and high aspirations. He was the same at college, never came on nights out but would sit with our friend group at breaks and he was set to go to a very good university.

One of his friends told us later that his grades slipped in the first term at uni and he completed suicide.

Frankly? Knowing the consequences of failure…. in countries where :

• There are no benefits


• Very few professional jobs enabling a good living


• Being kept out of said jobs without a good degree.

I know people think the U.K. is deteriorating, benefits aren’t enough blah2 but being in a country where it’s not even a consideration puts the fear of poverty into you like nothing else. It’s why we’re so compliant, why we work such long hours.

Well-off Asian migrants don’t need to do that, but they still pass the attitude on to their children.

Read “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”. A classic. :-)

This. It starts when you’re born, not when you’re about to take your GCSEs. It’s a cultural thing and it involves children having this concept of respect and obedience ingrained in them.

Don’t get me wrong, my family comes from a similar country and they were still very loving and allowed us to be kids too. I didn’t grow up in fear, so it is possible to do it without being this mean authoritative figure to your child.

But, they were very clear from as early as nursery - we were meant to work harder than they had done (difficult to beat that, I tell you!) so we could get better jobs and have a better quality of life.

Being an immigrant also has a big play in this. I’m Spanish born and bred so naturally a bit more chilled than my E European grandparents - but now I’ve emigrated myself I get it more. When you move somewhere else (not as an expat, but an economic migrant due to lack of opportunities in your home country) you put more pressure on yourself to perform well. That involves ‘beating’ the locals. Otherwise why bother, just stay home and be comfortably mediocre there. So there is even more of a reason to work hard when you’re an immigrant.

Also to add : I’m Singaporean, I’m certainly lax with my DC because the U.K. is more flexible. There are so many ways for people to get additional qualifications, work up to a degree, even get on graduate schemes with a 2:1 from a ‘low ranked’ university. People with say performing arts degrees can go into good jobs.

If I was back home however you can GUARANTEE that I’d be a Tiger Mother 😂

A lot of support from parents. Time spent revising/practising with them or hiring people to help. Hard working, ambitious parents with an expectation that their children will work hard and do well. In some cases fear, but certainly not in all. I know plenty of English parents who are similar, but a lot pretend they are laid back and that it all comes naturally to their gifted children.

I'd say it's less to do with race and more to do with who is seen as responsible for the education of the child, which also comes with the expectation of ownership.

In the UK, some children and families see it as entirely their responsibility to ensure they are educated and act accordingly. Some children and families see it as entirely the school's responsibility and act accordingly. Most children and families fall somewhere in the middle and have varying degrees of ownership over learning.

I have, but they didn't really explain it like some of the people on here. As I said, generalising but even my friends say it's generally true!

Interesting, thank you.

Haha, yes, definitely failed there then!

Haha, yes definitely failed there then! ;)