DS wants to repeat Year 13

[user20]

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

You tell him right now that you're taking away his phone so that he can get his head down and study like he's never studied before - you keep his phone until the exam is over and if, and only if, he's made a huge effort for it you'll speak to the school about him redoing yr 13. If he can't be bothered then you'd be wasting your time and so would the teachers. But you keep the phone anyway until the exam is over. You're the parent aren't you? Put your foot down.

It's not really down to the school to fix this though. If he doesn't have the motivation it's not going to appear overnight.

I would stop paying for the phone tbh, and suggest he gets a part-time job to pay for it himself. You haven't said what you've done at home about him not working for his exams, what were the consequences of that?

People saying 'take away his phone and tell him to study' is all very well but does he actually know 'how' to study? That can be many teens problem. They are interested in what they are learning etc but the knowing how to study alone, write essays and all that they just can't 'do' and the whole thing becomes overwhelming and they shut down.

@bookmum08 no don't worry, I didnt at all think you were ignoring me!

He has said he would love to go to uni and study law or criminology. He loves kart racing, but that would be too expensive for him to take up a career in that

@CherryPavlova yes exactly - I hope you don't see this as me looking down on shop workers - I do not at all mean it in that way! But yes, I just think for the lifestyle he wants, he needs a well paid job and for that to happen he needs to get his qualifications.

For him to be working in a shop the rest of his life would be a waste of his skills and abilities. He is capable of more than that and he knows it

I'm just going to write one reply to everyone as I'd be here all day replying to everyone individually.

Yes I agree with you all that me and DH maybe haven't been firm enough with him, we do pay his monthly phone contract for him and we pay for his gym membership as well as all the driving lessons he had before he got his driving test.

Talking about driving, he passed his test a few months ago and he has said he really wants a car. I have said he can get one when he gets a job and he can afford to pay the monthly finance contract on it.

I did say I would contribute £500 to his car insurance when he does get a car, but only if he wises up. Other than that I will not be paying anything else towards his car. He can Ensure that he can pay the road tax, fuel and maintenance/MOT etc etc

I don’t want to make a dig at you OP but as parents you should have turned the wi-fi off and not paid his phone contract- in year 12 as soon as he started pissing about.

If he repeats Year 13, what are the chances he’ll get good results after crap year 12 results? It shows he doesn’t really know the work. Really he should have repeated at the beginning of year 13. I did, I changed from A Levels to B-Tec, as my predicted A Levels we’re only an A, B and C. Best thing I done.
You say other students have repeated, but they may also have valid excuses that people don’t know about, not just ‘can’t be arsed attitudes’. He may be best off getting an apprenticeship and working his way up, and saving for a long time to get himself in the road, without being rewarded for it by his parents.

I suspect, being bright he has found everything too easy up to now and rather than be up towards the top of the class he could maintain middle of the road without putting any effort in and that becomes a habit.

I was like that, sailed through 'o' levels with good grades and couldn't grasp what was needed at 'a' level. Having to work was something I had never done in order to stay well up towards the top of the class in most subjects.
I think he is wanting another year because it's a comfort zone, he knows what's expected - and I suspect, how to play the system.

I would suggest he gets out into some sort of practical training that suits him. If he's interested in Kart Racing, then why not a mechanics course. That would also give him an opportunity to learn more about driving and possibly an 'in' to a cheap car, if he can work on it himself or get mates rates at the garage he works at.

I think he is wanting another year because it's a comfort zone
This ^^. He knows he doesn't have to put any effort in for another year, unlike if he had to get a job.

My DS (just finishing year 12) has just decided A levels are not for him. He really doesn't enjoy them and has decided to leave after the mocks and has enrolled in a different college to do a level 3 BTEC in engineering instead in September. He will still be able to get into university with this if he wants to in the future.
What's the point in repeating year 13? If he hasn't bothered up until now how will he discipline himself next year?
From experience DS's school only ever pushed them all down the academic route.. very very focused on A Levels and university and there was little to no talk about what vocational courses were available elsewhere as an alternative. Maybe your DS finds the academic work of A levels just isn't for him? I left A levels after a year, did a GNVQ instead and then went to university to study nursing, best decision I ever made.
Maybe your DS would do well to look at what his other options are now outside A levels? No point wasting another year if he really hates it. The funding is an issue but shouldn't be a barrier if there's something eh really feels passionately he'd like to do instead.

The sixth form should have kicked him out in year 12. He is taking the place and funding of a child who would probably apply himself.

I think your son wants to repeat year 13 so he can keep fucking around on his phone and do no work, again. Right now I would be taking his phone, I wouldn't be paying for anything for him because his behaviour doesn't warrant it.

He isn't committed to working for his BTEC otherwise he would be showing you how much he is working. He is just giving it lip service.

And stop his gym membership, if he wants it, he pays for it.

If he does actually want to earn and has a genuine interest in ICT then the network support industry are crying out for staff. An apprenticeship in that area would be worth investigating. He's got the GCSEs to get onto most apprenticeships I'd think.

You need really good careers advice from an unbiased and knowledgeable source asap.

As a sixth form teacher, I'm afraid those GCSE scores wouldn't have suggested he'd find A-level easy even if he had worked. He may well be lacking in the study skills if he didn't work hard at GCSE and doing well at A-level requires the understanding that it's a big step up.

Anyway, get unbiased advice if you can. Not just from the school.

Hi all,

Yeah tbh I'm just at the end of my tether with him. I'm so so angry that he has just sat back and done nothing and only realises now that he has made a mess of things.

I don't know whether he genuinely regrets it or not. I caught him in tears this morning and he said how could he have been so stupid and that he agrees how lazy he has been.

I completely agree that DH and I weren't firm enough so his gym membership has now been cancelled but I'm keeping on his phone as I'm not going to leave him without that more so because of texting and phone calls but once he gets a part time job he can start paying it

@Phineyj ummm sorry but I actually disagree with you there - he got 4As, 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs - what is wrong with that? His GCSE grades were fantastic.

Like I said in my OP, he is an intelligent guy and he had the potential for doing well in both his AS' and A levels had he put the work in! I think getting 2Ds and a C at AS with no work and poor attendance speaks for itself! Think what he could have got in his AS' had he actually worked!

@ElectricLions I have stopped his gym membership within the last few days per the advice in this thread.

I will, however, be keeping on his phone as he will need it for texting/phone calls. At the end of the day, he is 18. How could me and DH take his phone off him really? He's an adult now (although he doesn't act like it!)

The issue with school may well be funding. 6th form funding is only available if the student in question has not already completed Level 3 (ie A Levels or equivalent) qualifications so he may not be eligible anyway. By all means speak to the school but bear in mind that starting Year 12 again to do a vocational course at a college is unlikely to be an option because he has already completed 2 years of KS5 education. It's not as simple as wanting to do another year and therefore being allowed to do so.

@EvilTwins yes it could well be a problem. I'm no expert in this, in fact, I'm clueless, but as far as I'm aware a levels are funded up until the end of the academic year in which the pupil turns 19. DS turns 19 in spring next year so in other words he will be funded in 2019/20 but in the following 2020/21 school year starting in September 2020, he would lose his funding then

user20 - it's not as simple as that.

A Levels are funded as long as the student starts them in the year they turn 19 (thought the funding drops a bit) but not if that student already has Level 3 qualifications.

I run a 6th form course and have a girl in Year 12 who is already 19 - she will be 20 when she finishes the course. She will be funded throughout but she didn't have A Levels (or equivalent) I also have 2 in Year 13 who are a year older than they "should" be, but they started 6th form elsewhere and dropped out before the end of Year 12. Therefore they don't have any Level 3 qualifications and the funding was available.

Hope that makes sense. What that potentially means for your DS is that because he has completed year 13 and taken the A Level, he may not be eligible for any further funding. Check with the school - they will know how their funding works. He certainly won't be able to enrol on a college course because he will have completed 6th form.

@EvilTwins goodness it really does seem like a messy/expensive situation! 😱

I think DS is kicking himself because he didn't consider the long term implications of being truant from school all the time during sixth form. He was in tears yesterday as he realised what a mess he has made and the amount of money he has now cost himself!

I struggle to have sympathy though as he was warned to go to school and do his work!

I'm not blaming the school, they have been really good with him, but I do feel it may not have even harmed him had they kicked him out in Year 12 to give him the wake up call he needed

It kind of sounds like the best thing would have been for the school to kick him out in Year 12. That way, he might have had the wake up call and he'd still be able to start again on a more appropriate/interesting course or get his act together and start the A Levels again.

I guess it's as it is so that kids can't just be eternal Key Stage 5 students - I teach one or two who would like to be

@EvilTwins yes I think they should have took action and told him to go - it would have been awful at the time but as you say - he would have been able to start an entirely new course in September past and still got a levels without having to pay a thing

How could me and DH take his phone off him really?
Well you pay the bill so of course you could take it off him!

@FriarTuck true I suppose. Shocking to say but I suppose it would have made him go to school and worked if he realised there was no phone

He should definitely ask.

I was your son 10 years ago, I massively regret now not asking to resit a year. A levels are extremely expensive and difficult to dive back into. Of course there are other options if the school say no but I would certainly suggest he enquires now.

It's not as though it will be fun and the easy option, he will be in a different year group away from his peers and starting again, the only way he will stick to it is if he is determined.