Private Schools- worth it?

[SparkyPants]

My dad is coming to the end of yr7 in a local senior school.
It's not been great (shitty year accounted for- still not great)
As with many, we've seen a Massive shift in personality, drive, ambition and desire to engage.
We've done our sims and can send her to a local private school.
I'm looking for people's experiences and perspectives please!?

Assume we're not speaking about your dad here. We paid for our two and it was worth every penny.

Go for it, but not all private schools are equal, however the environment is often more conducive to learning. Just bear in mind, most private schools have a year 7 entry so a chance place might be harder to come by, but I assume you've scoped it all out. I think your DD will also need to try and distance herself from her old friend group to have a fresh start. Good luck.

Worth every penny and sacrifice

It will depend entirely on the school concerned, and whether it is the best school for your DD.

We considered a private selective girls school for our three bright DDs. All I can say is that I am so glad we didn't go for it. They all went to the nearby mixed large comprehensive. Oldest two have graduated from uni with firsts, both now doing PhDs. The youngest is still at the school and aiming for Oxbridge. None have ever had anything less than an A in any exam. We have saved our family something in the region of £300,000. That's a lot to pay for at best a couple of A*s more than they actually achieved - and there's no guarantee of that anyway.
All have turned out lovely young adults, not entitled, confident, calm under pressure, and never suffered from an over-competitive environment.
If you have a reasonable state school in your area, your kids will do just fine. And if they have to be a bit more independent in their learning because of larger class sizes, it's good practice for uni and beyond. Support from home can make up for a lot of school shortcomings.

Mine thriving at an academic girls state school. Would make no sense for us to pay with this available

Dd1 got all 8s and 9s in her year 10 mocks and has a lovely group of friends. She does her sport at a local club. Struggling to see what the value added is. We are both state educated are solicitors and dh went to Cambridge.

Surely it depends on what the other options around you are? If you have great state schools nearby, the decision is easier. If she's already struggling in state, and there aren't other state schools nearby that she could switch to - then it's definitely worth looking at the local private schools to see what provisions they have.

It's not just the grades, but the extracurricular activities and opportunities, and pastoral care that you need to consider. Does she want to move school?

How do you define 'worth it'?

I have a few friends who were privately educated. One group went to a very expensive well known private school and the others went to a small private school. None of those that went to the small private school have anything to shout about in terms of academics or careers (only one out of the five have what I suspect most MN would consider a career). Those that attended the expensive school are all lawyers/doctors/accountants/bankers/entrepreneurs but I'm also one of those and I attended the sort of state school that MNs dread.

However, based on what my friends have told me it seems that their school experience was much more enriching than what I had. Their school trips sound amazing (I was lucky to go to a nearby theme park) and they had many more opportunities in terms of music, sport and other activities which I didn't have so on that basis these would be worth it for me if I could afford it.

Totally not worth it in my opinion (and experience)

Yeah some of the bells and whistles are nice

But really, I think it’s a bit of a con, in most situations (exception is if your local company is really bad, rough, unthinkable)

From our local private schools:
1.) has a massive problem with bullying of SN kids
2.) a girls school, massive issues with anxiety and eating disorders, but yes lovely high grades and everyone does instruments etc
3.) academic selective school: not very good pastoral care, it’s all about grades, kids join for the sport but only a tiny minority get into the teams etc etc

It’s not all greener on the other side

You may not be able to afford the things you would if your DD stayed at state school, it does cost, but if you are up for it then do it.

It’s absolutely worth it. It’s not just about grades, it’s about the whole experience. I took my dd out, I was fed up with her being used to try and improve other students’ behaviour. She was fed up with lessons being disrupted constantly by some students who didn’t care about learning, and didn’t care if they ruined the lessons for everyone.
I felt for the teachers, they have a very difficult job. There were also far too many cover lessons, where nothing was actually achieved, again down to disruptive students.
Once she had moved, dd could actually enjoy, rather than endure school and felt she could achieve her potential, and was encouraged to do so. It was like a breath of fresh air.
I know the old cliche that a bright child will do well anywhere, but I think that is not relevant anymore. The education crisis makes it worse for our children than when we were at school.

Asking for other people’s general experiences doesn’t sound like it will help you given some of the replies. Sure if you’re at a great state school or at least one that’s meeting her needs, then some of the comments make sense, but your post didn’t indicate that. Your wording implies you’re worried that staying at that school will mean your dd continues to not engage and not make the most of her potential. Only you can know if you think that may change with the school because if she really won’t engage now then no matter what the school can offer, she might not take advantage of it. Instead would a bit of professional private counselling help her to identify what has changed and how she can re-find her drive and ambition, before making any decisions?

If the problem has been the school and she might flourish somewhere else that suits her better and that can give her what she needs, then I’d say go for it. We don’t regret making a similar decision, but it has to be for the right reasons and the right school. As has been repeated up thread, not all schools are the same and not all kids fit the same schools.

Good luck OP.

Ours went to state school until year 6 then single sex private. They've all done really well and have lovely friends. It's impossible to say if it was worth it financially, it is crippling. I'd do it again though. But I would only do it if the school was really excellent, both academically and extra curricular. They also have a huge alumni network that give them advice on uni and careers, which is helpful. Our local state school is fine and some do very well there.

There were a lot of very disruptive boys at the state school. If you were in the top sets academically then you missed them, but drop a set or two and it would be constant crowd control. Dd3 in particular found them infuriating and is delighted to be in a class full of hard working girls.

Depends on the school, some are amazing, others not so much - remember if you have an entrance exam and parents are motivated enough to pay the kids are already advantaged so it's no surprise they get good results, it's the support, the culture of the school etc you need to check . Also worth trying to negotiate fees, they need more bums on seats!

Also worth trying to negotiate fees, they need more bums on seats! 🤣🤣 our school is totally full now for three years!

Our school gained pupils during lockdown. I think many parents are worried about the lack of funding for catch-up plans for state schools, and are quietly making the move to private if they can.

No. Not imo. I don't actually like the privately educated kids of my friends. They are not as kind, less street wise, less broad minded and obsessively materialistic.

If I didn't have a good state option then I'd consider it but any reasonable state school beats an exclusive private school in my opinion.

But then we're both Oxbridge via state school so probably biased! Do what is right for you!

Not for us no. However they’re at an outstanding state school where behaviour, pastoral care results and ethos is excellent. They’ve done brilliantly as have all their friends and have the same uni offers as their privately educated friends. I don’t think they have been disadvantaged at all. However, if this wasn’t an option we would have gone privately

No. Not imo. I don't actually like the privately educated kids of my friends. They are not as kind, less street wise, less broad minded and obsessively materialistic

Gosh. Maybe it's you that isn't broad minded. I'm sure there are plenty of state school kids that could also fit that description!

All of you saying it's not worth it, would you leave a child in the state school after a year of massive shift in personality, drive, ambition and desire to engage? That's what the OP is asking and a lot of people seem to be ignoring the question.

OP it's not a state school vs private school question, it's about what is suitable for your DD. How would she feel about moving? What actually are the issues?

For us every penny. Not one single state school in our London Borough offered a choice of mfl, a classical language and three sciences.

DD got a place at the holy grail cofe in a neighbouring Borough. It was run like apartheid with different rules for the haves and have nots. Disruption was disgraceful, standards were declining and I saw nothing that evidenced it's outstanding label. We moved her at the end of Y8 and should have done so at the end of Y7.

Interestingly not one single girl who stayed at that school to upper 6th went to Oxbridge or on to do medicine in dd's cohort. Many were cleverer than dd. Those who left did.

Therefore in my experience if you can spare them, it's worth every single penny.

How can anyone here have an opinion who havent used the private system? Meeting a couple of DC who go private doesnt reflect the entire private school cohort. Of course the DC end up at the same uni. Private education only makes up around 7% of DC. They dont all end up in Oxbridge , in fact most dont.

As for your question, if your opting for private the expectation to achieve is clear. Your expected to be working at least a year ahead. There will also be extra curricular opportunities which help those that may not be in top sets acacdemically but may be good at drama, art, sport , chess etc etc. The private system will push and drive your DC in the area that they are good at. Some of my DS friends are playing for england in sport, rugby, football, cricket etc. not everything is about ending up at uni.

No one can say if the school your choosing will change your DD but I would advise you visit, check the achievements of the DC they take and make sure your DD likes it. There is also no guarantee she will be offered a space as most privates will expect you to do an entrance exam and is highly competitive. Although I appreciate I am basing that on London schools.

Thank you all for your responses and given me a lot to think about.
Yes, she wants to consider moving.
Local state schools are all pretty shite as we're in a generally deprived area.
I think other have touched on the overall enrichment and pastoral that we're hoping for.
School visit arranged for later this week 👍 we'll leave it to dd to tell us what she truly thinks 😊