DS wants to repeat Year 13

[user20]

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

My DS sounds similar, he dropped out completely last January in year 13 and was quite down so I didn't push him. He did have a part time job that time upped to full time hours and paid me rent money. He saved the rest of his earnings and took home self of to Aus for a 'gap' year this feb. He is now currently working over there after 2 month long holiday where he spent all his money.

I don't know what the future holds for him when he returns to the UK next year with only good GCSE results behind him, but I hope the year in Australia having to stand on his own 2 feet will have made a change in him and he will have grown up and come back with some sort of focus with where he is headed in life.

user20 it does sound like he is phone addicted - I can see how that happens, but you could have taken it away from him, he is living the life he is with no consequence. This isn’t ok regardless of him being an adult or not.

My eldest DS repeated year 12, he didn’t miss school, he just did not try in year 11/12 at all. He realised that he was failing himself and did really well in his repeated year.

I do feel responsible as I had two much younger children and was working full time, I probably took my eye off the ball with him - they are vulnerable at this age, on the cusp of adulthood but really not emotionally mature to understand that they are making decisions that impact on the rest of their life. It’s a delicate balance as a parent.

Good luck!

My DS left school after GCSEs tk ho to college but hated it and wanted to go back to school to do A levels. He wasn't the best student so I really didn't think the school would take him back but they did. They treated him like a new student and made him interview for a place in 6th form. He is now coming to the end of yr 12 and has just turned 18. His friends are all doing their A levels but he's a year behind them. It's been the best thing he ever did. He realised he made a mistake and he's grateful to school for a second chance. Maybe your DS might recognise a second chance too.

I used to work in a sixth form college and while the GCSE grades were very good, he has seven and three were b and c grades. Usually candidates with results like that have to work incredibly hard to achieve decent A Levels

So no consequences for his behaviour apart from the loss of gym membership this week, after two years of inertia, and he's still got his phone which you say is the main distraction, OP

He's not going to study anywhere because he has no motivation. You really should think about directing him towards employment now. I can see that you are angry about what has happened OP, but you could have taken steps to sort this so much sooner than right before the one exam he is taking.

@Chilledout11 apologises if I'm interpreting this the wrong way and please correct me if I am wrong but how are his gcse grades not ok? He got 4As, 1B and 2Cs? They are fantastic grades! I can't see what's wrong with them? He passed all 7 GCSE's and 4 of those 7 subjects he got an A in?

He worked very hard during year 10 and year 11 so he deserved his amazing gcse results and how he behaved at school with his a levels was so different to how he worked for his GCSEs.

I think what is meant is that most students will get more than 7 GCSEs (why did he take so few?), and while 4 A grades are very good, they are not amazing, as there’s the A* above them.

He’s not what a sixth form would see as a top student expecting the best grades at A-level, his GCSE grades would put him somewhere more in the middle of an A-level cohort.

@ChicCroissant yes I would agree that his dad and I were not firm enough with him, believe me his behaviour has caused a lot of tension in the house, there have been many arguments and confrontations with him over the past 2 years due to this situation, some were so bad I even told him to pack his bags and get out!

He is looking for a part time job this summer as he has now finished school, well until September anyway, so he can take over paying his phone bill if he gets a job and then he can get his gym membership back as he would be able to pay it.

He has said now that he has seen for himself the real life consequences of messing about and that it wasn't just everybody being dramatic and that he will wise up come September, problem is I hope he means that and won't ever do it again

Has school agreed to let him come back in September then? Wow!

@noblegiraffe I don't know why, it must just be a school thing, they must not have been able to fit anymore subjects on his timetable. He originally started of with 8 GCSE's but dropped one in year 10.

In my opinion, I think 4 As is extremely good, not many people get any As at all. And as for As, I don't honestly know why people seem to think that pupils need to leave Year 11 with as in their GCSE's, as long as they pass them all and their grades were enough for what they want to do, I don't see the problem. But if you need as to be considered an intelligent/smart pupil then god help the kids as not everybody will get a*s !

@titchy no he hasn't asked yet - he is going to see the principal in about a weeks time to ask them and see what they say

He did very well - I certainly wouldn't criticise him at all. 7 is lower than most students and grades are very good but maybe he genuinely finds the work really difficult and this is causing a lack of interest and he is avoiding failure by choosing to ignore deadlines etc. I mean this very very kindly.

I'd remove his phone and give him a cheap, basic PAYG and tell him he can have his phone back once he's earning money.
He should have been given a massive kick up the backside when it first became apparent he was failing big time at school, not now it's far too late to do anything at school - and asking the school to take a clearly disinterested and lazy pupil for a repeat year is really taking the proverbial. Why on earth should they waste any more valuable resources on your waster of a son?

I suspect you wouldn't be so disparaging of As if your DS had got them. The fact is that, whilst your DS's grades are* very good, they aren't top grade. DS2 finally discovered at A level that he actually needed to do some work whereas he had coasted his way through until then.

@SoupDragon believe me, I'm not. Anybody who gets a A stars (I'm spelling it out as it puts my text into bold when I use the star symbol) in their GCSE's/ a levels should be commended as it is an achievement.

All I mean is that I don't think a stars are necessary and while they are an achievement, as long as the kids work and do the best to their abilities then there is no need for a stars unless they really want a stars or need them for whatever course or job they want to do. No wonder so many kids are suffering from mental health issues when they are considered not good enough if they don't have any a stars

Yeah I have to be honest, 7 is a low number to take - most schools expect 10 or 11. 4 As is quite good, but you say he worked hard for those. If he was very bright I'd expect straight A's and A stars given the low number taken. By way of example, and not showing off, but dd did 12, 10 of which were As or A stars. She's quite bright, but not brilliantly so, still had to work hard at A level.

I suspect you might have over-egged his ability making him think A levels would be a walk in the park, and I also suspect it's a poor performing school where 4 As was seen as extremely good.

Repeating A levels is not likely to produce a different result to be honest, and I'd strongly suggest a different route - hopefully school will agree.

Re phone and gym - you've removed the one healthy thing he was doing that got him out of the house, but let him keep the one thing that has effectively destroyed his life for the last two years - why?

I know what I am going to say won't help now but if you saw that he was fannying about on Snapchat and the like why didn't you do anything? I would have cut off his internet access if he wasn't studying.

I know he is an older child and must learn to take responsibility but he might need to be taught that rather than left to his own devices (as my son did). My son really didn't understand what was required to pass exams, or how to plan to do so. For his GCSEs I literally (and I mean in the true sense of the word) sat with him everyday while he revised otherwise he wouldn't have revised. For his A levels he had learnt and needed less intervention but I had to keep him on track and motivated all the way through, did his revision plan for him, printed and marked past papers etc etc. He's now doing a degree and he's pretty much done it all himself (having learnt from the GCSEs and A levels) but have still had to motivate over the phone a number of times and had to help him with a last minute dissertation plan the other day.

I have explained that achieving stuff in life is hard and can be boring and a slog. To get anywhere you need to keep focussed during those times.

These things do not always come naturally and if they don't they need to be taught, just as much as teaching your child to eat, sleep, walk and read for example. I don't understand why parents think children stop needing to be taught just because they are older?

To reinforce this my line has always been that I am happy to support you financially and with my time while you are studying but you need to be actually studying and working hard. I will intervene if not and ultimately if you aren't studying then you can go and get a job and pay your way and/or move out. I am not going to support you doing f all!

As you've identified this time is important and will set him up, or not, for life. I see it as my job to make sure my son achieved his potential) and I have always told him that I would back off when he had his degree and my job was done!

He is now finished as of last week!

Maybe you can say to your son that if he wants to remain at home and do another year of school or college that there will be some rule changes and you will be directly intervening in making sure he is motivated and is studying. Otherwise you aren't prepared to continue supporting him financially?

Be aware though that this approach does take up a large amount of time and grit. You also need to be fully committed and focussed. If you aren't on it and consistent it won't work. You will need to same focus and resilience (including ability to ignore the tears and yelling while remaining calm, loving and supportive!) as you need when sleep training!

@Japonicaflower2 I agree with you to an extent - he has been a waster as he has thrown away good opportunities for no reason when he could have got them first time for free and moved on.

I can agree that the school have no obligation to take him back due to his behaviour but I'm going to play devils advocate as I did on an earlier post in this thread, the school allowed a few people from DS' year to repeat Year 12 this year and I believe they are allowing another pupil to repeat Year 13 next year who also had attendance issues and wasn't able to sit all his exams this year.

Yes he doesn't know the circumstances, but according to DS, this individual had been spoken to about his attendance too. DS has a statement of special needs, not that is a free pass to come and go from school when he wants.

But if the school are prepared to allow others with attendance issues back, then I think DS should be given consideration

I agree with those saying his GCSE results are decent but not exceptional. They are also the grades of a student who would need to work hard to be successful at A Level.

He may find an alternative FE course better for him.

The problem isn't repeating one year having not taken exams, there'd be funded for that. The school wont get any funding for him now and would be teaching him for no money. And tbh it's likely he'll be in the same position in a year or twos time, just older, still with only GCSEs.

Work, the FE college is a much better option. Or an apprenticeship. But get his gym membership back - exercise is invaluable for mental health. Maybe he could get a job at the gym? Train to be a personal trainer?

@Teachermaths yes of course unless he had like 10 A*s then no they're not exceptional but I think what he did get at gcse is very good and he did much better than what most people do.

And I honestly don't get why some people on this are giving the impression that his gcse grades wouldn't be enough for him to be successful in his a levels - he hasn't been successful because he didn't attend school and do any work - any kid who does not attend school and/or do any work is more and More unlikely to do well in their exams regardless of whether they are gifted or not.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm furious at what he has done but he has a good brain and he could have got As in his a levels easily had he done the work and had excellent attendance at school. Just be cause he only did 7 GCSE's and didn't get any A*s, that doesn't necessarily mean he would find a levels anymore difficult than anybody else.

4As a B and 2Cs are not top grades, I get that but they are better than most peoples and of course he can do well with those grades

Just my 2p worth but he sounds so like my brother and I still think if he hadn’t opted for FE and had repeated at school he would have achieved more.
FE college was too relaxed and validated his didn’t matter attitude whereas teachers at his school knew his potential. I think the bottom line is how much does he want it and what will he do differently.

@titchy I wouldn't say his school is poor
Performing - a lot of people have got exceptional grades in his school and I myself wouldn't describe his grades as "exceptional", but he did work hard for his GCSEs. Anybody has to work for their GCSE's and he was just as capable of getting 3 A levels just as a person with 12 or 15 GCSE's would be.

My other DS did 9 GCSE's and 3 a levels and he now holds a full degree and is doing very well for himself - I wish the DS who this thread is about looked up to him and followed his path regarding his a levels, not necessarily a degree.

I only want what's best for him - 7 GCSE's including his maths and English is good, that got him onto his a levels and he could have been going to uni next year if things were Different - even with GCSE's.

I only have 5 GCSE's (or o levels as they were called back then) and I failed maths a couple of times but that didn't stop me from getting my a levels and getting my 1st class honours degree

I also agree with @titchy 7 GCSEs isn't that great. Most bright students leave with 10/11. My DS left with 9 GCSEs, a short course GCSE, and two BTECs which apparently are equivalent to two GCSEs each. He took one of those GCSEs two years early. He got above C/passed all of them, mainly As and Bs. He is bright but has lots of challenges with focus and planning and social skills due the have aspergers and adhd. The really bright students at his school left with 11/12 A and A star grades GCSEs plus other qualifications. My son's results were good but not exceptional. It's A and A star students that go on to get the A grades at A level (if they work hard).

A levels are a massive jump up from GCSEs and you have to work extremely hard even if you are the brightest. You can't coast A levels. IMO they are the hardest exams you will ever do.

It sounds like your son may have coasted his GCSEs. Why only 7 and why did he drop one in the 10? And perhaps thought he could do the same at A level.

With those GCSEs I would expect that he would find A levels a challenge and would need to work very hard to get decent mid level grades.

I'm not saying this to be horrible. Just trying to inject some realism. You need 6 GCSEs to be even allowed to do A levels at most colleges so your son only achieved just over that. Scraped in really so more reason that he would need to work especially hard to succeed.

@MiniMum97 no I know you're not being horrible don't worry.

I know that there are people who are brighter than others and who do get 11 GCSE's or 12 but I'm happy with DS only doing 7 as he was accepted into year 12 to do his 3 a levels and he could have gone to uni so as long as he was able to get over 5 GCSE's inc maths and English and be eligible for a levels, it didn't really bother me how many he did!

All I'm saying is, DS attended/attends a non grammar school, I don't know why he was only able to do 7, my other DS went to a grammar and he did 9 GCSE's which is 2 more than what this DS got. Like I've said, 4As is perfectly acceptable in my book, as long as he can do the courses he wasn't then I'm happy and he can do the courses he wants when he gets his a levels or equivalents