Private Schools- worth it?

[SparkyPants]

My dad is coming to the end of yr7 in a local senior school.
It's not been great (shitty year accounted for- still not great)
As with many, we've seen a Massive shift in personality, drive, ambition and desire to engage.
We've done our sims and can send her to a local private school.
I'm looking for people's experiences and perspectives please!?

@YellowSunshineSky

My DS went to a private school for years 5 & 6. I moved him as his primary school went into special measures.

I and he mostly loved the school, small classes, amazing sports facilities and trips. But there was also more pressure eg suddenly he had so much homework, and it felt like he wasn't allowed to be a child.

As a state educated kid myself I found some of it a bit much, I felt that all the luxuries meant my kid missed out on a sense of what life is really like.

I wanted him to go to the same grammar school as his older brother, but he just missed out. He got into our local state school instead. I fretted long abd hard over whether to send him there or to another private school.

We went state and I found year 7 very tough, it wasn't cool to learn etc. Some of the behaviour I heard about really worried me. But by year 9 he's doing really well. I think he'll get the same grades he would have got in private school. I like it that he's exposed to a wide demographic of kids. He loves it that all his school friends live locally. And I've saved loads of money.

I think that's what puts me off for my kids.

Our eldest is in state but I enquired about a local private school on the lead up. The process was:

• half day assessment for DC (who at this point was 4!)

• headmaster interview for DC (again, at age 4)

• interview with the parents (obviously to see if we 'fit' the school)

And then they would CONSIDER whether to offer. This was enough to remind myself of what private school is like - the pressure, the lack of being 'children'... that was enough to put me off!!

DD went to a private school. DS (Yr8) does not but it's considered a very good school and I thought I'd be happy with it. I know there's been the terrible disruption with the pandemic, but I've not been impressed by the last term. He hasn't even had any homework ffs!

For the first time I've wished he could have gone to DD's school but I can no longer afford it. Hopefully things will be better next year because I'm gutted tbh.

If you can afford it, do it.

Yep - worth every penny

Personally I think there are a few variables here.

The area you live, the caliber and performance of the state schools, if there are grammar schools and then the performance of the private school (taking into consideration the fees)

There are a few things in mind when talking about private schools. They have entrance exams and high fees, so this automatically will enhance their league table performance as they are only taking ‘the brightest’, it’s not necessarily a result of the teachers skills or the learning environment as a whole. They aren’t subject to ofsted. They are often (but not always) single sex.

I went to an all girls high school and I hated every second. Bullying was rampant and staff did nothing about it, unfortunately often they would join in. Unfortunately quite a few people I went to school with have since committed suicide and it can be traced back to the bullying they faced. Eating disorders too we’re rampant. We had a year group of 100 and I can name at least 10 girls in one year group that were either anorexic or bulimic. In terms of fees mine was £10k back in the early 00s, and I achieved so-so (red brick Uni but not oxbridge). Can’t say how I’d have performed if I went to the local state school, but because the area I grew up in is quite well-to-do, that’s actually quite a good school too. I’d say of those who stayed for 6th form 98% went to Uni, but it was never presented as a choice, it was more like now you do your Uni applications and that was that (could have been a sign of the times though).
Academic opportunity wise, I can’t deny that there were more opportunities to learn than in a local state school (Latin, Ancient Greek, Italian, economics etc)

@Hoopa how odd! The money would have been a huge stretch for us, so it's a relief to be able to afford an annual holiday and to not have to make the financial sacrifices I'd have had to make if we'd sent him private.

Thanks re my son, I'm very proud of how he's doing.

[quote YellowSunshineSky]@Hoopa how odd! The money would have been a huge stretch for us, so it's a relief to be able to afford an annual holiday and to not have to make the financial sacrifices I'd have had to make if we'd sent him private.

Thanks re my son, I'm very proud of how he's doing.[/quote]
Yes the money aspect is a killer

@Hoopa

I think the most anyone can learn from this thread is that it is a draw between state and private, a very personal decision and that happy thriving adults can be produced from either sector.

This is so true. My DS is still friends with kids from his two years at private primary, so at his football club there are boys from his current state secondary, boys who go to the local grammar and boys that go to private secondaries. This whole group all come across as polite considerate bright boys and as they grow up I don't think we'll see huge differences in uni placement or career chances.

I guess the ones at grammar and private schools might be better connected maybe as there are no doubt a higher proportion of middle-class high achiever types at those schools. The ones at the private school will have more access to high-quality sports and music opportunities.

It’s so lovely to have the choice to send her - you are very very lucky to be able to afford it. My preschooler is incredibly bright but we have no hope of a private education for her. It probably depends on your DD, the school in question, and whether the financial sacrifice is manageable for the family as a whole.

Mine on full scholarship

Would I pay if not?

I’d crawl over hot coals

@LepersofRuggedIsland

It’s so lovely to have the choice to send her - you are very very lucky to be able to afford it. My preschooler is incredibly bright but we have no hope of a private education for her. It probably depends on your DD, the school in question, and whether the financial sacrifice is manageable for the family as a whole.

If “incredibly bright” Wait to see how fares at primary and then perhaps try for a scholarship

@Scaredycat87 I think I’ll look into it. There is a nearby grammar school which might fit the bill. I grew up in Scotland where the state education was fantastic - I’m not so sure that’s the case around here.

@PhiRhoSigma

We considered a private selective girls school for our three bright DDs. All I can say is that I am so glad we didn't go for it. They all went to the nearby mixed large comprehensive. Oldest two have graduated from uni with firsts, both now doing PhDs. The youngest is still at the school and aiming for Oxbridge. None have ever had anything less than an A in any exam. We have saved our family something in the region of £300,000. That's a lot to pay for at best a couple of A*s more than they actually achieved - and there's no guarantee of that anyway. All have turned out lovely young adults, not entitled, confident, calm under pressure, and never suffered from an over-competitive environment. If you have a reasonable state school in your area, your kids will do just fine. And if they have to be a bit more independent in their learning because of larger class sizes, it's good practice for uni and beyond. Support from home can make up for a lot of school shortcomings.

I totally agree. Ds1 has just finished Highers (Alevels) at local comprehensive- he got 90% + in all 5 subjects and received the Dux prize. My exH and MIL wanted him to go private, I refused and here we are. DS2 is also looking to be very similar. Think very hard about it.

* I think that's what puts me off for my kids.*

Our eldest is in state but I enquired about a local private school on the lead up. The process was:

-* half day assessment for DC (who at this point was 4!)*

• *headmaster interview for DC (again, at age 4)*

- interview with the parents (obviously to see if we 'fit' the school)

The assessment process and interview would have been very very gentle and she appropriate

And it would not have been an “interview” with the parents. Probably and informal meet and coffee and more about you asking questions about the school

age appropriate I meant to say

Many variables as pp said

We’ve used both and have excellent state but also about to start academic private

I think yes worth it but also state can be very good.

If state isn’t good or other factor it can tip balance either way.

[quote LepersofRuggedIsland]@Scaredycat87 I think I’ll look into it. There is a nearby grammar school which might fit the bill. I grew up in Scotland where the state education was fantastic - I’m not so sure that’s the case around here.[/quote]
Interesting. Perhaps that's the difference in my decision: comprehensive here in Scotland means a wide range of pupils, a genuine cross section of the community. I do think the whole grammar/ academy system in England/ Wales feeds into the negativity about comprehensive education.

@Scaredycat87

* I think that's what puts me off for my kids.*

Our eldest is in state but I enquired about a local private school on the lead up. The process was:

-* half day assessment for DC (who at this point was 4!)*

• *headmaster interview for DC (again, at age 4)*

- interview with the parents (obviously to see if we 'fit' the school)

The assessment process and interview would have been very very gentle and she appropriate

And it would not have been an “interview” with the parents. Probably and informal meet and coffee and more about you asking questions about the school

Yes exactly and this is what a good private will do push children gently out of their comfort zone I remember dd1 in year 4 was expected to learn and recite a longish poem and give a talk on something that interested them. I thought it was a ridiculous amount of stress for an 8 year old but she just got on with it and actually really enjoyed doing it

@Puffalicious I’m completely at sea with it all to be honest - the English system feels very alien to me. My state school experience was as you said, and attainment was pretty good across the board. Very very few people I know went to private school up there.

My DH teaches in a very deprived school not far from where we live and honestly I wouldn’t choose that for my daughter. It feels like so much more of a minefield to find something suitable.

[quote LepersofRuggedIsland]@Puffalicious I’m completely at sea with it all to be honest - the English system feels very alien to me. My state school experience was as you said, and attainment was pretty good across the board. Very very few people I know went to private school up there.

My DH teaches in a very deprived school not far from where we live and honestly I wouldn’t choose that for my daughter. It feels like so much more of a minefield to find something suitable.[/quote]
I sympathise enormously OP. The more I read about it on MN the more alien it sounds to me too. I teach up here as well. My only experience of the 2 systems is a colleague who is English but trained here, she went home as was offered a job, but ran back to Scotland after a year teaching. She is now happily here for good. I'm sure that's not the story everywhere at all, and our system has suffered enormously in recent years (Curriculum for Excellence is anything but!), but if you've grown up in the Scottish system it's quite straightforward and the English system will be alien.

Your DH will know of other schools that are recommended. Can you look into these? Or, come home? Sorry, couldn't resist. Best of luck.

I hated private school tbh. So if you do put your child there and they dont enjoy it, don't make them stay!

How on earth can it be that alien? It is better in England of course or at least educational attainment always used to be better, that may have changed

I mean Scotland has the private system too?

Huge levels of intra school socialising in our small city private and state seem to all hang out together. Dd has several private school pals from her sports club and my friends dd who is in an alternative set are very mixed. Although another friend horrified when the head of a local boarding school turned up with the police and an escapee was hiding under her own dds bed!

Interesting thread..
My dd had been state educated - infant( outstanding) and junior( Required improvement).
Since she was in junior school, we visited several private schools for her as we could afford to pay but always we found better infrastructure, more space and not much academic difference so never moved her. Instead, we paid for her extracurriculars and she could manage to have place in local orchestra and sports club. She never got any home work till date except research project every half term so had lot of time for extracurriculars.
At 11plus, she got into all the private school exams, she had applied to including the leading independent girls schools in London.
We accepted the top girl school offer but recently she received offer from partially selective school, which we felt was the perfect fit for her. After seeing both the schools, she found better infrastructure and friendly teachers in selective state and rejected the private school.
The only issue we faced in state school was some rough students and disturbed classes occasionally but that has helped her to develop resilience and better life skills.

@Bryonyshcmyony

How on earth can it be that alien? It is better in England of course or at least educational attainment always used to be better, that may have changed

Why is it better in England of course?