DH and I don't agree on secondary school

[WillowSummerSloth]

Our eldest son is in year 5 and we have been considering secondary schools. However we have different preferences and we're not sure how to resolve it. There's no arguing, just a difference of opinion.
I prefer the private school- the curriculum is broad, the sports offered are amazing, the behaviours is great. But there's the huge financial burden as we have 3 kids and we'd definitely have to make cut backs or work more.
DH feels the local secondary school is good enough. They're strict with behaviour although there are still incidents of fighting and the lessons we observed felt like there was low level disruption in some classes. However DH thinks we can supplement their education with tutoring and after school activities.
For context we earm £170k and have £110k in savings specifically for education (gifted by parents for school fees)
Please can anyone advise?? There's no right or wrong I know but I'm chewing this over constantly. I feel the private school would definitely give a better experience but it comes at a cost. Also DH worked so hard for so long and really isn't keen to take on more work. I could work more as currently only do 3.5 days but I also do all the life and child admin which is hefty!

I’d send them all to state and gift them their share of the £110k for the deposit for a house when old enough.

That to me is a better investment in their future than private school, especially when your state option is good.

@MarchingFrogs that would be me & in relation to paying out for an independent as the grammar was busting at the seams, so relevant in that context. Just done a Google & average class sizes in Secondaries are apparently 21.7 and those with classes of over 30 a small (well, ish, still not desirable!) - percentage - www.google.co.uk/amp/s/schoolsweek.co.uk/secondary-class-sizes-rise-for-fourth-year-running/amp/

Stanley, I think you might be mistaken. Perhaps confusing SEN support with EHCPs/statements? Having looked at the data for 2014/15 for Dorset, Poole and Bournemouth LAs (as they then were) there isn't a MS secondary with more than 5.3% of pupils with a statement or EHCP.

Averages aren't that helpful because some A level classes are tiny. The (excellent) grammar that we looked at said that it regularly had 32-34 in a class in Y7. Not sure how much of a problem it is. In a school with few behaviour problems, it's unlikely to cause disruption. But I would question more the workload on the teacher and the potential knock on impact of that.

If the grammar is producing excellent results and the children from hearsay and my own observation appeared to be happy then to be honest I wouldn't be questioning it and would save us the potential £105K, no hesitation. Having said that, I'm a tightarse & DH wouldn't countenance either choice anyway! What we would do ourselves isn't a template for what other people should do though, it's only opinion and there are no rights of wrongs.

Agree re: pangs for rugby pitches and honours boards @zucchinicourgette cc @SJane48S but think that is easily got over once you think about the dosh saved (DC being happy, obvs).

@10brokengreenbottles, we have been at cross purposes. I was only talking about SEN statements, and the students with them. These can present with almost nothing obvious, or indeed with historic stuff that is not longer even true.

The best guide I have to underline what I said is that when students arrived at my school in yr 9 (from middle schools) we all obviously had to be aware of all statemented children, and I entered them all on the spread sheets for my classes. In the lower ablility groups between 1/4 and 1/2 of all students had a statement of one sort or another, in the middle groups it was about 1/4 and in the top sets there would be 2 or 3.

ECHPs are since I retired, as far as I know. Having looked them up, these are obviously for students with much more serious conditions.

My former school would cater very well for your offspring as there were students with similar conditions there and were well catered for. I still have no idea if you live in this area or are considering moving there, or if you are just trying to make some sort of point. and I really am not bothered but I will pm you with the name of the school and you can get in touch with it if you really are interested in it. I can only say that it would be a very good school for students with MS, as it is with other serious conditions. As I already said, we are used to educating children with disabilities.

Stanley, EHCPs replaced Statements! If you retired in 2015 some pupils may have already had EHCPs. It wouldn't have been possible to get a statement for "historic" needs and unlikely you would have got one for needs that were "almost nothing obvious".

I think you are confusing statements with SEN support (which at that time was made up of school action and school action +).

I am not trying to prove any point. I was intrigued by a school with supposedly so many statemented pupils because, as I said, it isn't something I, or others, have come across before. As I also said, I am looking for provision for DS1 who is in KS2. Thank you for your PM, it confirms what I thought - when you worked at the school it had below average levels of SEN.

Sorry Stanley, I have just realised you think DS1 has Multiple Sclerosis. He doesn't, MS stands for Mainstream school - as opposed to special school.

I'm sorry if this has been said before but why not ask the child what they think?

Dd1 has chosen state, her sister will be given the same choice.

I know in one way it's a big decision for an 11yo but I don't want them telling me at 14 they hate their school and me for making them go there.

DS1 is non plussed in his relaxed manner. He thought it was great but also said that he'd be happy at the other school. He is fairly easy going and doesn't have a strong opinion either way!

I think you may find he does later on when it feels more real, I had difficulty getting dd1 to really engage until she was in year 6

What are the value added scores for each school?

Does the private school offer as many choices at a level or even gcse? Your child may not want More main stream choices but might develop a passion for product design, photography, etc. Smaller schools don’t tend to offer as many subjects as you need enough pupils to make it worth running.

If you didn’t use the savings for school what would you use them for? Living costs at uni? House deposits? Because you wouldn’t use it all on tutoring.

Hi again. Thanks for all the replies. I'm reading them all with interest even if some of them aren't directly relevant to our current situation.
Interesting that a poster mentioned DS may become more engaged with the process in year 6- that would be great.
I've been thinking an awful lot about what has been written. Bizarrely I'm now thinking the state option may be 'good enough' It's not perfect but nothing is. We've still got time to decide though so it's not a final decision.
I'm answer to a previous question we'd probably use the money for uni if not for school fees.

@10brokengreenbottles, I expect you are right and I am wrong. This was never my speciality, MFL was the subject most students with learning difficulties dropped in order to facilitate the learning of others, understandably. also the School Action and ditto + may be the way I made a mistake. We just all colloquially called them "statemented", obviously this was incorrect.

Anyway, did you look at my old school with serious intent?

Yes, I have looked. It wouldn't be able to meet DS1's needs or provide the provision in his EHCP.

Either you are local to me then or prepared to move to accomodate his needs, which is rather a shame. But we all do what we have to do. It is such a shame that your choices are being narrowed by this.
I sincerely wish you all the best in your quest.
Stan