DS wants to repeat Year 13

[user20]

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

@pikapikachu it's awful for the parents isn't it?

Honestly DS must think I don't have a full time job or a house to run and that I can just clean up all his problems all day!

Yes, although this entirely DS' fault, the school should have actually stepped up and told him to get the hell out. They are very kind but I don't know what they were thinking keeping him on

school should have actually stepped up and told him to get the hell out. They are very kind but I don't know what they were thinking keeping him on

No wonder he has the attitude he does. Maybe you could have patented him. Maybe he could have taken responsibility.

parented him

@EvilTwins I agree with you so much.

I think the teachers are too kind, I know teachers have to be professional and can't actually say it but I'm sure his teachers thought that he was a d1ck! (Excuse my language)

One a level is atrocious and I am so mortified at what he has done. For somebody who was so hard working and motivated during year 10 and 11 he has really shocked me at how badly he changed. I can't believe he just treated school as a place he could just pick and choose when he went. It's awful

@EvilTwins his attitude? I have said this about a million times already, his attitude was his own doing. Do you think I'm happy about what he has done? I'm anything but!

You think I'm blaming his school, I'm not! I only meant that they should have said enough is enough. If you were principal at his school what would you have done? Would you have kept him on?

One A Level literally gets you nowhere. If he wants to re-do anything next year, he’s better off withdrawing from that one (school might ask you to pay the exam fee) and then at least he won’t have completed L3 courses and there is more of a chance an FE college would take him on.

OP did you see ^^ this from Evil ? Has he already taken the A level?

@TeenTimesTwo yes I did but the problem is he sat his btec ict on Thursday so it's too late now

User20

The thread is getting really de-railed, his previous results aren’t the issue here.

Maybe your DS has finally realised that he’s screwed up. Right now assume that’s the truth. Your relationship going forward is the most important thing here. Education can be ‘caught up’ damage caused to relationships can’t. Once it’s done, it’s done. I know it’s really hard when they’ve been idiots and ignored all advice etc and been proper shits, but sometimes some teenagers are and you can just hope they grow out of it! Maybe he’s doing that now.

(If he’s not you can deal with it later).

Throw yourselves into believing this IS a fresh start. I’d restart his gym membership if he uses it, I’d rather he was going than not. I’d suggest he writes to the Head apologising for his behaviour, properly apologises from the heart and acknowledging how bad it was. Requesting a meeting to discuss the possibility of repeating and acknowledging that if he’s lucky enough to be given the opportunity that it will come with strict compliance to the rules they permit it under.

Then I’d read it before he sends it. Get it ‘right’ but genuine.

Then I would write a letter too saying that you feel DS genuinely regrets his behaviour and hope they will allow him to repeat the year and that you’ll fully support the school over it.

Give him the opportunity to prove himself.

Good luck.

I think you're underestimating the difficulty of the new linear A-levels tbh. They have so much content in. When I see a set of GCSE results like your son's I predict B-D depending how motivated they are (also there are some pupils - a minority - who really flourish at 16 and/or take to new sixth form subjects like a duck to water so data isn't always destiny).

A basic phone would be fine to get texts and messages. I've only had a smartphone for a year and I've been distressed to find they're every bit as addictive as everyone said. And I'm an adult and leave it downstairs at night! Some of my students - I'd say about 1 in 10 and more boys than girls - are hooked.

Anyway, none of this matters as you need asap to clear up the point about year 13 funding and whether it's possible to repeat when one A-level's been taken and there's no illness or special circumstances. Only the school can tell you re the funding.

Is it worth going to meet the careers person re apprenticeships? Sometimes when you explore an alternative that helps firm up what's best to do.

If I was one of his teachers I would have been seriously pissed off with him but then I teach drama so his poor attendance would have impacted on everyone else.

What you probably don’t know is that his poor teachers would have had to explain to their line managers about why he was underperforming and what interventions they were putting in place to support him. They would have had to justify any under performance, were probably blamed for his lack of engagement. His choice to drop down to one A Level would have come back on a teacher at some point. The school’s funding will have been hit because he is no longer following a full timetable. It is possible that they didn’t kick him out because of the impact on funding. But it’s also possible that there are teachers who had faith in him, who insisted, possibly because of his GCSE performance, that he could and would pull it out of the bag. And he didn’t. And they would have felt let down and probably a bit stupid for arguing the case that he should be allowed to stay.

Or maybe none of that happened and maybe the school should take responsibility for his decision to just not show up

@IncrediblySadToo good point - a letter to the principal explaining his genuine remorse over this whole nightmare may not be at all a bad idea.

In fact, he said to me that he was thinking of writing an apology letter but feels that they will laugh at him as he feels embarrassed for expressing his emotions due to him being male and his age as he's 18 but I said that's not the case

@EvilTwins I don't think it's the schools fault at all. This is entirely DS' fault. The school did not force him to have poor attendance. He forced himself to do that.

I don't know what happened with his funding, he dropped down to one a level but it wasn't official, he just stopped attending classes and didn't show up to his exams for those two subjects and his entries were never cancelled. So, in the eyes of the department of education he was still doing 3 a levels. So really he has already got himself 2 Us as his entries weren't withdrawn.

I know you must think I'm one of those parents that don't give a dam about their kids, I'm the opposite. I didn't have a good child hood but I was so hardworking as a teenager and I have a degree and a full time job and I provide a good stable home to DS as well I did and do for his siblings. I hate the way he has got on.

I even told the school that they should kick him out during one of the meetings regarding his attendance - I don't for one second blame them. I think he has had it too easy and he deserved to lose his place in that school

I'd be shocked if the school didn't bill you for the exams he didn't turn up for. Our school would.

If he never officially withdrew from A Levels then you have no chance of getting him a 3rd year at 6th Form, sorry. In the eyes of the DfE, he has completed two years of KS5 education. The fact that he has come out of it with 2 Us and whatever he gets for his final exam does not mean he can resit yr 13. The funding is available for 3 years, yes, but that’s to take into account students who start late, or change from one thing to another, not students who don’t try and then realise too late that they should have done a better job. He will not be eligible for funding for a third year whether or not he writes a letter to the school.

@Teachermaths yes I agree and DS can pay for them. I will not be paying his way out of a mess he created

OP- I understand. I wish they'd kicked my son out in y12. The school bent over backwards trying to get him to attend (eg he was excused from Form time) They had countless meeting with him and he's so charming and convincing that they believed his lies hook line and sinker.
My son had terrible attendance because he chose not to attend and I couldn't force him to go to school. He's half a foot taller and knows what the consequences of not attending are but just couldn't find the motivation. I suspect that he won't get the C on results day. He went to his exam paper 1 and has paper 2 and 3 this week. It's possible that he's in his room studying but I doubt it.

@EvilTwins and I agree - he needs to grow up. I'm disgusted at what he's done - I've told him he's the only in the family to do this as we've all been hard workers. He keeps saying nonsense like "well I have nothing left here so I may as well kill myself" - I'm sick of his excuses.

I genuinely do think he has realised now (finally) what a mess he has made. He's been in tears and he has said that he can't believe what he's done.

I know as a teacher you agree with me that his behaviour is appalling but if his school are prepared to allow others with attendance issues back - why would DS be different? I've said before in one post that a person in one of his classes was spoken to about poor attendance and didn't do his exams either yet he is allowed back next year.

If nobody with similar circumstances to DS was allowed back I would agree entirely. But if they are going to allow one person back then I think DS should be taken into consideration. But when I say that I agree with them 100% that he should never be allowed back as his attitude towards them has just basically been "f*ck yous"

I don't think anyone reading this would think you didn't give a damn about your kids!

It is a hard thing when they are nearly adult and you have to let them suffer the consequences of their decisions. You never know though, it could eventually turn out to be the push he needs.

P.S. I overheard a really wise, near retirement colleague advising a student and her parents, distressed by what they felt was underperformance in final exams. She said don't look back, look forward.

It depends entirely on the circumstances. If the other student(s) withdrew from exams and/or school then their circumstances are different. It’s not personal, it’s how 6th Form funding works. Students do not get three years of KS5 funded, they get three years in which to complete their KS5 education. Your DS has completed his. Unsatisfactorily, yes, but he’a completed it so he does not deserve another £XK of government funding.

@pikapikachu it's really not pleasant. I just feel ill sitting back knowing DS is throwing his future away.

I wish he had just gone to school - he would be leaving school with 3 good a levels and it would be all over! Now he is costing himself more time and even money as he will have to pay his tuition fees and I certainly will not be using my hard earned cash for him to pay his way out of a mess caused by sheer laziness!

But yes I just wish he left school at the end of year 12 and went onto something different this year - he would be so much happier had he done that one simple thing

OP, sadly it is a case of the school will not be eligible for the £4400 or whatever the per pupil grant is these days. It's not the same situation as someone who dropped out of a year and wasn't entered for the exams.

He could retake in a crammer but you'd have to pay yourself.

Can you say what subject he's been doing?
We were told if it's not a solid a at gcse then they'll struggle at a level.
The only problem with saying you'll charge rent if he works is it's an incentive to stay in education, that he might not commit to.
Drop his contract down to min and texts only. He can buy bolt ins with his job.

My DS repeated lower sixth but still got crap A level results. He got accepted onto a physics degree course at a good university but had to do a year's sort of access course as part of the degree course and had to pass the first year to be allowed to continue.

They called it a four year course. He finally realised there were no more chances or excuses and he got his degree.

OP he can’t go back to school and pay the tuition himself. That’s not how it works.

@EvilTwins god it really is a nightmare. He has a LOT of making up to do for this.

He's on his summer holidays now so he better start thinking about what action plan he has for September - this cannot go on anymore.

I'm sure your familiar with the computer system schools use - I think it's called SIMS? DS said that his form teacher showed him his attendance on it and he has been marked as code 'C' every time he's been off - what does that mean? He says he's been marked as 'S' all of May and June but I don't know how this affects him