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Secondary education

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Original poster

DS wants to repeat Year 13

437 replies

user20 · 04/06/2019 11:44

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

OP posts:
BeautifulWintersMorning · 04/06/2019 14:58

I wouldn't have thought so. Could he investigate vocational courses at FE college? He could still have a good career via that

Original poster
user20 · 04/06/2019 15:54

@BeautifulWintersMorning

Yes he has applied for a course at the FE college but he has said he wants to have the option to return to school if he decides to at the end of the summer holidays.

It would be great if they did allow him back - but only under very strict conditions. As a parent, I can absolutely and fully see why they wouldn't, he has wasted their time and not just for one year, but for two!

But to play the devils advocate, they allowed some people in DS' year group to repeat Year 12 this year instead of going to year 13 this year and I believe somebody else in the year group is staying onto repeat Year 13 next year.

My friend's daughter who left the same school a few years ago failed her GCSE's and was allowed to retake year 11

OP posts:
BeautifulWintersMorning · 04/06/2019 16:03

No harm in asking the school.

Original poster
user20 · 04/06/2019 16:16

@BeautifulWintersMorning yes that's true. The worst thing that could happen here is that they turn round and say no, if that is the case, he will just have to accept it and move on

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 04/06/2019 17:45

It would be good for him to ask and for the school to say no, you’ve actually run out of chances and have to face the consequences.

It might actually make him realise that he has to sort himself out. Given another year in the same place he could well lapse back into old habits.

I assume that given his regrets and his desire to repeat a year, he has actually pulled his finger out and started working towards his ICT exam? If not, then it’s all hot air.

Original poster
user20 · 04/06/2019 21:37

@noblegiraffe oh I completely agree - I think for them to say no might actually be a good thing and yes you're right, if he were to go back again, I know deep down he'll just do the same again.

He hasn't done any work for his ict at all - he'll not pass it.

He continuously says how he regrets all this but he doesn't do anything to correct it

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 04/06/2019 22:04

A lot of teens do 3 years in 6th form instead of the usual 2. He has obviously realised he has gone wrong and that's good.
However could it be he is finding a levels hard and overwhelming. It could be he is feeling afraid of joining the adult world and leaving the familar life of school - but that a levels aren't right for him but he doesn't know what else to do. That was basically me at that age.
He needs to have a bit of a plan of what he wants to do and you need to sit down and find the correct path for it. If he doesn't want to go to uni then he doesn't need a levels. There are loads of alternative options.
I was probably thought of as lazy by my 6th form teachers but actually I was overwhelmed, struggling, lost and a bit young for my age.

titchy · 04/06/2019 22:10

I'd suggest a year or two working a minimum wage job, then doing an Access course if he wants to go to university. Another year pissing about on his phone won't help anyone.

Alternatively look at apprenticeships.

BentBaastard · 04/06/2019 22:31

Silly boy.

What was he thinking?

I don’t think the school should have him back and he should deal with the consequences.

Harsh but true.

bookmum08 · 04/06/2019 22:34

titchy I got sent down the 'get a job' path and ended up stuck there for 20 years on minimum wages. A job that made me unhappy and depressed and feel trapped because how do you get to go to college if you are stuck working long hours for crappy pay?

titchy · 04/06/2019 22:38

how do you get to go to college if you are stuck working long hours for crappy pay?

Sorry I probably wasn't clear. A year or two getting a dose of reality, then if his attitude has changed support him to quit the job and do an Access course (which are also available part time for those who need to work).

Original poster
user20 · 04/06/2019 22:42

@BentBaastard yep I agree - he has been so silly it's unreal.

For somebody with his intelligence, he has been extremely stupid. I am so angry with how he has behaved.

He has a good stable home and We are in no way rich, but he is well off as he has plenty of things I never had as a child - I had two jobs as a teenager and I worked my ass off to get where I am today - it wasn't easy but i got there, it annoys me because he is way more intelligent than me and his dad ever were and he's wasted so much of his talent

OP posts:
superram · 04/06/2019 22:42

I’m a teacher, I know of one child it went well for. He’d picked the wrong a levels so resat year 12 with 3 new subjects. Two boys resat year 11 and will do worse than they did originally, what a waste of everyone’s time.

Sofasurfingsally · 04/06/2019 22:47

Has he said why he wants to return, if he isn't working for his exam?

Original poster
user20 · 04/06/2019 22:48

@superram it's good to see this from a teachers perspective. Yes I honestly think he needs more than GCSE's in this day and age, I do worry that he will be stuck stacking shelves in Tesco for the rest of his life (don't pick this up the wrong way - I am in no way looking down my nose at people who work in Tesco or any shop for that matter, I just mean he is capable of more)

Anyway, I just can't see the school allowing him back. He's messed them around for 2 years now, they have been extremely supportive. He was warned a lot by his teachers that this would eventually end in tears but he thought that he could do it all his way and succeed but he has been horrifically proven wrong.

He is very lucky indeed that he wasn't asked to leave in the first term of year 12 never mind be allowed to carry on right through to the end of year 13

OP posts:
Original poster
user20 · 04/06/2019 22:50

@Sofasurfingsally he claims he wants a good future but he seems to be too addicted to his bloody phone

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 04/06/2019 23:03

The minimum wage job for a couple of years will only work if the OP is then prepared to not charge rent etc and fund any college courses if he decides to go back to education. Will you be prepared to do that when your son is 20 or 21 years old?
What is he actually doing on his phone? Watching youtube vids? Chatting on forums? Reading random Wikipedia articles? What are his current interests. An interest can lead to a job but often teens haven't always made the connections or know how to get there. What does he enjoy OP? Or what did he enjoy at age 13/14?

Original poster
user20 · 04/06/2019 23:11

@bookmum08 he seems to be sitting on YouTube listening to music all the time and he is on Facebook and Snapchat a lot, other than that I do know what he does on his phone but he's never off it.

If he decides to leave education, my DH and I will charge him rent. He is not staying in our house free of charge. If he decides to remain in education, we will support him and not charge him rent

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 05/06/2019 08:00

Morning user20. I didn't want you to think I had abandoned the conversation - I just went to sleep.
It sounds hard. Would he sit down for a casual conversation of "what do you do on that phone all day"? You never know - there may be something there you didn't know he was interested in. He must enjoy and be interested in something. If not now but a few years back. A lot of teen interests have to get pushed aside during the gcse years.
Schools tend to focus on the get good gcse grades so you can do a levels - get good a levels so you can go to uni - then go to uni - but then what? Often all those years of study is so focused the actual end goal is forgotten. What subjects did he choose for a levels and why? Does he know what those subjects could lead to? Does he think of the ICT subject as a bit of a 'filler' subject not really knowing where that qualification will lead?
Sorry this is a bit rambling for this time of the morning.
Ask him to imagine what he would like his life to be like in 5 years time. Inside of him there will be a goal - he may not just know it. He needs to find it.

TheRedBarrows · 05/06/2019 08:18

No one took the warning that was the AS results.
He didn’t pull his finger out, you didn’t take his phone off him / turn off the WiFi at 10pm or set times.

I would have had mine under a regime if he had pushed about like that in Yr12. And spoken then about repeating Yr 12.

He sounds addicted to his phone. Young people need support to help them discipline themselves.

If he is allowed to try again (and how will he catch up on the Yr 12 stuff? The A levels are linear now and include the whole course in the exam) it will have to be a whole family resolve.

TeenTimesTwo · 05/06/2019 08:27

The problem is, 6th form funding is available for 3 years, not 4.
So by allowing him to continue to y13 the school has actually done him a disservice in some ways. If they had kicked him out after y12 he'd have got his shock, and could have restarted elsewhere, possibly on a different course. Now he wants to redo the whole thing, and there isn't funding, or any evidence he'd act differently.

I suggest you/he look into apprenticeships.

hmsvictory · 05/06/2019 08:43

He's going to continue wasting everyone's time, he really needs to get a job.

What does he say he wants to do job wise?

TeddTess · 05/06/2019 08:51

if he was really regretful he'd be pulling his finger out for his BTEC ICT exam. If he is intelligent then he should be able to get a good grade on that with a bit of work.

he won't change by returning to the same school for another year.

CherryPavlova · 05/06/2019 08:51

Teenage boys can be very inconsequential. They don’t always see the longer picture and need for effort in the here and now. Some (like ours) are dragged screaming and kicking - or at least shoulder shrugging- towards academic achievement in two years. Others see the light at the end of the tunnel and need that third year.

As a parent I think we have an absolute responsibility to support or push or cajole them into the best possible academic results. I do not believe a couple of years stacking shelves with Bert in Homebase is the answer; they get stuck in dead end jobs.

Try and get him back into school until he’s ready to face the adult world (there’s no great rush) and let him do it from a position of success. Set very clear rules about school work and behaviours though.

noblegiraffe · 05/06/2019 09:13

My brother did the dead end job route, figured out what he wanted to do with his life after a couple of years, went to uni to do a course that wouldn’t have even crossed his mind at 18 and is now in a top job. It can help.

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