Travel over 1 hour both ways

[EngineerMumOf2]

My DD is starting her secondary from Sept this year. Her school is 37 miles away from home (grammar school). There is a school bus which takes 1 hour 25 minutes both ways. Am I doing a wrong thing by making my DD travel so long everyday? Please suggest.

It does seem excessive, does she want to do it? What about after school activities, will she miss out, and parents' evenings etc.

So that is 3 hours travelling a day?
Personally I wouldn't do it. That is no quality of life.
It's like living in Bristol and going to school in Reading.

But I guess it depends on what the other options are like.

Surely you and she considered all this before applying?

No that's totally ridiculous. And I'm assuming that's not even including getting to and from home, waiting for bus, bus being late etc. She will end up not being able do any extra curricular activities, won't have any local friends and will be so tired that any perceived benefits of the school will be negated.
I think you need to move or find another school.

DfE recommendation is that up to 75mins travelling each way is reasonable.

This is why I’m not sending my dc to our ‘local’ grammar in West Midlands!

Recently we considered schooling 45 mins away from home, decided against it though. We feel it would leave our child isolated from local friends and they would be ultra reliant on us to maintain a social life and they would have little/ no social life as a result.

We did consider selling and moving house, is this a possibility and how would your child feel about the responsibility of the changes to the whole household?

Finally does your child want to attend this school?

After taking all the above into consideration, we felt schooling more locally would be better x

No way on earth would I make my child do that. I was in the lucky position that my children could walk to secondary school with their friends, around 20 mins. This means leaving incredibly early and getting home late, your dd will be burnt out in no time. Is there an alternative?

I did it for year 11 and hated it. I was constantly exhausted, missed out on groups and didn't get my predicted grades because I lost so much time to travelling. Its not worth it.

If her friends live similar distances away from school in different directions it won't be easy for her to arrange to meet up with them out of school. One of the best bits of 2ndary school, imo, is the increased independence, when they make their own arrangements to meet up with friends in town, or spontaneously go round to each others' houses to hangout. She'd miss out on a lot of that.

I'm not anti grammar school, but I'd wonder whether it was the best option in this case.

Thank you. Yes, when we applied we planned to move to the area where the grammar school is. But
My DH changed his job recently which means it will be 2 hours journey for him if we move there.
My employer has agreed for me to work from home from September, but I don't know whether I can do my job working from home effectively.
My DS who is in year 1 has adjusted to his current primary school. We don't know if we will get a good primary school if we move there.
We have a house here. If we move there we will have to buy or rent a house there, which is so difficult as the houses there are very expensive.
I am not sure whether moving there will solve or create more problems . At the same time I don't know if my DD can travel almost 3 house daily by bus.
I am not able to make a decision.
Really appreciate your advice.

Can she go by train? My ds could have gone by bus but the train was much quicker. More expensive though.

I went 45 mins and that was far, for sixth form perhaps (as they are choosing) but too far for secondary and their friends could live an hour in the opposite direction remember! The stress and time may cancel out any academic advantage

Just to add... there are about 10 students who live in a walking distance from our house who are also going to the same secondary school from this September. There are also 25 other students who are in senior years. So DD can socialise with the students who live close by.

What are your more local options like? Are they fine or dire?
There is a world of difference between a 'good comp' and an 'inadequate secondary modern'.

Are you actually on any waiting lists?
Why not put her name down on waiting lists for good schools locally, and then see if you get offered a place and decide then?

No way in hell. A 3 hour round trip commute fir an 11 year old? No after school activities, no local friends, feeling exhausted. What is the point? Stop this madness!

Could you not at least move further asking the bus/train route? What were your plans if dh needed to find a job? Could she go on waiting lists closer to where you are?

I wouldn’t - seems DD would be the one losing out in preference to rest of family (shorter commute for dad, brother in local school, no commute for mum).

I had one hour trip each way and I hated it. I couldn’t read or do homework, or move around to get exercise. Grammar will expect a lot of hw from her and she will have three less hours each day to do it, compared to classmates who live locally.

As circumstances have changed with your DH job, I’d try to get her into a local school.

Limiting her social group to 10 potentially is pretty harsh.

She wants to go to the same school. But she is really worried about the travel. There is a train service which takes exactly half an hour minutes, but foot to foot it will be 1 hour 10 minutes each way if we go for train option. Some students are already travelling by train.
I am really worried about sending DD by train because train may be delayed, or cancelled etc. Whereas the bus stop is 5 minutes walk from our house and it will directly take her to school.

Local schools are not good. There is one slightly better school, but it is oversubscribed and we were not in the catchment.
There area few private schools, but quite expensive and not as good as this one.

My DD is exhausted now she's in secondary school and hers is only 4 or 5 miles away but she leaves at around 0725 to get there. It's a much better school than the 'local' option but I wouldn't entertain a longer commute, I am only willing to travel 25 mins or so for my own work

I'd move. Better a 4 hour commute for dh than a 3 hour commute for your dd. Although why he applied for a job a 2 hour commute from the place you were planning to move to is puzzling.

....So DD can socialise with the students who live close by.

But they might not be her friends. They might be perfectly nice girls, just not girls your dd has anything in common with, or would choose to spend time with. She should be able to choose her friends from her whole year group.

Could you move closer to the station? That would bring her journey time down? Does your dh also commute by train? Or look for a third location w a better local school?

I wouldnt worry to much about moving a Y1 child, esp if it would stop them being in a similar situation in a few years time.

DD is at a Grammar - furthest pupil is 9 miles away but some of the journeys are awkward so take an hour plus. DD lives nearby. Those who travel longer distances are often late, more stressed and tired than those living nearby. We turned down options further away and very glad we made that decision. Yes it was an easier decision than yours OP as we have the grammar on our doorstep and we didn’t even put her in for tests of any grammar more than an hour door to door as I didn’t think it fair to have to have that choice between a school and a commute.

DD has also made friends with some girls who are on the furthest reaches of the catchment- you never know who they will make friends with - what if your DD makes friends with someone equal distance but on the other side of the school?

I commute an hour a day each way to work and wouldn’t want any more, I wouldn’t put my child through it.