Private Schools- worth it?

[SparkyPants]

My dad is coming to the end of yr7 in a local senior school.
It's not been great (shitty year accounted for- still not great)
As with many, we've seen a Massive shift in personality, drive, ambition and desire to engage.
We've done our sims and can send her to a local private school.
I'm looking for people's experiences and perspectives please!?

I think if she's wanting to move and happy to see another school then go with the flow and see what your instinct is when you visit. There's a lot of I went to a state school and ended up at Oxbridge on this thread but I doubt those people were struggling to engage while they were at their state school. I also went to a state school and ended up at med school but that's irrelevant to what you are asking here. FWIW my own DD is at an academic girls private school and having a very different experience to me. She doesn't have the constant disruption in class, people throwing chairs at the teachers (this probably doesn't happen anywhere now) etc etc.

If she is expressing that she would like to consider moving, now is a good time to do some research, a few girls joined my DD's school in year 8.

My ds is capable but lacking confidence. But year 5 he was bored stupid and by year 6 he was angry and disengaged.

The local catchment senior school is 1,600 pupils, with unimpressive results and discipline. They're too big to bother about anyone except the top 5% and the bottom 5%.

I scraped the money together and sent him to a local small independent. The difference is amazing. He is happy, engaged, enthusiastic, comes home and wants to do his homework. For him, a smaller school is a better fit.

Get your child to do some taster days and go with her, and your, instincts.

Having experience of both, I'd say private has more to offer in terms of 'full' experience. Think it makes half a grades difference attending a private school, so it's not all about the grades more often than not. I'd personally target the schools who have handled the whole covid learning experience well paying attention to the pastoral side particularly.

Sorry op but it’s a daft question there are too many variables. It’s not as simple as private school good state school bad. But yes if your child isn’t thriving and is keen to move definitely do so. Anecdotally All the friends who have moved unhappy dc (both state and private) have been really glad they did so.

It's too broad a question really as there re too many variables.

If you narrow it down to "should I consider private education for my Y7 dd who's having an unhappy time at her school" then surely the answer is yes you should consider it. Way up all everything it offers against everything the existing school doesn't.

If the school you're considering addresses the problems then yes it could be worth it.

Education is about so much more than aiming for Oxbridge - it's about enjoying the journey and having inspirational teachers who broaden your horizons. Independent and state schools can both offer this - but not all do.

My same age dds all girl state school has some incredible teachers she has a lovely group of friends and has top results in mocks and is happy. So for us paying for a school would be insane. You are in a very different scenario in your shoes yes I would switch if possible

They can be worth it but make sure there is a good fit between your child and the school. I'm three years in with my boy at a selective independent school and am realising that it's great for boys who are extremely bright and highly motivated (and who would do well anywhere) but offer little for those who aren't like that. I thought for the money I paid, I'd get teaching that would whip him into shape (if you know what I mean) and make him achieve the best he can be but it's not the case and it's very disappointing. They are left to languish. Parents I know are now getting tutors to supplement the school's teaching. Of course, if these boys do
well, the school will then take the credit. Feels all a bit of a racket to me.

DD is going into her last year at local state school ‘HRHS’, (based on league tables HRHS is in the lower third of Scottish State secondary schools). Private was never an option for us but we did seriously consider moving house so DD would be in the catchment of a state school in top 10%.

After visiting HRHS we were very impressed by the teaching staff, current students & the facilities. We had also come to the conclusion there are good & bad teachers in all schools, disruptive students etc and if DD wanted to work hard and learn she would do well wherever she went. So DD went to her local ‘not very desirable’ school. Before starting she knew she had to pick her friendship groups carefully, I.e., don’t get involved with the class clowns etc. Over the years she has had to put up with & sometimes sit with & help calm disruptive students, help less able students with their learning etc, but you know what, it’s made her a better less selfish young lady.

Fast forward 5 years, DD has a fantastic friendship group, has a great relationship with teachers & senior leadership team at the school and is going into her final year in August.

Oh and did I mention she was awarded 5 ‘A’ grades in her provisional Higher results a few weeks ago? She couldn’t have done any better at a private school.

Maybe she would have had more extra circular activities at a private school, but I’m more than happy with the education & experiences she’s received so far at her state school.

Good luck with whatever you choose SparkyPants.

Depends entirely on

1. local state provision. Don't assume the private is better just because it is private. State schools can have far better teachers, better teacher pensions, better teacher training, better management set ups, and, REALLY importantly, do not have to sweep things under a carpet if a child from a family that is paying several sets of fees is bullying/misbehavbing.
2. Your finances. Work backwards. Have you got a good pension, Uni contributions saved (£500 per child per month, even if they take out a loan) Do you own your house outright so that you can downsize and help with house deposits for your children, which will be the biggest determinant of their security in later life.
3. child's personality. fee paying is worth it if they take up the extra curricular offer.

Good for her Donegal. My concern for state was lack of sport but dds do sports out of school and actually had drinks with private school mums last week who were saying unless your child was excellent at the sport in the top team and you are in “the clique” you are ignored as they only interested in the top sporty kids. Their normal kids were languishing sports wise.

It really depends on what you have access to in terms of state and private schools and also your finances. Everyone’s situation is different. No point in anyone telling you their kids have done so amazingly well in state of the state you have access too is not a good fit or that private is a waste of money if you can get into a brilliant inclusive and supportive private school.
But it’s great you are considering options and have an ear open for your daughter’s wealth fare. There are all sorts of places out there!
I also think it is never bad timing to move school if you actually need to leave where you are !
All the best ! You are in the right track.

It's been worth every penny, especially through lockdown, I hope it works out for you

I agree that the Q is too broad.

It all depends on how bad the SPECIFIC state school options available to you are, how good the SPECIFIC independent options available to you are and YOUR financial situation in terms of how much sacrifice paying fees would make.

So, if you were pretty well off and lived somewhere where state schools were truly terrible and the independent yourDC could attend was absolutely astonishing , it might be worth it.

However, if the state schools were really good (and lots of places do have great ones) but the independents were pretty mediocre (and lots are) then it clearly wouldn’t be worth it, unless you had so much money you wouldn’t notice the fees gone from it….and even then you could be having a worse education.

Do t fall I to the trap if grouping all state schools together as somehow ‘bad’ or all independents as ‘good’. There is huge variety.

Start by considering what you really value in education and how you’re going to measure how well each schoolyiur child could actually attend, is doing at providing it. Until you do that, there is no possibility of meaningful comparison.

Do you value academic achievement, small class sizes, not being with as many challenging children, fancy facilities, big name school, going to school locally, having plenty of spare cash at the end of the month, wrap around care????

For most people it’s not affordable anyway and for most for whom it will be a real stretch to pay fees, the gain probably isn’t worth it. Instead, moving house to be closer to really good state schools can make more sense. If £15-20k is a lot of money for you each year (as it is for most) then the gains of the fee paying option over the state option need to be really significant to justify it. Those gains are significant enough for some, but not most.

As others have said, it’s difficult to make generalisation and we can only speak of our own personal/children’s experience and anecdotes from those we know.

So my tuppence worth... I went to a lovely primary school (or that was my opinion through the eyes of a child).
The school was single form, we had concrete playground, a large field and adventure playground we used in the summer, a nature area with a pond and an outdoor 15m pool. This was a state school and we just happened to live in the catchment area - my parents had no concept of this, it was pure luck. Sounds bloody amazing and my memories are very much of a lovely childhood.

I was naturally bright, motivated, passed 11+, went to grammar, sailed through, went to university and studied a highly competitive degree and all’s good.

My children go to private school - started in reception.
They have all the above plus opportunities I never had - orchestra, strings/woodwind/percussion/piano/drums/rock clubs, choir, dedicated music lessons, drama,. PE is hockey, netball, tennis, cricket, athletics, football not climbing ropes in vest & knickers. Design technology- doing work in Y3 that I did in Y7.
They love doing sport, even though they are not brilliant at it. Want to try out for squads, excited about sports day, competitions within the school and between schools.

In secondary, I had no idea where to begin with the sports and no really coaching, squads or competitive sports. There is a high drop out rate of girls from sports when they hit puberty and so being introduced to sports/games for the first time at age 11 is not really going to cut it for many.
There was an orchestra which anyone could sign up to but I played piano so that didn’t work. No other opportunities to join a music club.

This may make no difference to their lives long term or this could give them the chance to develop a hobby, passion or career. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be 1000s down the drain?
I am pretty sure that if my DCs local school was just like the one I remember from my childhood, I would be delighted to send them there especially if their life turned out the way mine did in terms of education and career. But now I see what they have, I would find it difficult not to chose the same again.

@365sleepstogo I gave up sport as a teen because my top indie only was really interested in the top pupils. Just to balance out the ideal world you paint. I spiralled into other ‘hobbies’ that I was good at - drinking, smoking in the bushes, anorexia. A atmosphere of excellence is not what many teenage girls, befuddled by emerging hormones and identity issues, thrive in. It takes a special kind of fee paying school to manage to scoop up the normal kids whilst pushing forward the exceptional kids who help with their marketing campaigns!

Anorexia is dealt with very strictly and the school acknowledges they may not always provide the best environment - anorexic teens asked to stay at home and be educated remotely. Which I think is fair enough others may find harsh

@Bryonyshcmyony
Why does the school admit it doesn’t provide the best atmosphere? What do you mean by that? What is the best atmosphere?

It doesn't pretend to be able to provide the best help for a teen suffering with serious anorexia and I think they are mindful that it can be socially contagious so prefer girls to be supported by the school but based at home. I think it's a fairly standard viewpoint now in all girls private schools

Sorry should have said its a boarding school not a day school

My friend was at a very grand girls boarding school slightest sign of eating disorder you were out - as other girls would copy and school wouldn’t be able to attract new pupils. Seems it’s still going on but couched in new age language “better supported at home” is a polite way of saying get the hell out!

@MsTSwift

My friend was at a very grand girls boarding school slightest sign of eating disorder you were out - as other girls would copy and school wouldn’t be able to attract new pupils. Seems it’s still going on but couched in new age language “better supported at home” is a polite way of saying get the hell out!

This is absolute rubbish, dds good friend is at home part of the term and at school as much as she can tolerate, she's a lovely kid and feels very supported

Not sure where all this tailored support is in state schools tbh!

It’s not there of course. There aren’t the funds. No one would say otherwise 🙄. Local private schools wouldn’t touch my friends son (bright but high functioning autism) with a barge pole so I am not sure all private schools particularly “supportive” either…

I am sure not all are. That's different to implying than none are. I get that you hate private schools though and think the kids aren't very nice.

And he should have tried for Winchester which is where two friends of mine have sent their HFA sons and are very happy with it.